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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He used the phrase the girls to describe two adult women.

427 replies

cherryblossomgin · 28/12/2019 05:48

Christmas was great but something stuck out to me, at the time I said nothing but it annoyed me and Its still annoying me. DS BF called me and DS the girls and the moment he said it I internally cringed and wanted to say something but I didn't. I'm 31 she is 30. AIBU to be bothered by this. I know its not a major issue and overall he is nice guy.

OP posts:
TulipCat · 28/12/2019 16:15

In a professional setting it's a no-no, but amongst friends I really wouldn't make an issue of it.

1forAll74 · 28/12/2019 16:21

Too silly to comment on really. !

happycamper11 · 28/12/2019 16:25

Only repeating another posters ideas @koshkat .. definitely not mine Smile

BackforGood · 28/12/2019 17:01

Glad you have conceded YABU.

I can't understand why you think you and your sister being called "the girls" is somehow offensive, when you are happy to call him (I'm going to presume of a similar age to you and your sister) a boy friend.
Surely a same level of either friendliness or offensiveness, whichever way you feel.

I also think that if someone does say something offensive, then you should call them out on it, not 'keep quite at the time'. This isn't the word though.

KarmaStar · 28/12/2019 17:55

Yes you are.

Somanysocks · 28/12/2019 18:29

People seem to spend their lives looking for things to be offended by. It really isn't that important is it?

CountFosco · 28/12/2019 20:12

Probably because you are in a formal work setting perhaps and it's not appropriate language in the same way that I don't call my male work colleagues 'mate'.

Love the idea of a workplace that is so formal you can't call someone 'mate'. We're all 'you'll never guess what the fuck has happened now' at my work (50% of employees have PhDs before you attempt to question our intelligence). Men don't like being called boys at work because they know it is infantising, it's nothing to do with formality.

Seasiderabbit · 28/12/2019 20:36

You are right to be bothered about this. A man calling adult women girls is infantalizing. I understand why you wouldn't say anything because people will say you are overreacting. Nope, you are wise and intelligent to notice it and the fact you are annoyed is good. Being annoyed might lead you to challenge it one day. Good luck and ignore everyone saying it's not a big issue. Of course it is.

siring1 · 28/12/2019 20:46

What about women calling women girls?

Is that sexist and infantalizing too?

What about women calling men.boys?

I worked a warehouse a few years ago all.the grown men in the warehouse were called "the boys in the shed" by all the women. Should they have complained?

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 28/12/2019 20:48

Our boss does it all the time but tbf also refers to the male employees as the boys. The boys range from 24 to late 50s.

Properfatty · 28/12/2019 20:51

You are right to be bothered about this. A man calling adult women girls is infantalizing. I understand why you wouldn't say anything because people will say you are overreacting. Nope, you are wise and intelligent to notice it and the fact you are annoyed is good. Being annoyed might lead you to challenge it one day. Good luck and ignore everyone saying it's not a big issue. Of course it is.
This has got to be one of the most gripworthy things I’ve read on here

Butterfly98 · 28/12/2019 21:02

Grabs popcorn 🍿 This has got to be one of the strangest threads I've read in along time! So many people are hung up these days about stupid things and so politically correct! The OP is obviously so bored and unbothered by this thread that even she has disappeared! Now I think she was just looking for a reaction all along at our expense!!

Stockmarketup · 28/12/2019 21:02

Life’s too short.

ProfessionalBoss · 28/12/2019 21:12

I wish I had the OP's problems.

Such a minor and particularly boring thing to be offended by.

Do you have any serious issues in your life @cherryblossomgin?

BingoLittlesUncle · 28/12/2019 21:13

I once spoke to a Women's Institute branch whose president addressed them all as "girls" - the youngest must have been 65.

BackforGood · 28/12/2019 21:25

To be fair @Butterfly98 - OP has come back and conceded she was being unreasonable. Not sure what else you want her to say ?

siring1 · 28/12/2019 21:28

I'm keen for Seasiderabbit to respond.

Buttercup54321 · 28/12/2019 21:29

Get a grip.

MorganKitten · 28/12/2019 21:35

Si don’t see the issue

raspberrymolakoff · 28/12/2019 21:41

I had to read this several times to even understand it! I'm in my 60s and still call my girlfriends "the girls" as indeed I would my daughters. It's hardly an insult.

HoppingPavlova · 28/12/2019 21:56

I worked a warehouse a few years ago all.the grown men in the warehouse were called "the boys in the shed" by all the women. Should they have complained?

No. They should have gone on strike. For months. Complete with picket lines. Due to the horror of it all.

I really wonder how some people get out of bed in the morn, knowing they have to cope with these trials during the day.

Nillynally · 28/12/2019 22:14

I pick my DH (32) up on this all the time when he refers to women at work, I've also picked up male colleagues on it- I just say I didn't realise they employ children, I make it lighthearted. However in my personal life I don't really care. Do you not like him?

siring1 · 28/12/2019 22:39

Do you pull up women who refer to other as girls to to men as boys?

Bananatrain · 28/12/2019 22:53

You did refer to your sister's partner as BOYfriend? Sorry I'm not sure why you are so offended. Now if he had said 'these two (insert offensive words ie) slags' you would have a reason to be offended 🤪

longwayoff · 29/12/2019 07:08

What's going on? Surely these are 'themfriends' or maybe 'theyfriends'?

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