To go round and give my neighbour a piece of my mind?

[StylishDuck]

We've lived in the house for 18 months (me, DH and 2 DC age 2 and 5). Neighbours across the drive are a couple in their late sixties. The husband has got this kind of "status" in the street. He waters everyone's plants, looks after their houses when they're on holiday, washes people's cars... etc. We've never asked him or encouraged him to do anything like this for us. I've talked to him a few times and he's come across as a racist, intolerant, set in his ways old man. So aside from a polite "hello" when I see him or his wife I don't take much to do with them. My DH is generally more chatty and has had a few more conversations with him. DH has had a few mild altercations with him when he's overstepped the mark in terms of comments about things that we do on our own property that are nothing to do with him, really trivial stuff like how we put rubbish in our bins for example. DH has always diffused them fairly quickly.

That's the background. Today, DC and I are at my parents for a festive family do. DH followed half an hour behind us. He told me that after we left neighbour approached him in the street and basically had a go at him telling him that I was not neighbourly/friendly towards him, I don't talk to him, we're nothing like the previous occupants of the house and apparently the situation has reached "boiling point". DH was a bit like but told him it wasn't appropriate for him to be saying things like this about me, that he doesn't know me and suggested he spoke to me directly about his concerns as he doesn't speak for me. Neighbour implied that as my husband DH should be apologising profusely for my "behaviour" and ensure that I toe the line in future

Now he's obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic and quite frankly I want nothing more to do with him but the feminist in me is seething internally at the implication that DH should be in charge of me somehow. But part of me thinks there's no point in saying anything because he's not going to listen to anything I say and I would just end up getting more annoyed. DH thinks I should just ignore him.

WWYD? (Sorry this is so long, and a bit ridiculous!)

Sounds like he's got the potential to be dangerous!

I'd continue with the polite hellos. If he confronts you ask him politely what specifically his problems are - hopefully if he says it out loud he will realise how ridiculous it sounds!!!

Naked trampolining is definitely the way to go

Speak for yourself PP - personally I'd end up with two black eyes if not a broken nose.

I wouldn’t go out of my way to speak to him, but would say ‘hello’ if passing. Kill with kindness.

Meh, not worth the time or effort. I've always felt that if I have no chance of changing a situation I'm not going to bother trying. Unless you begin kowtowing to the 'King of the Neighourhood' and recognize his 'Awesome Neigbourliness' it's not going to change a thing.

Smile, nod, pass on by. And tell your DH in future NOT to invite this prick to 'speak to you directly'. The correct response is to shrug, say 'I don't tell my wife what to do' and walk away.

Ah, this sounds familiar. When we moved here 20+ years ago there was a certain Mr A who was in everyone's business just like the guy you describe. He'd waltz into any unlocked gardens or houses, told everyone what they should be doing. As he got into his late 70s sadly he got dementia and things got much worse. By this time, a certain Mr B had moved into the street, a much younger man, but he hated Mr A and took great delight in telling everyone what they should be doing before Mr A had a chance.

Of course Mr A eventually succumbed to his illness, but Mr B was ready and waiting to step into his shoes and to this day is in charge of everyone's house when they are on holiday, has everyone's keys, decides if your parking is acceptable and is generally the "moral compass" and lord mayor of the whole road (of 20 houses). He attends every party, every wake, does all the DIY, approves contractors and is generally a rank racist bully.

He's only in his 60s so it'll be a while before a Mr C is appointed as his successor ....

i wonder what the wife is like ?

Feel your pain OP.
Similar issues with our neighbour. Came across as very nice initially but very quickly it was apparent he wasn't to be trusted and was a very nasty gossip. Luckily our other surrounding neighbours feel the same and we all give him a wide berth. The sad thing is his wife is really lovely but you can't so much as even pass the time of day with her without him suddenly appearing and try to monopolise the interaction.
Hopefully your neighbours will feel similarly as you

Ignore ignore ignore.

I know exactly what you mean about the husband having a sort of status on the street! When I moved in here, as a single parent, they all looked down on me, then I spoke and my accent didn't fit with what they felt they could look down on. So they were all discombobulated and they have ignored me ever since. I couldn't care less. Once I tried to be friendly to one of them and she does a full on 360 degree regan head spin to avoid seeing me. I can't wait to get out of this estate. Live somewhere a bit less suburban than an estate. Argh.

Ignore it all.

i wonder what the wife is like ?

Deaf as a post. Probably the only reason he's still alive!

"... the best relationship with neighbours to be had is polite distance" completely agree with the PP who said this. Ignore him. I bet the other neighbours are envious of your cooler relationship with him!

Being ignored drives people crazy. It really is the best weapon.

If I were you I’d not be able to wait to ignore him. Next time he’s out there go out & start faffing around taking stuff to/out of your car. Be looking at your phone when you go out, carefully avoiding looking up/to the side where he is.

I'd totally wind him up by ignoring him more- what an absolute arse. WTF is wrong with people like this? He sounds like a right busybody, always wanting to poke his nose into everyone else's business and have his say about how he thinks they should live their lives.

I'd either ignore, or I'd start making up outlandish stories that are obviously fake, tell him, he'll spread them around and will look like an utter moron

We we were the opposite
We we were the60s year old couple with the younger ‘upstart’ new neighbours😂

We are quiet, easy going, live and let Live kind of people..she was never off our backs

A puddle off the end of their path..was our fault
They had blocked drains..twice.. she would’ve loved it to be our fault,
She saw a rat go under our decking..was hoping to scare me....I just said next door have chickens

Nearly every sentence begin with a..I don’t want to fall out with you but..I was. Thinking..please do and leave us in peace

I just gave them both a cheery hello and let them get on with it

They obviously couldn’t stand my cheeriness and after 5 years they left

It was bliss.

I hadn’t realised how much of a black cloud they cast over us

I’d move if I were you. They’ll grind you down

Continue swerving your head away from making eye contact. Boiling point indeed.

It will drive him insane.
What a shame he can’t put all that empty-headed spare time to more positive use.

Pressed post accidentally before

I wouldn't be shouting "Hi" or "Cooee" either. Old twat will only think that your DH has "put you in your place!"

Ignore the old sod.

I'd ignore, I really can't imagine giving the local weirdo headspace never mind wanting to go over and escalate it by fighting with him. That's crazy stuff.

I would carry on behaving exactly as you have been. No more, no less.

Noise cancelling headphones and dark glasses are advised in these situations. LOL.

Instead of ignoring him, which I don’t get, engage with him, if only to amuse yourself and being as confrontational and feminist as possible.

No way would I even pretend to ignore him. He would soon keep his opinions to himself after a few conversations with me.

Disarm with charm - but only if approached

Sounds like he's got the potential to be dangerous! really??
Sounds nothing more than a nosey busybody
Don’t lower yourself trying to play games /wind him up etc. Just go about as you were.

Ignore him he's trying to antagonise you and you dh .
I remember years ago I had a bit of a altercation with my NDN and the husband spoke to my dh about what I'd said . I was a bit annoyed about that I mean wtf has it got to do with him or my dh . I felt it was a bit like control your woman . Dh was like ok and let it go as he does not like confrontation and told me to stay out of their way which I did/ do but only cause it's good advice not because my dh told me to .

WWYD

As soon as the misognistic old crackpot hoved into view, I'd announce that I am aware that he has described himself as having reached "boiling point" for no concrete reasons whatsoever, & that if he continues to have such unnecessary & ridiculous emotions, could he do me the courtesy of keeping them to himself, as I'm not interested or impressed.

Job done.
He will continue to fulminate but ABOUT you, not TO you, & who cares what the old fart thinks?

I don't get those saying antagonise him
Honest to god, how bored would you have to be to drop down to his level and engage.

Seriously don't even give it a second thought. I wouldn't.

ginandgingerbeer that is hilarious!