To feel disappointed about the attitude towards age gap relationships on MN

[Daxilove]

Noticed a thread on here earlier about a woman whose DH left her for a much younger woman. Not condoning that particular scenario at all but I noticed so many of the comments were about the fact that there’s no way the relationship would last due to the age gap, they can’t have anything in common, OW must be a gold digger to be interested in an older man and so on.

I’m young (26) and don’t find myself attracted to men my own age at all. I usually choose to date men between 40-50 and am currently in a relationship with a 47 year old. We have lots in common, plenty to talk about and genuine mutual attraction. Yes DP is a high earner, but I am too and I’m certainly not after his money, I have my own! We love to spend our money on luxurious holidays, eating out at special places, shopping for nice things etc. As a feminist, it makes me disappointed to think that people must see us out and about together and assume that I’m some sort of gold digger or he’s a “sugar daddy”. Is this really still what people automatically think of age gap relationships in this day and age?!

Someone (on their fourth marriage one of which was much older) told me 10 years is really the max. 20+ years might not matter when you are in your 20s and 40s, but in your 50s and 70s you will start to notice it. I plan to spend my 50s trekking the world me.

I was shocked by the state of play in online dating - men specifying an age range 10+ years younger. I get that its biological to some degree, and cultural. For young women they have a much larger market which has got to feel unfair for older women like me. I also had it too, being love bombed by much older men. And they are very quick to mobilise if a younger woman takes notice. It all felt too much. I want to know someone likes me for who I am not my age iyswim.

I don't want age to be an issue so for that reason I would stick to the 10 year rule.

@OwlBeThere @danadas me three. OH is 15+ years older than me. I'm his first partner with a gap of more than a couple of years so he doesn't have a history of pursuing younger women. We just clicked.

I also find the PP who comments on not being able to have much of a conversation with younger colleagues a bit sad. I have friends younger and much older than me, closer in age to my mum in fact. We have different cultural reference points on some things but we still have plenty in common and great friendship. Lot of narrow minded people here.

If you scratched the surface of women who say they prefer much older men as partners, the truth is they either want someone more financially stable, or they desire the power dynamic of the age gap. The woman's power comes from her youth and attractiveness, the man's from his experience. Based on all of the relationships I know like this in real life this is my observation, whether or not the woman will readily admit it.

I'm not speaking of people who happen to meet and fall for an older man, but those like OP who say they prefer much older men.

Yak old man willie's

As same sex relationships have become more socially acceptable over the last few decades (AS THEY SHOULD BE BEFORE ANYONE STARTS) a new prejudice had to come along to fill the gap that was left.

And as it is more socially acceptable to make derogatory comments about age gap relationships, a safer prejudice..........it makes sense that this would be the choice.

YANBU

A lot of young women can be attracted to older and dare I say richer men. I don't find my own husband that attractive now he is his 60s so what a young woman would see in him god only knows. He does have a big pension but he also has nose hair and varicose veins which he refuses to deal with.

When I was 20 my Dad was late 30s (a young Dad) someone thought I was his wife and I was horrified!! He is now late 70s and still looks young for his age and nobody has recently thought I was his wife which is good thing because I don't think my step-mum would be very amused.

@Peacocking Barbara Windsor has dementia and a husband in his 50s.
The amount of ‘oh you’ll be stuck with an old man’ comments...ever thought people are fine with that as they love their husbands/wives/whatever?

I just don't find younger men attractive because I have son who is in his late 20s and he is so annoying and immature.

Personally I date older men simply because I’m more physically attracted to them.

Maybe now..but what about when you’re in your 30’s and he’s in his 50’s?

I’m 36 and the idea of dating someone 20 years older than me is horrifying.

And what about in 10 years when you start wanting children? Do you think your partner who will be in his 50’s is going to want years and years ahead of him bringing up young children?

I do judge relationships with these age gaps. I don’t feel sorry for the woman because I can see why she may be drawn to an older man, but I do find myself having pitying thoughts towards the man. The words “sad bastard” have been mentioned more than once on here and I think I would have a similar train of thought.

The thought of having sex with a man 20Plus years older than me literally turns my stomach.
I’d think twice at 10 years tbh, simply because he’d be from a completely different generation.

@dirtyrottenscoundrel

I feel the same about some men in their 50s which is near my own age. I think some men seem to let themselves go and develop a large stomach and bad teeth. Not all men in their 50s are like that but a lot are I'm afraid.

Wincing at the internalised misogyny of these women smugly trotting out “daddy issues” damnations like they have psychology doctorates and a front row seat at the witchburning trials.
Firstly if “daddy issues” IS a thing, its the science of opposites. Had a bad male home influence? Want a better one. Makes sense. You’ve assumed financial incentives because you want to sneer- despite the OP constantly saying she doesnt use his money.

Secondly even if you like and want to perpetuate the creepy “Damaged slut with daddy issues” fantasy (and look at youporn to see it is a peddled fantasy alright) since when is it on for women to casually look down on abused or neglected women trying to rectify the trauma of an absent or abusive father?

“daddy issues” appears to be the go to slight applied to impute a fantasy-incest inference into any Relationship wherein the woman and man have essentially an accentuated age split. Similar insults were used for mixed race relationships and mixed religion relationships. Its a “get back in your lane where I am comfortable” comment.

I judge any woman who spits the term “daddy issues” at other women to hurt them, like I would the sort of woman that used to take her knitting to public hangings just for the craic.

I think it’s one thing to be attracted to an adult regardless of age. It’s something else though to Generally be attracted to much older men. It would suggest you have some sort of issue that you should deal with.

Barbara Windsor has dementia and a husband in his 50s.The amount of ‘oh you’ll be stuck with an old man’ comments...ever thought people are fine with that as they love their husbands/wives/whatever?

No one said they would mind. But that does mean that arent missing out on a time in their life they should be enjoying. Especially for women who are usually the ones who gave brought up their kids, sacrificed alot of themseleves to raise kids and just getting to the stage where there have time to be themseleves again.

Also it’s interesting how these attractive older men pretty much always happen to be rich.

It’s your life, but it feels quite creepy

You may change your mind as you get older - things look very different in your 30’s and up

I do think a lot of it is about wealth and perceived success. Younger women aren’t so attracted to someone who can’t work for health reasons or earns a very low wage...

Yes look at Duncan Bannatyne and his young wife

You have daddy issues dear?

Age gap relationships are judged everywhere, not just on mn.
I can't imagine wanting to forgo the experience of having a relationship with a man in his physical and sexual prime. I do find men my age attractive, but youth is a bonus and I'm glad I dated young men while I was young myself.

I always think that both men and women in age gap relationships have issues. 15+ years just doesn't seem natural.

@ukgift2016

Who was that directed at?

My cousin and her wife have about a 15 year age gap, I would be immensely happy to have a relationship like theirs. A friend is in a relationship with someone 30 years older, they make a brilliant little team and I can’t imagine a better suited couple.

People spouting ‘daddy issues’ are no different to those who spoke out against mixed race couples, gay couples or disabled people being in relationships. Ignorant and unpleasant.