To take my 22year old dd to gp?

[SueDoeName]

My dd found a lump in her groin 18 months ago. She went to doctors and they said it was a swollen lymph node probably caused by infection.

She still has it 18 months later and it's got bigger.

She is always ill. Always got a cold or ulcers in her throat or throat infection. She loses weight despite eating really well. (More than me !)
She is always tired . Looks washed out . She is also anaemic . (Confirmed)
She's been back to the doctors twice - she is very sensible and grounded and has told me she's worried about lymphoma. The doctors dismissed her saying "google doesn't have a degree "
She is worried. I am now worried she has been referred for a scan but will take 4-6 weeks and then she has to await results before getting referred for biopsy.

I want to go to gp now with her and ask about a private referral and timescales. They aren't taking her seriously.

Aibu? I don't usually interfere but this seems like one time I need to. She needs someone a bit bolshy to fight her corner .

I'm a radiologist and do ultrasound scans on lumps and bumps. If it's something that needs a biopsy I do it there and then. Your daughter may not need a second appointment for a biopsy.
Hope you get her sorted soon.
If you live near a Spire hospital you may not need a GP referral. Phone your local private hospital and ask the radiology department what their protocol is.

She's said I'm stressing her now and asked me
To bow out .

So I will.

Has she been tested for coeliac disease? I ask because what you are describing was me to a T before my diagnosis. They fobbed me off over and over until I ended up in hospital with severe malnutrition and starting to go into multiple organ failure. I was ridiculously anaemic and iron Tablets wouldn’t control it and I had a huge lymph node up in my groin and others around my body that they were ignoring. I was getting night sweats, was constantly vomiting, was getting weaker and weaker.

Untreated coeliac disease causes lymphoma eventually. That’s why some of my lymph nodes were up so much. Once I was diagnosed, it all improved but very slowly and I have a lot of permanent damage caused from the delay in recognising it. I still have lymph nodes up in my groin three years on and they did eventually, reluctantly, scan one in my neck. I don’t think they take these things anywhere near as seriously as they should. Keep on and on pushing and don’t give up. I was repeatedly told I was just depressed. I wish now someone had come along with me to the GP and helped fight my corner before I ended up in hospital for three weeks.

Don’t give up fighting. It doesn’t matter if they think you’re making a nuisance of yourself, this is your daughter. Go privately if need be. All the best.

You don't need to bow out. She will be OK in the morning.

I had a sick toddler, she slept literally 20 hours a day, looked deathly pale and one day the health visitor came In. I was banging pot lids and she didn't once wake up. She got to 5 and I accidentally shut her hand in a taxi door and then when looking at her hands realised they were all misshapen... I have no idea how I had missed it.

She was lethargic and low iron... Not something that the GP ever took seriously. Nursery called in social services thinking she was being starved etc...

No neglect was found. She was always unwell. Dropped weight. Looked dreadful. I started looking for answers and came to the conclusion of arthritis.

My gp mocked me and told me he was concerned for her and gave me anti depressants and floated the theory that I had munchausen by proxy and that I wanted her to be unwell.

I lost my shit and took her to a chiropractor who agreed that she had arthritis, told me what joints and wrote a letter to my gp.. Gp humoured me and sent me to paediatrics that same day.

Paeds took one look at her. Asked what I thought she had but I was so defensive that I refused to answer and demanded they go first. He looked me in the eye and said. Your daughter has arthritis and we are sending her straight away to yorkhill because she's acutely unwell.

We met her consultant who asked the history and she was finally diagnosed after 2 years of fighting. 2 forms of arthritis and required 27 joints to be injected that week under anaesthetic.

My gp apologised profusely and told me he had no idea children could get arthritis as he had never met an arthritis child.

Why am I sharing this....

Gut instinct. She's 24 now and I always stand my ground now. If your child is sick then you know. Trust your gut instinct.

I swear I had paragraphs 🤬

I would also ask for Coeliac tests, the symptoms sound very similar.

Don't bow out Op - she needs you, she's just tired and fed up. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

As the kind of daughter who probably turns down help when I must need it, keep at it. X

‘ How come so many cancers are diagnosed in a&e ? Bloodwise told me to go to a&e next’

Because the symptoms are fairly non-specific, and because despite charity campaigns targeted at GPs not all of them are ordering tests when they should under the 2week rule to exclude blood cancers,

Individually, each type of blood cancer is quite rare. But taken together as a class, it’s one of the most common. So I think the charities’ aim - that every GP should know when to refer - is a sensible one

OP: you cannot frogmarch your DD to A&E if all she wants you to do right now is bow out, even though that’s exactly what I’d want to do. How is she today?

How come so many cancers are diagnosed in a&e?

Because U.K. GPs are notoriously slow at referring for cancer. Particularly young people. Particularly blood cancers (Lymphoma, Leukemia + myeloma) - 30% of which are only diagnosed after emergency treatment is required.

Hopefully your daughter will feel a bit better today and let you help out again.
I wouldn't bow out. She needs you. I would however give her some space and not keep talking to her about it - a tested trick in this house! Let her think you have backed off for now. She'll probably then ask you to get involved again herself.
Keep a notebook, take it with you to all appointments and let them see you taking notes! Dates, times, names. Get any results printed out and keep them. Ask them to put on record that you are requesting certain tests and they are refusing (if they do). Ask them the reasons and note it down.
Good luck.

I’m sorry your DD is going through this. I just wanted to tell you my experience. I presented with a swollen leg and went to A&E and they couldn’t find anything wrong all my bloods were fine. I then had to go back to my gp twice the first one didn’t seem overly bothered and referred me for a routine scan. As my leg was huge and very uncomfortable I went back 3 weeks later and fortunately saw a different doctor who felt my groin and identified enlarged lymph nodes. She immediately telephoned the hospital and got me in the next day for tests. I had an ultrasound which I think showed something but they didn’t tell me then I had a CT scan which showed a mass which then meant I was referred to a cancer investigation team. I was booked in for a biopsy the following week. So once I was in the system the hospital was fantastic. I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma have had 6 rounds of chemo and still not in the clear. You need to push for further investigations such as a CT scan for her as well as a biopsy. Good luck I hope there’s a simple explanation for her symptoms

I had a hard lump in my groin 6 years ago, spent a year with doctors telling me it was fine, sent me to physio, podiatrists and round and round in circles as I had existing hypermobility issues so they told me it was to be expected and an exacerbation of that.

Don't want to frighten you but it took me sitting in my GPs office refusing to move till they properly examined me, grudgingly agreed to refer me to orthopaedics. Ortho asked why I was there at 26 and walked into his surgeons office - what did I expect him to do? Told me about the costs to the NHS of uneccesary xrays. Soon changed his tune when he saw I had a bone growth the size of a golf ball (later turned out to be a bone tumour). I remember crying leaving his office - not because of what I had but because I had been convinced I was going mad and imaging the pain, finally having something real they couldn't dispute was wonderful.

GPs are great with so many things but are not infallible, sometimes you know your body best - see a different GP, change practice if you have to and can till you find someone you feel is listening to you and not dismissing you. From what you say some of the things your GPs have said are quite unprofessional to say the least.

Whatever the issue is your DD shouldn't be suffering 18m later with no definitive answers as to what's wrong or effective. treatment.

Sending so much sympathy, she is lucky to have you on her side.

She kept her appointment which I got for her with senior nurse but now she's angry with me - nurse reassured her it's probably nothing- despite the fact she brought lymphoma to my attention she now says I've worried her more.

I'm hurt . Won't deny that. Had some very snotty messages from her and she's decided she now wants dad to take her because I've been over dramatic.

I've said that's fine and that I was only responding to her concerns but I'll leave it now . She had the referral anyway and apparently the slightly rubbish doctor we saw yesterday wrote a convincing referral so I'm going to leave it now . She's taking her worry out on me and while I realise that's what it is it's hurt .

She's also adamant it's not chrons or coeliac and is accusing me of making this up so I'm happy she has the referral but I do need to leave it now as she seems very angry with me .

Sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong
I think you did the right thing - she's got the referral- back off and then she will come back to you in the future

Hopefully this is start of process for her to feel much better, not anaemic & so tired.

She’s not angry with you OP. She’s worried about her health and disheartened by the treatment of the doctors, she’s simply lashing out at you.

As the the referral is done you can sit back and leave it now. When the appointment comes up you can let her decide who takes, but my guess is she will be over it by then.

*it - ie her annoyance with you.

Sending you all best wishes that it does turn out to be something not too serious and easily treatable, but you were absolutely right to push and stand up for your daughter and stand your ground OP. It's clear that you're eminently level-headed and can see that she's just taking her worry out on you because she's fed up, worried and unwell, but have a hug and a massive anyway as it is still upsetting and well done for being such a brilliant mum and advocate for your daughter.

She is scared and you are the safe one to off load on .
Good luck 💐

I always get the worst of my DD’s outbursts, DH manages to be let off. It’s a female thing. Hang in there.

Just do it. Don't feel embarrassed. Your DD probably will be grateful someone else is taking charge.

@SueDoeName I know it's so frustrating but don't give up.
Your daughter is taking her upset and worry out on you which is normal just continue to fight for her and be there for her it's what she needs.

Many times I've had to go back to doctors with my dc as they just don't get taken seriously enough when they are young. They are technically adults but all too often they are not treated as adults.

The ultrasound will pick up if there is concern about the lymph node. The biopsy you want, I assume, is the fine needle biopsy and they may do it at the time if they see something.

Personally I would call the receptionists at the hospital in the ultrasound department and ask if they have a sooner appointment, I have called appointments lines many times and explained the situation and they have tried their best.

It may be many other things wrong with your dd. Has she had any type of blood tests yet?

The symptoms that she has along with the enlarged lymph should be investigated as lymphoma. Unfortunately I've heard many stories of doctors not testing or recognising this.

We're very fortunate that my GP knew exactly what it was. My dd had NO symptoms at all. She was perfectly healthy except for a lump. But it had already spread down her neck and into her chest.