To go round and give my neighbour a piece of my mind?

[StylishDuck]

We've lived in the house for 18 months (me, DH and 2 DC age 2 and 5). Neighbours across the drive are a couple in their late sixties. The husband has got this kind of "status" in the street. He waters everyone's plants, looks after their houses when they're on holiday, washes people's cars... etc. We've never asked him or encouraged him to do anything like this for us. I've talked to him a few times and he's come across as a racist, intolerant, set in his ways old man. So aside from a polite "hello" when I see him or his wife I don't take much to do with them. My DH is generally more chatty and has had a few more conversations with him. DH has had a few mild altercations with him when he's overstepped the mark in terms of comments about things that we do on our own property that are nothing to do with him, really trivial stuff like how we put rubbish in our bins for example. DH has always diffused them fairly quickly.

That's the background. Today, DC and I are at my parents for a festive family do. DH followed half an hour behind us. He told me that after we left neighbour approached him in the street and basically had a go at him telling him that I was not neighbourly/friendly towards him, I don't talk to him, we're nothing like the previous occupants of the house and apparently the situation has reached "boiling point". DH was a bit like but told him it wasn't appropriate for him to be saying things like this about me, that he doesn't know me and suggested he spoke to me directly about his concerns as he doesn't speak for me. Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

Now he's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with him but the feminist in me is seething internally at the implication that DH should be in charge of me somehow. But part of me thinks there's no point in saying anything because he's not going to listen to anything I say and I would just end up getting more annoyed. DH thinks I should just ignore him.

WWYD? (Sorry this is so long, and a bit ridiculous!)

I'd just say sorry if I gave you that impression it wasn't my intention then I would leave.
It's never worth getting into an argument with neighbours unless there is absolutely no alternative. He might have issues you don't know about or health concerns. Just smile and be polite.

*@Anthilda

Ignore. And you are equally intollerant with ageist comments about him being old and a few sandwiches short of a picnic*

ODFOD - the man verbally abused me in the street to my DH and didn't even afford me the courtesy of speaking to me directly. I have literally done nothing that any decent sensible person could deem to be offensive towards him. I don't need to be "tolerant" of anyone who does this.

Desperate times require desperate measures-old school paper bag of dog shit set on fire on his doorstep!

Ignore him, he wants a reaction

you don't need to do anything just carry on ignoring him until all his blood boils away completely, you'll find him lying in his front garden, a withered husk

Update

DH met Mrs arsehole neighbour in the high street. She said she was "sorry about the way her husband broached the subject but they've been feeling for a while that they've been getting ignored".

Apart from the fact that "sorry...but" is not an actual apology, I literally don't have the energy to care that much about what they think about me. How boring must their lives be that they are so preoccupied by this on a day to day basis??

DH just made it clear that we weren't intentionally ignoring them (at least we weren't before, I probably will do now!) but that the way he was accosted in the street was not appropriate behaviour and said let's just leave it at that.

Just as an aside OP, please don't block the hole at the bottom of the fence. My neighbour did this to a hole in our boundary fence, to stop my cat using it. All that happened is my cat jumps and climbs over the fence and the hedgehogs can no longer traverse the gardens. Blocking holes doesn't impede cats at all but can make life more difficult for wildlife. (Obviously you may not have hedgehogs, I had thought we didn't but was wrong, I just hadn't spotted them before.)

Apart from that, your neighbour is an arse.

I think if my DH had been in the place of yours when he met the wife, he'd likely have said something along the lines of, 'well, you weren't being ignored before, and you'll soon understand this, because boy howdy, my wife is going to be very actively ignoring you now - and she's not alone in that.'

Oh don't escalate it. Life's too fucking short to get bent out of shape over this and become an arsehole yourself.

Just be pleasant. Smile and wave.

DH met Mrs arsehole neighbour in the high street. She said she was "sorry about the way her husband broached the subject but they've been feeling for a while that they've been getting ignored".

As batshit as her husband! Which law states that you MUST speak to your neighbours? Bonkers, the pair of them.

I don't think the way he 'broached the subject' is relevant really. What's an acceptable way to tell a neighbour to keep his wife in line? There isn't one.

I’d say “Yes well to be honest we were warned by a couple of neighbours that you were likely to get bossy and overbearing and it looks like they’re right...and we’re just the sort of people who keep themselves to themselves anyway”

Don’t say ALL the neighbours warned you. Just “some” or “a couple”. It’ll be impossible to prove you’re lying even if he asks them because everyone will just assume it was someone else. It’ll drive him crackers wondering who’s been slagging him off.

@Lulabellamozzarella

Ooooh, that's naaaasty. . . I like your style!

I'd laugh in his face

As you say, how little must they have in their lives that you not chatting to them has become this much of an issue for them. I would carry on as you are. You aren't actually obliged to be friends with your neighbors, however much they might want it.

*@sonjadog

You aren't actually obliged to be friends with your neighbors, however much they might want it.*

The bizarre thing is that he told DH during his rant yesterday that we weren't a "good fit" for the street. So either he wants us to talk to him or he doesn't think we're his sort of people. You can't have it both ways.

This is just an example of the kind of crazed power trip that he's on that he feels it's his place to decide who fits in the street or not.

I must admit to feeling quite proud that he thinks this. We must be doing something right

I really like GinandGingerBeer idea, and the Victor Meldrew character might well enjoy that !

He sounds quite comical in a way. I can see that it is less funny when you have to live on the same street as him, but from a distance it is.

Enjoy your "not fit for the street" status in peace and quiet.

Another one saying ignore the curmudgeon but try harder with your other neighbours, even if it's saying hallo and stopping to chat with them when you're not busy.

And don't block the hedgehog gap!

Good luck

Personally I’d start bossing my DH about in the garden for him to hear, he’ll be livid, a lowly woman telling a man what to do 🤣
Time to get that man under control and there’ll be no more of him chatting idly to neighbours; he’s got chores to be doing!!

they've been feeling for a while that they've been getting ignored

Just makes me curious as to what they expect and what the other neighbours do.

Does everyone else invite them over for coffee and cake on pain of ostracism? Stop and chat with them (ie listen to their 'instructions') whenever they meet on the street? Is it that everyone (else) pays lip service or follows their 'instructions'? Bollocks to that! That's not being 'neighbourly', that's living in a stalag!

To me being 'neighbourly' means a smiling nod/hello and a wave when you see each other and an occasional short chat over the fence/on the pavement. Maybe a plate of biscuits at Xmas. That's it. Once you start inviting someone over or exchanging 'favours' (bringing in the bins, 'caretaking' on holidays, long conversations) that's when it becomes a 'friendship'.

He's a little dictator and you're bucking him. Good for you!

at 'not a good fit for the street', we don't 'fit' in our street either, and thank god we don't looking at some of our neighbours! In our case we don't fit because we don't have screaming arguments, loud all night parties or feral kids and we don't fly tip old furniture in our own street, think I can live with being the odd ones out So that's my advice, embrace your ostracism and be glad you don't fit in with the batshit

He thinks he's the doorman for the street doesnt he
what a jumped up prick eh!

He really does suffer from delusions of authority, doesn't he?!