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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do thin people you’re close to feel the need to inform you that you’re a fatty?

136 replies

RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:29

Especially if you’re middle class. Double especially if you’re upper middle and all your family are tiny Angry.

I’m fat, upset and unreasonable. Please fuck off if you just want to pile on. Please give me chocolate and baileys (heaven forbid I bring the alcohol equivalent of Jeremy Kyle to my family’s big meet) if you’re another fatty navigating life with a thin, yoga and hiking obsessed family.

OP posts:
Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 28/12/2019 20:33

I'm sorry that anyone felt it was acceptable to comment on your body.

Nuttyaboutnutella · 28/12/2019 20:34

I'm sorry your family are making comments on your weight. No one should comment on anyones weight unless it's harmful to their health and well being (underweight or overweight) and it's coming from a good place eg out of concern.

I've had relatives who are overweight comment on my recent weight loss, basically calling me skinny and anorexic. I'm absolutely not, I've just lost weight but eat very well. Its upsetting and makes me self conscious. So it goes both ways.

Original poster
RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:36

Thank you both. It’s not coming from a health point of view. It’s just how my family are and I didn’t have my usual baggy jumper to hide me as the house is bloody roasting!

OP posts:
Original poster
RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:37

I’m feeding my youngest to sleep and plan to go and stick on some makeup, make my hair look less scraggy and just try and style it out instead of looking obviously post crying blotchy and sad.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 28/12/2019 20:38

I used to be bigger than what I am now. Overweight but not obese.

My mum felt the need to comment on it all the time.

When I was a teenager she was quite overweight but still used to yabber on about me being fat all the time.

As she got older she lost weight and ramped the comments up. Constantly asking me what it felt like to be so fat, did my legs chafe, etc? I was a size 16. And she had definitely being a size 16 but it was like she’d genuinely forgotten.....she should have known what it was like.

Anyway I don’t see her anymore. You don’t have to put up with rude, negative people in your life. Being family isn’t a pass to treating you horribly.

Serenschintte · 28/12/2019 20:38

My DHs DF didn’t even say Hello to him. Just immediately commented about how fat he was. Horrible. Makes me so angry.

Traynorbird · 28/12/2019 20:38

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 28/12/2019 20:38

Sounds awful

They are the dicks here

Who needs people like this in their lives?!

VivaLeBeaver · 28/12/2019 20:39

Have you ever bluntly but calmly told them they’re being rude?

WeirdPookah · 28/12/2019 20:39

I've had to try and stop my FIL constantly making fat comments, jokes, "teasing" (I hate teasing) towards our 5 year old... who is of average weight, so wonder if he is indirectly directing them at me via destroying her self confidence like mine was as an actually overweight child.

Cryingoverspilttea · 28/12/2019 20:40

More thin people have issues surrounding food than fat people. That's why.

Davincitoad · 28/12/2019 20:41

I’ve spent the whole of Xmas with people commenting on everything I eat. What it is about Xmas!

Cryingoverspilttea · 28/12/2019 20:42

"you've got such a pretty face" - my mother, to me, ages 10 through to 30... She stopped at 30. Probably because I started looking older so she focuses on that now Hmm

ThighThighOfthigh · 28/12/2019 20:42

People are very strange about fatness, it seems to overshadow all the wonderful things they could notice instead. Like not being as much of a cunt as they are.

formerbabe · 28/12/2019 20:42

Many thin people absolutely hate overweight people who don't hate themselves.

Mixingitall · 28/12/2019 20:42

They’re rude. It isn’t okay to comment on others bodies, and they should be especially sensitive if you’re still feeding and post pregnancy.

I agree with what a PP said and tell them they’re being rude and hurtful.

slippermaiden · 28/12/2019 20:44

No advice on this, but a lady at work always feels the need to point out how tall I am and how there is no meat on me because I'm a vegetarian! There will always be people who have to comment on others. Sending solidarity 💪

GenderfreeJoe · 28/12/2019 20:44

Many thin people absolutely hate overweight people who don't hate themselves.

Yep. This.

Passthecake30 · 28/12/2019 20:45

Family appear to think they have the right to comment on anything at all without any filter at all. As for me, I am slim, my family are large. I don't ever call them fat, but they love to comment on just how much I eat whereas they apparently they hardly eat anything. They talk about food constantly. I think they should just be quiet tbh, it's like a red flag to a bull. YANBU if you are quiet about food/diet/being larger than you'd like, YABU if you are a diet bore.

amusedbush · 28/12/2019 20:45

The last family member who commented on how fat I am (size 16 🙄) was told in no uncertain terms to fuck off. It was Christmas Day too (2012), caused quite the rammy Grin

sonjadog · 28/12/2019 20:46

My mother greeted my brother with the comment that he had a fat face last time she visited him. He was understandably hurt about it and quite appalled when I told him I have had a lifetime of similar comments about my appearance. But in her case it is all about her own insecurities. Why she has to inflict them on her children, I do not know.

QueenOfOversharing · 28/12/2019 20:47

My "D"M got off train, and DS & I were on platform to meet her. She got off, looked round & said "Oh DGS I didn't recognise you, you've got so fat!" I was furious. DS had been recovering after major surgery to legs & has complex health issues.

She is a vile, spiteful, narcissistic bitch. We only have contact now via birthday & Xmas cards & presents.

I was always skinny til I had DS & she repeatedly said "look at you... you used to be pretty"! And "you definitely get that from your DFs side of the family". She is one of 7 daughters & they are all vile about weight & material shit.

Original poster
RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:47

Fuck me, you’re all fabulous!

viva I’d love to but champagne and bluntness results in crying for me!

formababe so true. I’ve got a love of really beautiful 50’s style dresses that can really provoke rage when worn confidently and with some red lippy!

OP posts:
ShinyNewNameTimeAgain · 28/12/2019 20:47

My dm is obsessed with my weight. I recently had a strangulated hernia and very nearly died. All she could comment on was how lucky I was that this happened as I now look fantastic. I’m a still recovering, walking skeleton but she’s so proud of me.

PumpkinP · 28/12/2019 20:47

Yep. My family are like this. Seem to hate anyone that is fat, (I am!) there is constant digs and comments, and none of it is concerns about health, my sister was going on the other day about how “massive” she was when she was a size 12.