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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parents of very young children become quite selfish

608 replies

allthewaythere · 31/12/2019 10:07

I am expecting to be flamed but here goes.

Yesterday I was walking on a really narrow street and a couple were walking with a very young baby who’s only just started to take a few hesitant steps, maybe 11 months, so he had dad on one side and mum on the other.

Because the street was so narrow it meant everyone behind them either had to walk at toddler pace or step into the road to get by.

I’ve seen this in a lot of my friends with really young children. Is this a thing and does it pass?

OP posts:
Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 21:11

@sb74

You may be a parent, but you don't sound like a person who has empathy, sympathy, imagination or the ability to see beyond your own horizons. Not sure what kind of parent that makes you.

Londongirl86 · 01/01/2020 21:29

I love how people are focused on this child being 11 months old. That's just a guess from the op. She could of been 18 months old but just small. Regardless busy street and a crowd. Baby is blamed. The people behind the baby should of walked past them. Then the next. Then the next. It sounds like nobody did that.

Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 21:31

Or maybe the parents should have looked around, realised they were causing an obstruction and lifted the child out of the way. Most parents manage to do this, because most parents are not completely self absorbed.

Londongirl86 · 01/01/2020 21:38

@oldknees1

I don't get the vibe around near me that it pisses people off hun. Don't worry about it. I also have a toddler and everyone stops and says hi to him. I've moved him to one side and often told my older child to move behind me to let people through. It's never been an issue.

The op was obviously in a rush and has got far too wound up and pissed off. The thing is we don't know people do we? We don't know their story. I always keep that in mind. I don't see the point in being pissed off over things like this. Sometimes old people apologise to me and I always tell them not to be silly. I even make a light bit of conversation. Why should they feel like pains in the arse because they are old. Exactly why should mums worry their kids are annoying people by toddling along. I don't even judge parents if their kids are kicking off. Nobody knows another person's child enough to know why they are grumpy.

I've been the mum in Asda with a crying one year old who's ready for a nap. I've been the mum with the arching back bored child in a public place. Mines cried on the school runs. I feel no shame and honestly don't care what people think. It's life. Babies haven't developed perfect behaviour yet. People obviously forget that or think a child should never cause trouble because the parents should have that under control before it even starts.

Carry on walking your little one. I wouldn't worry about this post at all x

Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 21:41

Why do old people keep apologising to. You London girl. You've said this several times. I don't have elderly people feeling a constant need to grovel and say sorry to me for existing. Sounds very strange.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/01/2020 21:42

Sorry don’t think YABU, I have a child but didn’t have her walking on public pathways or around shops till she was about three or four as I thought it was unfair on everyone she would hold up and the risk of her getting hurt walking under someone’s feet by accident was too high. Tbh when I see these people in shopping centres etc on busy days I wonder if they allow it because they like the idea of everyone looking at their baby and thinking how cute they are..... really impractical as a parent as it takes bloody ages to do the slightest little thing and with a child toddling/falling/trying to run off

I would always pick DS in a situation where he was in the way (and would have done in the OP's situation), but if your child was always in a buggy in a public space until three or four then a) they were very unusually, indeed slightly weirdly, keen on the buggy compared to most toddlers and b) you can't have been actually teaching them how to behave in a shop or on a pavement, which doesn't seem like a great idea in the long run.

53rdWay · 01/01/2020 21:46

I do think the parents should have noticed the apparently huge crowd building up behind them. But “parents not noticing anyone else needing to get past” is not the same as “parents noticing but insisting on taking up the whole pavement anyway”. First is nowhere near as bad, but if nobody can bring themselves to say “excuse me” then they’ll never know you’re there to move for.

busybarbara · 01/01/2020 21:47

maybe the parents should have looked around, realised they were causing an obstruction and lifted the child out of the way

This is so ridiculous. The child is as much a legitimate pedestrian as anyone else. If a cyclist is causing traffic behind to go slow do you think they should get off the road? No. Cyclists are told to stand their ground and it’s the job of faster traffic to get around them. Similarly, adults can walk around the slower child, they have no more rights than the child.

53rdWay · 01/01/2020 21:48

Besides if you keep your child in a buggy until 3 or 4 then you face the wrath of the “I can’t believe parents/children these days are so LAZY, mine were walking five miles a day from 18 months!” MNers.

eaglejulesk · 01/01/2020 21:51

@Flipflopalops - this is so true.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 21:53

@misscromwellrocks - wow, its just so amazing how can you pick up so much about me from so very little!!

What a load of crap!???

You really don’t... rock, that is.

Good luck with life.

eaglejulesk · 01/01/2020 21:55

Well to an extent yes, but its mainly for parents - developed by 2 London mums to share info with other mums about parenting. The clue is in the name

In that case there should be no posts about relationships, parents, in-laws, jobs, neighbours, friends, shoddy service - I haven't got time to list them all.

Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 21:57

Sb74

You have been pretty vocal on this thread, with many of your posts being removed. So I'm not going on very little but on the general nastiness and unpleasantness of some of your views.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 21:59

My comments have not been from the view of the parents with the child but of those stood behind the parents. So how I am being selfish etc from thinking ahh let this family enjoy their moment? It’s you impatient arseholes that are selfish. Both sides are being equally selfish actually but the couple with the child are having a special self indulgent moment with their child and what is so bad about that!!
What is wrong with you people thinking this is wrong? Different year same old shit!! Happy 2020.

Oldknees1 · 01/01/2020 21:59

@Londongirl86 so true. I didn't even think people would have such horrible views until I read this post. It's crazy that a proud parent would be called self absorbed.

Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 21:59

@busybarbara. It's not about rights, it's about consideration.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 22:00

My views are not nasty. I’m not sure at what point I have been nasty?? I have just pointed out facts.

TiddlestheCat · 01/01/2020 22:03

How would you feel if it was an elderly/infirm or disabled person, who was unsteady on their feet and being supported by two relatives/carers on either side? Is it that different? It may be annoying,but ultimately they are teaching their young one to walk. And the more practice they get, the sooner they will be out of your way and not clogging up the street with a pushchair.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Misscromwellrocks · 01/01/2020 22:05

@sb74. You have been rude, insulting and hurtful towards other posters, to the extent that many of your posts have quite rightly been removed. They did not show you in a good light and make me question whether you have some of the qualities necessary to pass on empathy and understanding to those in your care.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 22:09

I beg your pardon!! How dare you!! I am an excellent mother and caring person. I have said nothing on here that I wouldn’t say in person. How I have been rude and insulting? To say that this is supposed to be for parents? Everything I said was true. There was nothing wrong with my posts. The whole thing is ridiculous.

McCanne · 01/01/2020 22:11

Oh ffs children are allowed public space as much as anyone else. I really hate how some people think kids should be kept out the way if it’s a bit inconvenient.

Sb74 · 01/01/2020 22:12

The world has gone mad. I give up with mumsnet because I’m not talking to mums half the time and it’s just one big bum fight.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 01/01/2020 22:16

just one big bum fight

The mind boggles. GrinGrinGrin

1stMrsF · 01/01/2020 22:16

I asked a man if he could move out of the way because there were 25 people queued up behind him in a crowded food market. He was carefully and slowly wiping spilled ice cream from his toddlers clothes, without any consideration for everyone waiting behind. He said 'but I've got a little child here!' To which I retorted 'so pick him up and stand to the side'. He then left said child to come after me and physically push me in front of my own 10yo child. So yes, I think people are ridiculously selfish about all sorts of things, having small children included, but now I'd think twice about tutting loudly or saying anything - I'll just call them a CF in my head.

Fully agree with PP that there are loads of selfish gits but it's not everyone.

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