Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do thin people you’re close to feel the need to inform you that you’re a fatty?

136 replies

RebornFlame · 28/12/2019 20:29

Especially if you’re middle class. Double especially if you’re upper middle and all your family are tiny Angry.

I’m fat, upset and unreasonable. Please fuck off if you just want to pile on. Please give me chocolate and baileys (heaven forbid I bring the alcohol equivalent of Jeremy Kyle to my family’s big meet) if you’re another fatty navigating life with a thin, yoga and hiking obsessed family.

OP posts:
ProfessionalBoss · 28/12/2019 20:48

@RebornFlame ...plan to go and stick on some makeup, make my hair look less scraggy and just try and style it out instead of looking obviously post crying blotchy and sad.

If you want to put make-up on, do your hair whatever for yourself then absolutely, do that, but if you're doing it to avoid them knowing how their nasty comments have made you feel, then hell NO! xXx

ThighThighOfthigh · 28/12/2019 20:50

Fuck the begrudgers.

blueshoes · 28/12/2019 20:52

Many thin people absolutely hate overweight people who don't hate themselves.

More thin people have issues surrounding food than fat people. That's why.

I am a thin person who would not dream of commenting on anyone's weight, relative or not. It is possible to support the OP without thoughtless generalisations about thin people.

TrainspottingWelsh · 28/12/2019 20:56

For the same reason fat people feel the need to inform people they are thin, complete with derogatory personal comments on being thin.

Because they are insecure about themselves and rude judgmental twats.

Emmelina · 28/12/2019 20:59

I don’t understand why anyone likes to comment on weight at all. I’m sure you’re perfectly aware of how you look in the mirror/how your clothes hang/the number on the scales without ‘helpful/concerned’ comments. I used to be very slim, 6-8. But as I’m only 5’ tall it was just ‘petite’ really. I ate absolute rubbish, my metabolism was just on the ball. Currently riding a comfortable 12 post kids.
PIL early on kept trying to ‘feed me up’ and ‘get a decent meal in me’, and joked inside a birthday card “this is a size 4 card!” (This upset me greatly and DH has a quiet word). No need.

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 28/12/2019 21:01

It's shitty. I'm working class and sort of in the middle for overweight. I'm fat enough that I can feel the effects of it but not obese and my family are either slim or obese. Nothing is said to any of them that are obese but I'm constantly being told how lovely I'd look if I just lost some weight or how I'd have gorgeous cheekbones and a fantastic shape blah blah blah even though I was hospitalized as a teen with anorexia and dangerously underweight.

My friend/housemate loves my style and wishes I'd lose weight so we could share clothes and once put one of my tops against her self and laughed and commented it was like a dress. Not in a mean way and she was right but it still stung, she didn't know at that point that I had a history of eating disorder but the moment she found out she stopped all comments other than that she loves this or that top can I help her find a similar one in her size.

One of my other friends is constantly on at me to join a gym and train with him. He doesn't know my history and it's beyond the point I can tell him without making him feel like crap.

Some people are just dicks. My family are the worst for it. My mother has stopped after one massive argument where I stood crying and yelled at her how my waist does not define my worth and despite what she or anyone else thinks I am just as worthy and attractive as I am. I don't think she realized how much it hurt and how much damage she was actually doing. It's pointless saying anything to my sisters because they won't stop.

1Morewineplease · 28/12/2019 21:11

Sloggi Maxi-briefs will be your best friend.
Thin people, in my humble opinion, need far more assertion that they are slim enough as opposed to fat folk who need no assertion whatsoever that they’re fat enough.
Thin-ness is an upper class disease( think Diana , who starved herself in order to counteract public opinion on her pudginess, and Kate Middleton who has also dropped a couple of dress sizes.)
People often turn to fitness obsession and fad diets in order to fill a void unfulfilled by their careers and personal lives. They are just as insecure as you are, but in different ways.

Just live your life. Other people have no right to tell you how to live your life.

If lots of other people mention the same thing e.g. you always smell, appear drunk, always moan , always argue etc... then you may need to act.

Life is about finding joy, wherever it may surface for you.
Whether that’s a chocolate cake or a 3000-mile hike, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. It’s no-one’s business but your own.
Please be kind to yourself. You are amazing!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/12/2019 21:11

For the same reason people comment on thin people.

Given we have to now weigh children at school and inform parents where they are over/under weight it would seem many have lost touch with what a healthy weight is.

LittleTinselTown · 28/12/2019 21:12

Some people have superiority complexes and are really insecure. If anyone made a comment about my weight, I'd ask them why they think that's acceptable behaviour. Fuck them.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/12/2019 21:13

We live in a culture that thinks 'fatness' (quite often simply 'not being skeletal') is immoral, particularly in women. This has a lot to do with the idea that women exist for the benefit of others, so they should deny themselves food - both in order to be attractive to men and in order to demonstrate that they know their place: back of the queue.
So being not particularly thin and refusing to hate yourself and perform self-hating rituals makes stupid people angry and provokes them to insult and bully women who are not thin.
They can all fuck off.

Walnutwhipster · 28/12/2019 21:14

You're mixing with the wrong people. I'm a size 6 and have never felt the need to say anything about anyone's weight, except encourage my husband a little to lose some. I probably get just as many comments but it's usually people that aren't close to me because anyone who knows me well knows I can't help my size.

Lellikelly26 · 28/12/2019 21:14

I’m a size 12 and am the fatty of the family. I’m two stone heavier than my SIL who is just as tall, so you can see how fat I feel around them. I’ve just lost half a stone and still felt fat round them at Xmas. My sister maintains her weight at just under 8 stone. My mum gives me a look if I eat a biscuit (which I haven’t for weeks due to a diet)
It’s miserable.

GilbertMarkham · 28/12/2019 21:17

It's not (all) thin people.

Some of us would never ever comment on a person's weight and if illicited/pressured would say something positive or at least diplomatic.

Believe it or not "thin" people regularly get shit from some others about being thin; it's happened in almost every female dominated workplace I've worked in, and a few men (not in the workplace have seen fir to comment in my (10/12) size totally unsolicited .. "there's not a pick on her!" and (when trying to haul a heavy single hander sailboat on a heavy metal trailer up a slope alone); "Eat something!".

Why don't we just agree it's idiots.

PooWillyBumBum · 28/12/2019 21:17

When I was a size 12 I was the big one in the family and my horrid mother was keen to comment.

Now I’m smaller she tells me my house smells funny, or my toes are hairy, or my teeth need whitening.

Could be because you’re big, could also be because your family are massive dicks.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 28/12/2019 21:18

I am a thin person who would not dream of commenting on anyone's weight, relative or not. It is possible to support the OP without thoughtless generalisations about thin people.

This!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/12/2019 21:19

It's because they want you to be thin, end of.

It's unfair and can be nasty, but that's why families comment, they want everyone to be thin.

GilbertMarkham · 28/12/2019 21:21

Incidentally on the purely attractiveness front; I'd never assume thin was more attractive as I know plenty of 14+ women who pull at the drop of a hat, and plenty of thin ones who don't. Lots of men like the boobs etc that usually come with larger sizes and don't care much about anything else, also suspect they think the woman will be easygoing, fun loving, good natured etc.

MsChnandlerBong · 28/12/2019 21:22

Isn't it just straight up bizarre how people react to fat people. It's as though it doesn't matter if you're selfish, or rude, or abusive, or violent or....whatever! Just don't be fat. Fat is the worst.

I've been fat, I've been thin, I'm currently bordering on fat again. I'll sort it out in January whatever whatever!

My body size doesn't define me. It doesn't define any single one of us. I'm a pretty decent person. I'm kind, I'm useful, I'm fun, I'm a good mate. None of those things are affected by whether I wear size 8 or size 18 pants.

GilbertMarkham · 28/12/2019 21:25

( think Diana , who starved herself in order to counteract public opinion on her pudginess, and Kate Middleton who has also dropped a couple of dress sizes.)

I don't think that's about class, it's about being in the media .. you can be a sz 12 and when you say a photo or footage of yourself, wonder how you came to morph into java the hut. It's makes people look much heavier. Then they try to counteract it by getting thinner.

MsChnandlerBong · 28/12/2019 21:25

Having been on both sides, as I guess many of us have, it's definitely down to the person. I was me when I weighed 17 stone 2lbs. I was me when I got down to 9 stone 9lbs. People did treat me differently, better, when I was thin. Honestly though, that makes me judge them. My worth isn't in my body size. My worth is in me as a woman, a person.

GilbertMarkham · 28/12/2019 21:26

*see a photo

puds11 · 28/12/2019 21:32

DH’s family are very weight critical. Have never criticised me openly but I’m sure they’ve thought it at time’s. I’ve lost 2.5 stone recently and they’ve been very complimentary about it. I tell myself I’m doing it for me, but I think there’s a definite part of me is doing it to meet approval which I loathe.

VenusTiger · 28/12/2019 21:39

People you're "close" to tend to put things quite bluntly. You've admitted you're fat. They're saying so too. They clearly don't need to tell you though, as you clearly already know. If you're happy, tell them to shut up. If you're not, change something.

Magenta82 · 28/12/2019 21:40

I had a gastric bypass a few months ago, I haven't broadcast it though so not everyone in my family knows this. I've been overweight my whole life and have had nasty comments since I was a little child.

I've recently realised that these say more about the commenter than they ever did about me.

I went out for a meal with my family last night and only managed to eat 2 chicken strips, a few bites of sweetcorn and a couple of sweet potato fries. My grandmother's comment on my full plate was "you've hardly eaten anything, aren't you good!" to her not eating is a virtue, she didn't ask if I was ill, the food was bad or if I had already eaten. To her eating is weakness and abstaining is "being good".

The nasty comments I had from my mum my whole life caused me huge issues with food, eating disorders and spiralling weight gain. The comments came from her issues with food, which were passed on by her mother.

TheBigMansWife · 28/12/2019 21:40

ok so first of all dont let your family make you feel so upset!!! who gives a shit what size you are as long as you are happy and not an asshole then why are you bothered? .. letting them get to you like that will only cause you to get angry and have a bad attitude and feel like shit!! be kind even when people make nasty comments as thats a reflection of them not you, and also it pisses nasty people off when they try to annoy you and dont succeed .. you can loose weight IF and WHEN YOU WANT but you cant loose being nasty those type of people are rotten to the core... get some tan and nail polish on and pour yourself a large baileys and celebrate who you are girl!!! much love xx