He used the phrase the girls to describe two adult women.

[cherryblossomgin]

Christmas was great but something stuck out to me, at the time I said nothing but it annoyed me and Its still annoying me. DS BF called me and DS the girls and the moment he said it I internally cringed and wanted to say something but I didn't. I'm 31 she is 30. AIBU to be bothered by this. I know its not a major issue and overall he is nice guy.

I also don’t understand who ‘DS’ BF is if you are aged 31 & 30?

Sister I think.

Anyway, I think the backlash against using girls to describe a grown woman is relatively new and I wouldn’t say it’s unforgivable for someone, particularly a man who is using it fairly innocently, to be oblivious to that fact.

I have a colleague who is very old school and calls the women in our team girls and calls me (mid 30s) “Young one” and things like that. It would be hard to say something because he is oblivious and I think means it all kindly but probably does hark back a bit to a different age where the women were mainly secretaries.

His behaviour I mean (the colleague).

I know a lot of people don't care, or even enjoy it (just see other posts here) but it does come off as sexist to me. Especially as you don't actually hear adult males called "boys" all that often.

Also, why do groups of co-ed humans need to be called guys? Even all female teams are often called guys by their coach.

I’m 55 and refer to friends as girls and my sisters as girls. I have no problem with the term.

If it’s not said in a derogatory fashion what exactly is the issue?

Don't understand why you're het up about this. I always refer to my friends as the girls.

BF stands for BOYfriend.

None of us were there to assist with whether he was deliberately patronising or, as many are saying using it in a way they’d consider acceptable but if you didn’t like it that much at the time and that it’s bothering you several days later you really ought to have said something there and then.

The question is why didn’t you, and what next?

It must be exhausting having to look so hard for things to find offensive full-time. It is extremely common, at least where I am from, to say, 'out with the boys' or 'meeting the girls in town'. There is absolutely nothing remotely sexist, insulting or demeaning about it. If you were so put out you could feel your neck reddening why didn't you say at the time, 'do you mind not referring to me as a girl, I find it offensive'? Maybe because you realised how silly you'd look. What are you going to do about it now?

I call my brothers the boys and they are both over forty. I think their dignity can stand it.

Unless it was intended to be dismissive and belittling, you are being completely ridiculous about this. You'd have looked picky and petty if you'd brought it up so thank goodness that you didn't.

I don't like it either OP But it is in such common usage that it is best not to get offended.

In a social situation it’s fine. In a work situation it’s not.

No one would ever refer to women as the girls at my place of work. Why is it unacceptable at work but people think it's aceotabke outside of work? I don't want to be called a girl amywhere. Why is that ridiculous?

Is the real issue that you just don't like him, OP?

I can’t see the issue either, I never knew it was an issue until I read MN.

It's a major issue

It definitely isn’t.

My brothers are the boys, they are 31, 38 and 40. My sister and I are the girls and we are 33 and 35.

In a work meeting or formal context, fine, it's a bit inappropriate. In a family home at Christmas you are being rather silly.

Ok, you cringed - but what did your sister do? Does she care? Would she make a thing of it? She's the one who has to deal with it generally so maybe ask her if he's normally a misogynistic patronising git, or whether she refers to herself and her friends as "girls".
If the former then you are right to be upset; if the latter then he's only taking her cue and really you should just tell your sister that you don't really like being referred to as a girl any longer so could they not do that please.

Intent will dictate whether or not it was offensive.

Oh god! Call the police!!

what did the police say?

Get over it. Complete non-issue unless he was going out of his way to use it as a put down.

Tell her to LTB.

I always say this, so does dh

I also don’t understand who ‘DS’ BF is if you are aged 31 & 30?

In this situation, I imagine DS BF = Dear Sister’s Boyfriend.0

Shoot him.

Wot @daisypond said. Social fine. Work not so.