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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's weird that she used the family bathroom?

345 replies

FairfaxAikman · 28/12/2019 12:59

Friend of mine visited the house yesterday.

She's been here before and knows we have a downstairs guest loo but yesterday when she asked to use the loo she went upstairs to the main bathroom (which was in a bit of a mess as wasn't expecting anyone to see it)
To do so she had to navigate two baby gates, so it's not like it's the easier option.

AIBU to think it's weird?

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 30/12/2019 09:00

Can you imagine being the child of some of these people?

Mum, I need a poo.
Not now Timmy. In this house we poo at our allotted times. You are allowed to poo at 7.30 am and 8.30 pm.
But it’s only 7.45.
You will hold it until 8.30 pm like any other normal person.

longwayoff · 30/12/2019 09:02

Not just you, @Batshittery, I worked with someone who wouldn't use the loo at work at all. Went home each lunchtime for a pee. Wouldn't go on holiday unless she could be driven back to her house, London, each day to use the loo. On moving house, wouldn't move into new place until new loo/s installed.
Confused. Difficult to manage but manage she did.

kanatano · 30/12/2019 09:13

Poo most probably heehee

Menora · 30/12/2019 09:33

Everyone poos in the downstairs toilet in my house because it is more private than the main bathroom 😂

Jane2357 · 30/12/2019 10:24

Does it really matter? Was she snooping? Did she make a mess?

ToftyAC · 30/12/2019 10:34

Hi not weird. Family bathroom is probably more comfortable and further away.

SusanneLinder · 30/12/2019 10:37

If I have guests coming, they are free to use whatever loo they wish .
If they want a poo,I'd rather they went upstairs than my downstairs loo, as I don't want to hear/smell it, and I am sure they don't either. Grin.
I have IBS, and when I need to go, I need to go, and I'd like some privacy/air freshener please..lol.
If my guests are here a while, I would expect them to need to go, so wouldn't be arsed about it. And I have bathroom bins also.

jwpetal · 30/12/2019 11:35

our downstairs loo is like an ice box so i offer the upstairs to guests. also some people want privacy.

Shinnoo · 30/12/2019 11:37

When I have someone over to my house I understand that part of the unspoken code of conduct is that they go for a poo where they feel comfortable and I don't comment on it online!

RebelWithVerySharpClaws · 30/12/2019 12:03

Perhaps she wanted to poo in your bath and poke it down the plughole.

Skyejuly · 30/12/2019 12:05

I always go upstairs!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 30/12/2019 12:17

I don’t think anyone should venture upstairs when there is a downstairs WC! It’s very rude IMO. If she needs to change a sanitary product then she should have either bought a nappy sack to discreetly put used item in bag (not everyone has a bin in family bathroom - I have one in my ensuite as I’m the only female in the house) or she should have asked you! YANBU

Batshittery · 30/12/2019 12:23

I didn't want to derail the thread but it doesn't seem is OP is coming back.

I am aware of the intended use of a toilet, and use it as such. My issue is that I would feel embarrassed doing a poo in someone's house/work/public toilet. It has rarely been a problem other than the odd occasion that I have been unwell.

I do not have any problem whatsoever with anyone else making full use of my toilet. I only have one. it's upstairs, so highly unlikely that I would even know if a guest had a crap.

As I previously stated, that's just how I am 🤷‍♀️. It is obvious from this thread that I am in a very small minority. Meh Grin

smilingontheinside · 30/12/2019 12:41

Bloody hell in my house most my visitors announce when they are going to the toilet and a couple will say they are going upstairs because they need a poo/bin etc. but mostly use downstairs one as it is quite big and other end of the house no worries about noise etc. Both my kids poo when they visit so must be relaxed😂I do have a friend that won't go in public loos and dont think she's ever used my loo🤔 She even holds her pee and often has stomach issues so its obviously not good to do that. I go at work and just clean up, spray freshner and warn my colleagues to give it five minutes. Can't say I enjoy going to the toilet on planes or using public loos but if I need to go there's no holding it. Hate it when people dont flush public toilets and do wonder about the toilet habits of some the mess they leave behind. I get the nog going upstairs thing though as children we were taught not to go upstairs unless invited Confused

smilingontheinside · 30/12/2019 12:42

Nog=notBlush

Delatron · 30/12/2019 15:02

I think if I had an issue with pooing in public (I don’t) I’d try and address it. As stated, it’s really bad for you to hold it in. Health wise I’d do something about it.

There’s also no way I’d be able to hold a poo in all day so something is wrong there too.

TildaKauskumholm · 30/12/2019 15:06

Those of you who can hold a poo in until the designated time or place are either fortunate, or storing up trouble for yourselves!

Choccylips · 30/12/2019 20:23

It sounds like she was unexpected and maybe needed a loo desperately but didn't like saying and went upstairs to cover her embarrassment. Not everyone is open about this subject. I had a friend who didn't leave her home for years because she had IBS. now there are no public toilets anymore it is torture for these poor people. yes there are some cafes that you can ask to use their facilities, but who wants to do that in front of everyone and then be timed and looked at by everyone when you walk out because thats how it feels.I would say be kind and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Nimmykins · 30/12/2019 21:52

My in-laws have a downstairs loo and I chose to use the upstairs one as my moon cup needed emptying. I just wanted more space.

Aridane · 31/12/2019 07:11

I also wouidn’t dream of going at work

I love the parallel universe of Mumsnet!

Fieldofgreycorn · 31/12/2019 07:36

I think you should put one of those digital lock things on the outside of your upstairs bathroom.
That’ll stop the fuckers.

Poetryinaction · 31/12/2019 07:56

It is way more gross to hold it in than use a toilet. The thought of walking around full of shit.

ec1993 · 31/12/2019 08:18

Bizarre thread and replies here Confused my friends are welcome to use our bathroom, come into the kitchen etc. My house is a home for all of the people we love.

WombatChocolate · 31/12/2019 10:14

Poos aside, would we agree that if going for just a wee, it would be usual for guests to use the downstairs cloakroom, if one exists?

I maintain, that one of the key reasons houses have a downstairs cloakroom, is so that guests can use it and not need to venture up upstairs into what might well be considered the private bedrooms and bathrooms of the family. Of course if there is only 1 bathroom and its upstairs, everyone understands guests will go upstairs.

All this talk about pooing - of course guests do sometimes need to po whilst visiting friends or family, but most visits are just for a wee in reality. I do t think there is any need for guests to go upstairs when a loo is available downstairs in this case.

What about workmen who are visiting (assuming you allow them to use the loo - I know some MNers are funny about this and refuse workmen the use of the loo - odd and rude in my opinion) - would you expect them to use the downstairs loo or feel they could do upstairs too?

Perhaps I think back to days when houses with downstairs loos tended to be the bigger 4+ bedroom houses. The owners had a variety of tradespeople or daily help coming in, as well as visitors - the downstairs loo was very much to dilienate the areas of the house which visitors could access, which were separate from those for family use, which were private. If you go into a Vicarage for example, the Vicar's study and downstairs loo will be near the front door - allowing any visitors from the parish to have a meeting innthenoffice and use the loo, without need to go into the living room, kitchen or certainly upstairs.

So, I think the idea of downstairs loos being where guests go is historic. And personally, when visiting, I would use the provided cloakroom if there was one and only go upstairs for any reason if specifically invited. Perhaps people have become more relaxed and feel at home and more free to go where they like in the houses of others these days. I always taught my children to not go into bedrooms or bathrooms at friends houses unless specifically asked.....but I've had friends come here with their children and later found that a herd of children have been in my bedroom and my ensuite and also in my wardrobes - no sense at all that those might be private spaces - signs of changing times?

Boredisboring · 31/12/2019 10:37

I think I might embrace this home-pooing only rule. Perfect get-out for boring social events or leaving work early. "Sorry, I'm off home for a poo. Can't be helped."

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