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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of parents of very young children become quite selfish

608 replies

allthewaythere · 31/12/2019 10:07

I am expecting to be flamed but here goes.

Yesterday I was walking on a really narrow street and a couple were walking with a very young baby who’s only just started to take a few hesitant steps, maybe 11 months, so he had dad on one side and mum on the other.

Because the street was so narrow it meant everyone behind them either had to walk at toddler pace or step into the road to get by.

I’ve seen this in a lot of my friends with really young children. Is this a thing and does it pass?

OP posts:
Original poster
allthewaythere · 31/12/2019 10:35

What purple, so it’s not selfish to make crowds of people walk at the pace of an 11 month old but it is selfish for said 11 month old to be picked up? What the hell 😂

OP posts:
Mylittlepony374 · 31/12/2019 10:36

They were selfish before they had kids.
I have a just-walker but while I'd love nothing more to see his cute little toddle between me & my husband as we slowly make our way down the street we just don't do it. Because I'm not a dick. I consider others. I can watch him wobble/toddle when I get home.

Original poster
allthewaythere · 31/12/2019 10:37

Selfish is probably harsh. Inconsiderate, maybe.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 31/12/2019 10:37

And if you're the Dad in John Lewis yesterday allowing your 8/9 year old race around the ladieswear on those blasted wheeled sneakers sending people rushing to get out the way, this thread is for you. Angry

HotPenguin · 31/12/2019 10:38

YABU expecting everyone else to walk as fast as you or step aside without being asked. There's no minimum speed limit on the pavement.

Much more annoying is the group of mums outside our school who meet after drop off to walk their dogs and block the ENTIRE fucking pavement while they stand around chatting EVERY FUCKING DAY.

my2bundles · 31/12/2019 10:39

People seem.to have lost the ability to teach their kids to walk single file when passing others on tne street (not talking about the 11 month old ) It happens all the time family's with kids taking up entire paths forcing people coming in the opposite direction to walk on the road . I now loudly tell my kids not to dare walk into the road when passing them as it's dangerous. My kids are far to polite for their own good, why on earth should they put themselves at risk because so called adults carnt teach their kids basic manners?

firstimemamma · 31/12/2019 10:41

Yanbu.

I was once told (not asked) very abruptly to move out of the way once because a grandma was with her toddler who was zig zagging all over the pavement on his balance bike.

I had no problem with what they were doing and before the grandma started bossing me around I was actually just about to move to one side and let them through. I'd have happily offered - it's not that bit that bothered me. It was her thinking that she could tell other members of the public what to do and when that annoyed me!

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 31/12/2019 10:41

Why oh why do people take their entire family shopping and then proceed to stop and chat every other aisle thereby making it impossible to get past

I move their trollies to get past with a very cheerful EXCUSE ME PLEASE.

Cremebrule · 31/12/2019 10:42

I couldn’t begrudge a small baby waking slowly. I think you’re being a bit harsh. But, I do get annoyed by adults walking 4 abreast and people with no special awareness in the supermarket so I get the frustration.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 31/12/2019 10:43

Reading this thread with interest because I'm not sure if I'm being a bit like this with my 18 month old at the moment - I try really hard to keep him out of people's way and not let him block pavements or other narrow spaces, but it's quite hard to avoid him ever inconveniencing people while also letting him learn to walk outside/on the street, which he has to do sometime surely? DH says I'm generally too apologetic and anxious about him bothering others (I also have a much lower threshold for how much noise he can make before I remove him from, say, a café than DH does) but while I find him endlessly adorable and fascinating I remember how annoying I found other people's toddlers before I had him!

Pinkypie86 · 31/12/2019 10:43

Say 'Excuse me, Please' and go about your day?!

It's really not that difficult.
Why do people make mountains out of mole hills?? Never understood it.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 31/12/2019 10:44

Agreed.

Ghostlyfeet · 31/12/2019 10:46

I think people have lost the ability to say "excuse me". If this had been me (it wasn't) and you were all just walking behind me I'd assume you didn't mind. Whereas if you said "excuse me" I would have moved out of your way.

Welshmaenad · 31/12/2019 10:46

I use a mobility scooter due to neuro disease. It's unbelievable the amount of pram- pushers who meet me head on on a narrow pavement and just stare at me, expecting me to move onto the road for them. I often have to patiently explain that they can navigate kerbs and I cannot, so they're going to have to take one for the team here...

Stefoscope · 31/12/2019 10:48

I've noticed a general decline in basic manners from the general public but it's not specific to parents of young children. I also think I'm becoming a bit of a grumpy old git! People not looking where they're walking as they're too busy looking at the phones then bumping into you at the last second and not even seeming to realise let alone apologise. Teenagers at the local college deliberately walking into the road in front of cars then flipping the drivers off.

The second example is clearly deliberate dickheadery but a lot of the time people are just focused on their own situation with no ill intent. I pass by the local primary school on my way to work each day just before 9am and often end up walking in the road as parents park over the pavements and the paths are narrow. It's very rare a parent will ask their child to walk in front of them to make space for other pedestrians. To be fair if I asked I'm sure they would but they probably have a million and one other things on their mind trying to get their kid into school on time. It would be nice if people showed a bit more awareness of their surroundings, but it no longer surprises me when they don't.

Teenangels · 31/12/2019 10:49

There are some very selfish people in this world.
I was walking down a narrow pathway that is not really wide enough for 2 people, 2 blokes walking along clearly are not going to move, I have to step off and go into the road as they barged past me, I say thank you, 2 blokes then get mouthy, and say to the man behind me, c&%t deserves to walk in the road as she is a woman, unfortunately said man behind me was my partner who not only gave them a few words but made them walk back and apologise to me. Karma

LisaSimpsonsbff · 31/12/2019 10:50

If the baby was literally at taking first steps stage then I do think that, leaving aside selfish, it's a bit silly to try and get them to walk down the pavement - you're not even supposed to put them in shoes until they're walking confidently!

my2bundles · 31/12/2019 10:53

Unfortunately often when you say excuse me please some people just huff and puff or barge past thinking they own the whole path. Which is why I now loudly tell my children not to walk into the road to avoid them as it's dangerous, might seem passive aggressive but politeness does not work on the entitled.

Jumpi · 31/12/2019 10:55

YANBU.

We went on a cruise recently and there were several families with small children. The kids would scream, have iPads on high volume at dinner, run up and down the restaurant knocking decorations over etc.

The parents all seemed oblivious to it and when an elderly couple sat next to one asked if they could turn the iPad down the parents responded ‘you get used to it lol’.

It’s a bizarre sense of entitlement coupled with a lack of social awareness.

maryberryslayers · 31/12/2019 10:56

Yes very selfish.

YABU however to tar us all with the same brush. My DS is currently in the wobbly first steps phase and I wouldn't dream of doing this. He walks in quiet places and parks ect. Definitely not anywhere we would hold people up.
I feel your pain though I find people constantly get in my way as I walk with the buggy, I'm a fast walker and like to get places efficiently.
Just ask them to move aside.

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 31/12/2019 10:57

This just made me realise when out with my three I am often heard saying "single file" when people are walking towards us. Usually followed my my moody teenager replying "buuut they're miles away" (they aren't).

Knittingnanny · 31/12/2019 10:58

I absolutely love babies and little children and am very tolerant of everything, well almost.
Who could possibly think it was a good idea to take two toddlers, about 18 months/2 or 3 to our big local supermarket on Christmas Eve and let them push around a dolls pram and buggy each? Their steering was obviously not brilliant. I observed a lot of gritted teeth!
I just called in to get a few things I had forgotten and met these two little ones in a couple of aisles with people trying to be very polite and move their trollies around them.

candycane22 · 31/12/2019 10:58

We have a narrow section round the corner from us and it is more often dogs and cyclists that force you onto the road.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 31/12/2019 11:00

OP it will only get worse when they get to school age and you find huddles of six/seven year olds blocking the pavements, waiting on their scooters while their DMs stand a way off down the road, chatting, not remonstrating with the DC to have some manners and move to one side. This is usually at the end of the school day BTW! And my experience would tell me this is a very affluent middle-class thing to do!

I do agree though that you get selfish people of all generations. Equally, you get very generous-spirited people of all ages too. I can recall many random acts of kindness from people across social and cultural groups in my time, particularly when the DC were babies.

I do think first-time parents are totally immersed in the 'PFB' zone and are most likely oblivious to their perceived selfishness. They should be cut a bit of slack though.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 31/12/2019 11:00

The parents all seemed oblivious to it and when an elderly couple sat next to one asked if they could turn the iPad down the parents responded ‘you get used to it lol’.

This is shockingly rude - and I bet those parents were rude before they had children too (probably the people who sit playing music out loud on the bus). It is true that you get used to it though, and I do think it's often part of the problem. I remember when I had a newborn finding the noise of toddlers at the baby and toddler group near unbearable and wondering how I would cope - but I now barely notice how loud DS (not a particularly quiet child!) is. That's why DH and I disagree on whether DS can be 'happy loud' in a cafe (we both agree that he should be moved immediately if he's unhappy loud) - DH thinks it's fine but I think he thinks that because he's comparing it to how loud DS can be in his head and being like 'ah, some happy squealing is no biggie', whereas the correct comparison is the peace the people in the café might otherwise be enjoying if DS wasn't squealing!