To go round and give my neighbour a piece of my mind?

[StylishDuck]

We've lived in the house for 18 months (me, DH and 2 DC age 2 and 5). Neighbours across the drive are a couple in their late sixties. The husband has got this kind of "status" in the street. He waters everyone's plants, looks after their houses when they're on holiday, washes people's cars... etc. We've never asked him or encouraged him to do anything like this for us. I've talked to him a few times and he's come across as a racist, intolerant, set in his ways old man. So aside from a polite "hello" when I see him or his wife I don't take much to do with them. My DH is generally more chatty and has had a few more conversations with him. DH has had a few mild altercations with him when he's overstepped the mark in terms of comments about things that we do on our own property that are nothing to do with him, really trivial stuff like how we put rubbish in our bins for example. DH has always diffused them fairly quickly.

That's the background. Today, DC and I are at my parents for a festive family do. DH followed half an hour behind us. He told me that after we left neighbour approached him in the street and basically had a go at him telling him that I was not neighbourly/friendly towards him, I don't talk to him, we're nothing like the previous occupants of the house and apparently the situation has reached "boiling point". DH was a bit like but told him it wasn't appropriate for him to be saying things like this about me, that he doesn't know me and suggested he spoke to me directly about his concerns as he doesn't speak for me. Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

Now he's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with him but the feminist in me is seething internally at the implication that DH should be in charge of me somehow. But part of me thinks there's no point in saying anything because he's not going to listen to anything I say and I would just end up getting more annoyed. DH thinks I should just ignore him.

WWYD? (Sorry this is so long, and a bit ridiculous!)

Completely ignore him going forward. It will drive him crackers that his words with your hubby haven't resulted in you toe'ing the line!! I wouldn't engage in a debate/ piece of my mind with him as you can't educate pork!

I like @LakieLady's response. Brilliant. I'd ignore until he approaches you then pull that one out the bag.

I've never had neighbour 'issues' until this year and it's eerily similar to yours but a woman who walks around like she owns the place based on both length of residence on the street and her helpfulness which as far as I can see is only related to the vast amount of gossip she spews.

Smile and ignore. Rinse, repeat :)

Continue exactly as you have been. Don't let his tantrum change your behaviour. Is my suggestion.. I'd be tempted to have a chat with his wife though... About getting him under control.

Keep ignoring him, it's clearly annoying him. If he approaches you invite him your next swingers party and tell him with a smile that you didn't realise he was into it too but now you know you'll ensure he gets lots of invites from your likeminded pals

Ignore, this man is nothing to you, don’t let him think his attitude or behaviour matters, that’s exactly what he thinks and wants a reaction from you.

Get one of those fake CCTV cameras point it directly at his house. If he asks about it, tell him you’re concerned about his behaviour and are collecting evidence of his harassment.

I would not charm him, why would you do that, i would totally ignore him

I’d ignore. Smiling and waving will only encourage more bat shit behaviour. You’ll just be confirming to him that talking to DH was the right thing to do.

I’d be even less likely to be even mildly pleasant in the circumstances.

you can't educate pork! :o

This is a control issue unfortunately l was related to such a person he uses little things like wash the car to be on your property and keep an eye on you.
Continue as you are a polite hello and no more, you can't win with these types.

Cripes, I wouldn't even do a polite hullo after that, I'd be 'giving him the cut direct', as dear old Georgette Heyer used to put it.

I'm not going to waste oxygen on someone who has the temerity to complain to my husband that I'm not being sufficiently 'naice' to appease his sense of self importance.

I would carry on exactly as before, like fuck would I have him thinking his 'word with DH' had any effect! I would smirk every time I saw him and laugh loudly with DH every time you encounter him together though, just so he knows how pathetic you both find him but I can be tremendously petty and immature Take satisfaction from the fact that he is at 'boiling point' with absolutely no means of controlling the situation, his one strategy (getting DH to pull you into line) has failed and he is left with nothing but impotent rage

part of me would be rubbing my hands with glee at the fun to be had with this pork dinosaur...then again you just dont know what you're letting yourself in for....

Those of you saying to ignore, this is what my head is telling me is the most sensible approach. Not even acknowledging him would probably give me more satisfaction than going round and shouting the odds. And it would frustrate him more.

I'm concerned slightly about what he's saying to the other neighbours about us. But as a PP said - I'd be interested to know what they really thought of him. We're only really only polite "hello" terms with most of the neighbours. The family though the wall from arsehole neighbour don't talk to him. (Incidentally they are Asian - quelle surprise! - I can only imagine what he's said to them!)

YANBU. Sorry you have this dick living near you

@GinandGingerBeer trampolining naked at this time of year! Ignore him or be ultra (over) polite - both drive people like him bonkers- as Jane Marple use to say (to paraphrase) Women aren't men's equal they are men's superior

I wouldn't look in his direction, let alone say hello to him. Dickhead.

He's just a crazy old coot! Do not engage!!

Just be your polite self with your other neighbours. I learned the hard way that the best relationship with neighbours to be had is polite distance - and generally that's what your neighbours appreciate too!

I would probably tell him that I wasn't allowed to talk to him because DH said so....
Nah, seriously, I would carry on as I was. Some people's neighbour's are batshit.

Ignore him. Don't lower to his level be the better person

I would sarcastically tell him that I can't talk to him as I am not allowed an opinion without my DH.

He's probably bigoted enough to take it seriously.

I'd ignore him, he's not worth the waste of time.

Naked trampolining is definitely the way to go

Put a large banner up right across the front of your house saying "Good morning Mr Brown" and do some naked trampolining

Trust me, the world is not ready for that