To go round and give my neighbour a piece of my mind?

[StylishDuck]

We've lived in the house for 18 months (me, DH and 2 DC age 2 and 5). Neighbours across the drive are a couple in their late sixties. The husband has got this kind of "status" in the street. He waters everyone's plants, looks after their houses when they're on holiday, washes people's cars... etc. We've never asked him or encouraged him to do anything like this for us. I've talked to him a few times and he's come across as a racist, intolerant, set in his ways old man. So aside from a polite "hello" when I see him or his wife I don't take much to do with them. My DH is generally more chatty and has had a few more conversations with him. DH has had a few mild altercations with him when he's overstepped the mark in terms of comments about things that we do on our own property that are nothing to do with him, really trivial stuff like how we put rubbish in our bins for example. DH has always diffused them fairly quickly.

That's the background. Today, DC and I are at my parents for a festive family do. DH followed half an hour behind us. He told me that after we left neighbour approached him in the street and basically had a go at him telling him that I was not neighbourly/friendly towards him, I don't talk to him, we're nothing like the previous occupants of the house and apparently the situation has reached "boiling point". DH was a bit like but told him it wasn't appropriate for him to be saying things like this about me, that he doesn't know me and suggested he spoke to me directly about his concerns as he doesn't speak for me. Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

Now he's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with him but the feminist in me is seething internally at the implication that DH should be in charge of me somehow. But part of me thinks there's no point in saying anything because he's not going to listen to anything I say and I would just end up getting more annoyed. DH thinks I should just ignore him.

WWYD? (Sorry this is so long, and a bit ridiculous!)

Ignore him hes crackers. I would just call a cheery "Hello" every time I saw him and nip off quick so no conversation can be had. Do not let rip it will come back to bite you

I’d ignore him. You can’t accomplish anything by confronting someone like that. If he approaches you directly, quickly and firmly tell him to mind his own business and leave the conversation.

Oh god, I would go out of my way to do an over enthusiastic wave with a COO-EEEEEE at him every time now. Just to piss him off. When he moves your bin, does anything on your property I'd point out how to do it properly with a big smile aswell. Not worth causing a fight but just to put his nose out of joint.

I would want to go and give him a piece of my mind but I probably wouldn’t as it’s really not worth it.

You could think up ways to wind him up (but not actually do it as again, it’s not worth it)

God definitely don't go round there - he's clearly out for power and drama and you'll be playing right into his hands. I would absolutely ignore him and make sure DH doesn't engage with him at all. If he moans again he can say something completely neutral "I'm sorry you feel that way, not all neighbours are best friends". Smile and refuse to discuss further.

Next time you see his wife, tell her to get him indoors, he’s making a nuisance of himself to the neighbours.

I would carry on exactly as you were.

i'd ignore this nonsense too. dh doesn't speak for me either, if i don't want to speakto someone i don't, if they find me rude that's tough. i bet there are other people who think he's a twat too but treat it as a case of smile and wave.

I’d leave it and see if he approaches you directly. Then disarm him with charm. He won’t know what to think

You want to live in the street, so just let it wash over you.

I'd just say something along the lines of "You're quite right about me being unfriendly, Neighbour, it's on account of you being racist, sexist and thinking that my DH can tell me what to do. The day I find myself in need of a racist, sexist, friend, I'll be friendly, but until then, I won't bother making small talk with you. Good day"

But then I'm a stroppy cow with no filters and little tolerance for bigots.

Well obviously go round with a home made cake.
Laced with laxatives.....

Ignore the neighbour, there’s nothing you can say that will change his mind and it would just infuriate you. If he speaks to you directly at some point then of course say something. Give your husband a massive smooch for being so awesome and defending you!

I would now go out of my way to deliberately wind him up.

@LakieLady

I'd ignore him. Now and forever more. Would not be being friendly, not be saying hi, not nothing. Rude arrogant sod, who the hell does he think he is.

*I would now go out of my way to deliberately wind him up.
*
Wait until he sees the 8ft trampoline my DPs bought the kids for Christmas

@LakieLady That's exactly the sort of thing I would say...but my infinitely less hot-headed DH thinks it unwise

You're all much more tolerant to bs than I am. I literally couldn't give a damn if my neighbour was offended, I would not go out of my way to speak to him at all.

Nothing good would come from trying to have a reasoned conversation with someone so unreasonable, so I'd go with the advice given above - a big "Cooee!" and over-the-top wave. Kill him with (fake) kindness, he won't know what to do with it.

Batshit neighbours who have lived in the street forever think they own the whole neighbourhood. We have had this for years, they hate that we have made our garden private so the nosy fuckers can't see us. Accuse us of wanting our privacy to get up to something nefarious.

I would use his sexist comment against him. If he tried to talk to me, I would sarcastically tell him that I can't talk to him as I am not allowed an opinion without my DH.

Another who would ignore him. Let him stew away over there. Perhaps he's one of those lucky people who have little else to be worrying about.

If he was to approach I'd politely but cooly tell him I have no issue, that I keep my self to myself.

I have no interest in my neighbours' beliefs nor do I want to share mine with them.

I always feel like I've let myself down if I choose to be "the bigger person and rise above" situations where I would really like to have my say and back myself/family/friends. I know it's the opposite really but there's not as much short term satisfaction in that!

That said, your husband is probably right but I would be going out of my way to deliberately ignore him or be over the top friendly and follow it up with "will that do for you or do you need me to go and get DH so you can have another word"

Put a large banner up right across the front of your house saying "Good morning Mr Brown" and do some naked trampolining.

I wonder what the other neighbours really think of him...behind closed doors?