To go round and give my neighbour a piece of my mind?

[StylishDuck]

We've lived in the house for 18 months (me, DH and 2 DC age 2 and 5). Neighbours across the drive are a couple in their late sixties. The husband has got this kind of "status" in the street. He waters everyone's plants, looks after their houses when they're on holiday, washes people's cars... etc. We've never asked him or encouraged him to do anything like this for us. I've talked to him a few times and he's come across as a racist, intolerant, set in his ways old man. So aside from a polite "hello" when I see him or his wife I don't take much to do with them. My DH is generally more chatty and has had a few more conversations with him. DH has had a few mild altercations with him when he's overstepped the mark in terms of comments about things that we do on our own property that are nothing to do with him, really trivial stuff like how we put rubbish in our bins for example. DH has always diffused them fairly quickly.

That's the background. Today, DC and I are at my parents for a festive family do. DH followed half an hour behind us. He told me that after we left neighbour approached him in the street and basically had a go at him telling him that I was not neighbourly/friendly towards him, I don't talk to him, we're nothing like the previous occupants of the house and apparently the situation has reached "boiling point". DH was a bit like but told him it wasn't appropriate for him to be saying things like this about me, that he doesn't know me and suggested he spoke to me directly about his concerns as he doesn't speak for me. Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

Now he's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with him but the feminist in me is seething internally at the implication that DH should be in charge of me somehow. But part of me thinks there's no point in saying anything because he's not going to listen to anything I say and I would just end up getting more annoyed. DH thinks I should just ignore him.

WWYD? (Sorry this is so long, and a bit ridiculous!)

If he approaches you I'd say "I'm sorry, my husband says I'm not to talk to you"

The passive aggressive wimp inside me would actually rather like you to go round and have it out with him and report back. I'd like to see how it's done! Joking aside, how does he think that you will now feel more inclined to speak to him.

I’d go and speak to his wife and tell her to get him under her thumb where he belongs.

Wave really over enthusiastically, think crazy person wave and smile, every time you see him, a shout of ‘hey neighbour’ wouldn’t go a miss either.

He’s obviously mental.

Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

What exactly does NeighZilla want you to do??!!??

weirdo

I'd just keep ignoring him, it will drive him mad and then if anything ever escalated you should just say well you never approached me about it

I would never do anything that might lead to a falling out with neighbours. It can create so much bad feeling and hassle. It's simply not worth it.

Just ignore the nasty old buzzard. That'll infuriate him while not giving any excuse for an actual falling out.

Some very amusing suggestions but you’ll probably have more luck continuing on as you have been as it’ll piss him off even more knowing your DH has no control 😱😂

Sounds like a very bitter bored old man. Don't go over there, he'll love the drama. Be super friendly to all of your other neighbours and don't engage with him at all. I know a few of these characters, they just create drama for something to do.

I think that's my dad you're talking about, cantankerous old get. Yes to naked trampling, that'd teach him!

He's a dick who has potential to make your life unpleasant - ithink there's very little roo be gained by giving him a piece of your mind and much more to be gained by a smile, nod and avoid method. Through clenched teeth if necessary!

I would just ignore him. Not speak to him, not look at him from now on. Mind your own business and expect him to mind his.

Ignore, ignore, ignore - he'll also know that your husband doesn't rule you!

Neighbours are so different to what they were years ago. He sounds a lot older than you and he’s remembering when neighbours had a LOT more to do with each other so although he’s out of order saying anything to your DH, a lot of his behaviour stems from his perspective of what neighbours should be (in each others’ pockets !).
If you’re anything like me a perfect neighbour says hello/waves, puts your bins away in a timely fashion, and signs for your parcels.

Neither of you are wrong, you just have different perspectives.
Ignore him, or do the big CoooEeeeeey like PP have advised, but don’t go and have a row with the man.

What the hell is this whole signing for your neighbour's parcels thing? We didn't have it in NZ! As far as I'm concerned, I'm not going to ask my neighbour to take responsibility for my parcels, and I'm not very keen to be asked to take responsibility for theirs - I've got no idea what's in them!

As for the "wonder what other people in the street think about him" - we've got one similar next to us (the arsehole I post about regularly) and I know that while the pivotal neighbour in the street who lives the other side of us and who is genuinely the nicest, most friendly, would go to the ends of the earth to help out anyone guy - is friendly towards him - he can't stand the guy!

I don't speak to Gammon Boy now - he occasionally comes to talk to DH if he wants something but his inner misogynistic tendencies mean I'm beneath his notice - which suits me just fine. I went ballistic when they did some work to their house which damaged ours and just expected us to suck it up - threatened legal action etc - I'd been quiet for so long I think I terrified him!

Staying silent speaks volumes.

I'd have to start making friends with the other neighbours. Be friendly with them. Throw this other neighbour off guard.

The other neighbours are likely to know exactly what he's like. I might well be a little more friendly to the other neighbours and carry on as I was with him.

Don't escalate this. Open hostility with near neighbours ruins your day to day life. Every day you'd be steeling yourself for battle. Just smile and ignore. Don't give him a reason to keep escalating either.

But the neighbour is angry she doesnt talk to him, so ignoring him WILL antagonise him. So even if OP does nothing- he's still getting to "boiling point" and wiring himself up into a lather

I think continue as you were doing.
If you start waving and calling over to him, he'll think your DH has had a word and you're 'obeying'. yes - try and have a chat with his wife and mention how offended you were and get to know the other neighbours.

Just ignore. He’s clearly a huge idiot. Boiling point because you won’t fall in with his plan to dominate the world, I mean street? Wanker. Carry on ignoring.

Nah. Wouldn't help, and would likely escalate... just ignore.

Let it wash over you. If he confronts you, just say that you are a big believer in tall fences making good neighbours, and that you'd prefer to mind your own business for long-term harmony. Paddington stare.