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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is 26 considered young to have a baby?

308 replies

Niki93 · 27/12/2019 21:32

Hi. Im 26, been with my partner 4 years now. We bought our first house in 2018, both work full time and we just about get on in life fine. We arent massive high earners, but we arent idiots with money, we prioritise and save up so everything works out well. Without sounding at all egotistical, we’re probably abit more ahead of others in our friendship group in terms of maturity/goals etc. But that’s not to say we’re Any better than anyone of course, we just put our heads together, work well together and work hard for what we have really. And now with a baby on the way we’re deffo growing up even more and starting a new chapter with new priorities. Which we enjoy!

We announced our pregnancy in November. Im due in May. Its my first pregnancy and we’re very excited. Everyones been over the moon for us, its been lush. But, one thing ive noticed a few people mention is categorising me as a ‘young mam’. I didnt really think this was the case. Is it?

Im not offended at all. Im just abit curious. I considered 16-23 young ish. Not 26. I know a mixture of people who’ve had children at different life stages. My cousins 30 and still wants to wait untill she has children which is absolutely fine. Then my mam had my sister at 18 and still managed well untill me and my brother came along a few years later. I thought 26 was more medium average age?

Not really a AIBU questions, just asking out of curisosiry if people would class 26 as young to have a child, or not. :) whats your thoughts x

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 27/12/2019 22:04

I'm just 26 and have 3 year old twins and a baby, I've never considered myself a young parent - just a parent.

SalmonFajitas · 27/12/2019 22:04

I'd consider myself a middle class mum and wouldn't look down on you at all. I don't think most people are stupid enough to think anyone below the age of 30 with a baby is a reckless, binge drinking, neglectful parent! I probably wouldn't gravitate towards you at baby groups though as I'd assume you'd think I was old and boring!

elliejjtiny · 27/12/2019 22:05

26 is about average, maybe on the older side for having a first baby. Young mums are under 20 I would have said. I had my first at 24 and my last at 32. In my eldest's class at school if all the mums lined up in age order I would be in the middle. I'm the 2nd oldest of the mums in my youngest's class and the eldest is only a few days older than me. Most are a lot younger.

HarrietThePi · 27/12/2019 22:06

I turned 27 a couple of weeks before DD was born and was considered fairly young. I am younger than most of dd's friend's parents, though not all of them.

The "ideal" age for women to have a baby is very narrow if you listen to other people. I think when you hit 30 you start getting the "you better hurry up/time's running out" bs.

keepingbees · 27/12/2019 22:07

I don't think so. You're young of course but not massively so.
I had 3 by 29. When I look back I feel I was quite young but it just felt normal at the time. I think it's because lots of my friends are just starting families now in their 30's.
Age is just a number, you are financially stable and in a secure relationship. Don't give it any more thought Smile

ElizabethMountbatten · 27/12/2019 22:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

TigerOnATrain · 27/12/2019 22:13

@Niki93

I would class 26 as a bit young to have a baby. The average age for a woman to have her firstborn in 2019 is thirty.

26 isn't crazy-young, but a bit young IMO. My DC are in their mid 20s, and I cannot imagine either one becoming a parent anytime soon. They know around 2 dozen girls from school, who had their first baby at 17-20, and have 2 or 3 now. Several of them work part-time in Primark or Poundland or McDonalds. Most of them are on benefits.

Quite honestly, their lives have not moved at all, and for them (like the majority of people like them,) it probably never likely will. It used to shock me when I met acquaintances who were chuffed and smiley, and shouting it from the rooftops that they were going to be a granny - at 36, because their 17 y.o. daughter was pregnant. I would have been horrified to be honest.

26 is not TOO bad an age though, and congratulations. Smile

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2019 22:14

Def depends where you live.

The youth club I used to work at, it would've quite old. They were shocked at 30 that I'd not had kids and considered that I'd basically let the opportunity pass me by.

However at 33 when I had DS, my first, I was the first ofy school and uni friends to have a baby and at nearly 38 with the birth of my twins, that's probably the last of our babies

riotlady · 27/12/2019 22:14

I had DD at 25 and definitely feel young- most of the mums in my post-natal group and baby classes were mid 30s. None of my friends my age have kids yet, they’re mostly living in flat shares and doing loads of travelling.

Divebar · 27/12/2019 22:15

It’s all relative I’m sure... it might be “ normal” to some people but it wasn’t normal to me....I’m not sure I know many people who had children in their 20s and those that did were from my home town in the Midlands. In London most people I know were in their 30s. I was the eldest in my NCT group at 41 but there was only one woman in the group in her 20s.... I can’t think anyone looked down on either of us tbh - it was just nice people going through the same thing at the same time.

DappledThings · 27/12/2019 22:21

It’s all relative I’m sure... it might be “ normal” to some people but it wasn’t normal to me....I’m not sure I know many people who had children in their 20s and those that did were from my home town in the Midlands. In London most people I know were in their 30s. I was the eldest in my NCT group at 41 but there was only one woman in the group in her 20s.... I can’t think anyone looked down on either of us tbh - it was just nice people going through the same thing at the same time

I could have written this word for word, including the Midlands bit. I was 36 but also oldest at NCT in London and 2 were 29.

UserPop · 27/12/2019 22:23

I wouldn't say it's young to have your first, but then I am the same age and I have a 7.5 year old & an almost 2 year old.

I guess it depends who you ask.

WorldsOnFire · 27/12/2019 22:24

@cultmaskid
It’s very odd isn’t it 😂 I find it quite funny really.

On a side note, as a ‘middle’ mum that doesn’t quite fit into either category It can be really weird and lonely.

The mums my age (or younger) seem to have little in common with me in terms of circumstance (planned pregnancy, stability...etc)

Whereas the 30 something mums in my DH’s circle are quite intense, feels like a constant competition to be ‘perfect’ mum and have the ‘right’ brands/items. ‘I was in labour for 72 hours and only took 4 paracetamols’
‘You’re not intending to introduce sugar before 24 months are you?’ Types 🙄

LipstickTaserrr · 27/12/2019 22:24

I had my first at 22 and second at 26. I know much older and much younger mums although I'm at the lower end of the range of school mums at the moment and will probably be at the other end when my second starts school. It's all relative.

Paintedmaypole · 27/12/2019 22:25

Expect middle cl,ass parents to look down on you What a strange and unpleasant bunch of people you must know.

ColaFreezePop · 27/12/2019 22:27

Depends.

In my extended family whether you have your first in your 20s or in your 40s is normal. Either way you would be expected to have a career.

In my social circle - and not everyone is middle class - people would see you as young. Mainly because your 20s are seen as a time to establish who you are, and the fact lots of people have divorced and/or widowed parents who married the first time young.

TigerOnATrain · 27/12/2019 22:27

I had DD at 25 and definitely feel young- most of the mums in my post-natal group and baby classes were mid 30s. None of my friends my age have kids yet, they’re mostly living in flat shares and doing loads of travelling.

Yeah, this is what my DC and lots of their friends (all mid 20s,) are doing/have been doing. Travelling, partying, living in flat shares, in great well-paid jobs, and living their lives to the fullest.

Both my DC are in relationships and living with their partner(s) but they do a lot of travelling, and partying, and all have lots of hobbies and play lots of sports, and they are both quite high on the career ladder already, and on much more money than me and DH have ever earned.

They and their partners are all university-educated professionals. As I said though, lots of girls they knew from school have been tied down with babies and drudgery since their teens, and don't seem to do anything but wifework.

problembottom · 27/12/2019 22:30

It definitely is where I live, most of the mum friends I’ve met are in their 30s like me. One of the closest friends I’ve made is 25 tho and no one looks down on her. She seems very sorted.

TheVanguardSix · 27/12/2019 22:30

You’re a perfect age!!! We’ve gone so far the other way. I was 42 with my last, 29 with my first. The twenties are a great time for having babies. Eggs and sperm are super healthy at your and your DH’s age. Nobody over 35 likes to hear that but it’s undeniably true.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 27/12/2019 22:31

Has DS at 19 and dd at 24 so to me 26 is not young, it probably is younger than the average. It’s funny because out of the kids in DS class I’m one of the youngest and one of the oldest with dds class.

Jenasaurus · 27/12/2019 22:35

I had my first at 24, second at 27 and 3rd at 30, I think 26 is a good age if your prepared financially and in a stable set up...my eldest is now 30 and would like a family soon too.

formerbabe · 27/12/2019 22:41

I was 26 when I had my first. I don't think from an objective point of view its especially young but I felt like a teen mum amongst my middle class circle of friends!

Looking back, it's amazing how much energy I had and how I used to exist on little sleep, still look good, work and look after my dc.
I'm 38 now and I think if I had a baby now I wouldn't cope as well at all energy wise.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 27/12/2019 22:42

OP you're earlier threads suggests you're looking for problems.. amazing how you never returned to it when you didnt get the answers you were looking for.

Pokkadots · 27/12/2019 22:43

I had my first at 26. Perfect age if you ask me!!

Trills · 27/12/2019 22:43

Average age to have a first child in England & Wales was 28.5 years as of 2014.

source

So younger than average but not by enough to remark on it IF we made remarks based on countrywide averages

But as others have said, it's very dependent on your social circle. It will be young-enough-to-provoke-comment in some groups, and older than average for other groups.