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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do thin people you’re close to feel the need to inform you that you’re a fatty?

136 replies

RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:29

Especially if you’re middle class. Double especially if you’re upper middle and all your family are tiny Angry.

I’m fat, upset and unreasonable. Please fuck off if you just want to pile on. Please give me chocolate and baileys (heaven forbid I bring the alcohol equivalent of Jeremy Kyle to my family’s big meet) if you’re another fatty navigating life with a thin, yoga and hiking obsessed family.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 22:42

paintedfences you should see the state of the place as well! I would've run the hoover round and baked a cake if I'd have known Xmas Grin

GoGoLego · 28/12/2019 22:43

Yanbu my mother is the queen of this. Especially after a few so things like holidays and she'll mention it.

MsChnandlerBong · 28/12/2019 22:44

I actually apologise for that remark Worra. That's my issue.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 22:45

MsChnandlerBong no probs Wine

Dollymixture22 · 28/12/2019 22:48

My mother is he worst. All Christmas she talked constantly about her weight (she has piled on the pounds and is now close to eight stone).

She kept looking meaningfully at me at every meal saying she will need to cut down after Christmas - all this food etc etc. She made noises and kept rubbing her stomaching and looking at me.

Was Incredibly annoying and another reminder of why I have issues with food. I saw a therapist about it years ago and he said not to engage or acknowledge the comments and it would stop. I think it has made her worse, she pushes and pushes for a response.

MsChnandlerBong · 28/12/2019 22:49

Fair play Wine

Cuddling57 · 28/12/2019 22:53

I'm laughing at the comments about thin people on this thread. So it's ok to have a go at thin people is it?
OP my family always comment on how tired/pale I look. It's just the way I have always looked - it's not suddenly going to change!
It gets you down when people are negatively commenting on anything about you.

PatriciaBateman · 28/12/2019 22:54

I think the group who are the loudest are the people who have bad eating issues themselves, whether they are thin or fat.

I was anorexic in my 20s and have launched up and down the scale a few times now from underweight to morbidly obese.

When I was losing weight unhealthily in the past, or in my 'thin' phases, I could not stop myself from obsessing about what everyone else was eating, how often they ate, how they felt about it, etc. Every encounter was a guessing game of 'how much does this person weigh?' 'what's their clothing size?' 'have they gained or lost?'

I spent my spare time reading recipes and watching shows of people eating or buying/preparing food.

I guess what I'm basically saying is that I became completely obsessed, sort of falling deeper and deeper into my own obsession, and I have no doubt that a significant portion of people (and women in particular) are in this same self-made whirlpool. You don't realise when you're in it how rude you're being (nor is it an excuse), but your thoughts are consumed and tend to show themselves.

I'm sorry for everyone who's had these sorts of comments. It hurts to be seen as meat-on-display, rather than a human being, no matter what size you are.

VanyaHargreeves · 28/12/2019 22:57

I've had cracks like this since my teen years

And literally every fucker says it to me like "Vanya....I have to say, you really could do with losing some weight" as though they are imparting wisdom of great depth and perhaps shock news that I might not be aware of.

LIKE AS AN INTELLIGENT FUCKING WOMAN I CAN'T FUCKING SEE THAT MYSELF

Nevermind that my weight gain is a direct affect of health issues and side effects.

Some of these people have been heavy themselves

It isn't helpful its nasty

Newsflash to all people who think a fat person needs "helpful encouragement" it isn't helpful or encouragement it's fucking RUDE

shitpark · 28/12/2019 23:05

I have never done this to anyone, and I have been thinnish for most of my life, except after child birth.

shitpark · 28/12/2019 23:09

If anything, I find that women who are perfectly healthy and gorgeous looking seem to have so many insecurities about their own bodies and assume that I don't.
As I've got older, I've realised that all the women I thought were beautiful, thought they weren't. Yet if I tell them, they think I'm patronising them.

Frenchw1fe · 28/12/2019 23:18

@ShinyNewNameTimeAgain hope you're on the mend.

sweetkitty · 28/12/2019 23:31

I think it’s so rude and offensive to comment on anyone’s weight. Before I was NC with my Mother she would often comment on my weight, I’ve never been above a size 12 about 10stone but every time I visited her I was getting huge, had a big bum etc.

Now that I’m a size 8 I’m told I need to put some meat on my bones, I have Raynauds and am always cold but according to most people it’s because I’m thin oh and a vegan.

Most of my good friends are bigger than me I would never ever dream of commenting on their size or anything they ate.

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/12/2019 23:36

I am a thin person who would not dream of commenting on anyone's weight, relative or not. It is possible to support the OP without thoughtless generalisations about thin people.

Both the statements were qualified, 'more' and 'many'. So not all and not generalisations.

hollyberry2 · 28/12/2019 23:38

Ooh same here OP. My mother and her sisters seem to think anything above a size 8 is a sign of moral failure. It's a constant source of rage/amusement for me and my siblings.

The first thing she'll do when she arrives is look me up and down. Comments on every mouthful of food I put into my mouth. She honestly ruined the first couple of months with my newborn as she kept coming to 'help' ie. criticise and take unflattering photos when I was bending down or whatnot, then kindly show them to me to demonstrate how fat I was. Used to pretend I had to pop to the shop and then eat creme eggs in my car. I am size 10-12 just to be clear!

blueshoes · 28/12/2019 23:39

Both the statements were qualified, 'more' and 'many'. So not all and not generalisations.

Strangelookingparasite, in that case, those statements would work equally well without the word 'thin'. How is 'thin' relevant if those statements were not meant to be generalisations in any case?

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 28/12/2019 23:49

Are they snobs? My mum is & her utter despair at my (not insignificant) lard is due to it being so terribly common to be fat Grin

Chin up you’re perfect just the way you are Flowers

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 29/12/2019 00:00

My Dad doesn't like the fact that I'm not as pretty as my Mum and makes digs about my nose, etc....it never occurs to him that I take after his side of the family. Grin

Ohyesiam · 29/12/2019 00:03

Remember
You can lose weight, but they will struggle to stop being twunts.

Thehop · 29/12/2019 00:05

My mums terrible for this. We’re VLC now only talk to arrange her seeing my kids but I grew up with her calling me podge as an affectionate nickname.

She took me to weight loss clubs from as soon as I was allowed. As an adult she bought slimming jabs online to try to make me have them and I remember her actually recommending I take my brothers ritalin to help me lose weight. When I had my daughter she saw her eating toast at 13 months old and asked me “why give her all the carbs? Do you want her to get like you?”

She was obsesses my whole life. I don’t miss her or her nuts family at all.

I’m so sorry you have it too x

1Micem0use · 29/12/2019 00:13

Fat women can love yoga and hiking too op! I do :) Weight loss is 70% diet annoyingly.
Most of my skinnier family and friends don't do anywhere near as much exercise as I did pre pregnancy. They're skinnier because they eat less.

1Micem0use · 29/12/2019 00:15

So I guess I'm a hiking and yoga obsessed fatty navigating life with sedentary salad munchers Grin

Anotherdayanothernight · 29/12/2019 00:28

I've been 13 stones and 9 stones, now I'm in between and happy with that. No one has ever made a snide comment and if they did I would have given a very sarcy reply.... Love who you are

snowball28 · 29/12/2019 00:37

I’m currently navigating this, I was for the longest time very thin and now after three children I am definitely not thin. I’m alright with this though, I’m not unhealthy I still run and exercise and I eat well but probably my more portion sizes are too large and I could stand to cut back on the wine a little but either way I’m happy with myself and feel confident and attractive.

This appears to baffle all thin people especially the ones who’ve known me thin too, it’s like I’m expected to hate myself and cry into a tub of ice cream or only out one salad leaf on my plate. Fucking weird.

No body said anything to me this year (probably because I hosted) but I could see them staring if I went back for a second plate at the buffet table (everyone did!) it’s all very strange, maybe if I hated myself then they’d be happy?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/12/2019 01:00

I'm a size 6 and have been my whole life, my MIL always says she wants us to live with her so she can fatten me up.

My DP is slightly overweight and she's also always asking me what I'm going to do about it?!

I think some people just like commentating on people's weight no matter what size they are.