Is 26 considered young to have a baby?

[Niki93]

Hi. Im 26, been with my partner 4 years now. We bought our first house in 2018, both work full time and we just about get on in life fine. We arent massive high earners, but we arent idiots with money, we prioritise and save up so everything works out well. Without sounding at all egotistical, we’re probably abit more ahead of others in our friendship group in terms of maturity/goals etc. But that’s not to say we’re Any better than anyone of course, we just put our heads together, work well together and work hard for what we have really. And now with a baby on the way we’re deffo growing up even more and starting a new chapter with new priorities. Which we enjoy!

We announced our pregnancy in November. Im due in May. Its my first pregnancy and we’re very excited. Everyones been over the moon for us, its been lush. But, one thing ive noticed a few people mention is categorising me as a ‘young mam’. I didnt really think this was the case. Is it?

Im not offended at all. Im just abit curious. I considered 16-23 young ish. Not 26. I know a mixture of people who’ve had children at different life stages. My cousins 30 and still wants to wait untill she has children which is absolutely fine. Then my mam had my sister at 18 and still managed well untill me and my brother came along a few years later. I thought 26 was more medium average age?

Not really a AIBU questions, just asking out of curisosiry if people would class 26 as young to have a child, or not. :) whats your thoughts x

@snowball28

What an odd comment. I'm glad you think being considerate of our planet and the other creatures who live on it is immature... I think that says more about you than me, love. Also, I wasn't the one advocating for "sensible 17 year olds" (children) to have children. Check yourself.

@catx1606

Why?

MunaZaldrizoti

Because you have suggested that the OP and everyone else should consider having children at all as the planet is dying so I wandered if you had children anyway or if you made the decision not to because of that reason.

There's that line from Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen) that says "Do not congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else's"

I had mine at 28 and 30. Looking back, it feels about right, but I won't fool myself clever. Happened to find a good chap; lucky to get to a good stage in my career at a young age; no problems TTC.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. There's only one way of life- and that's your own

perfectly reasonable age.

if you are giving up paid work, 20 mins in the registry office would be a good idea. Remember there's no such thing as 'common law wife' in the uk. Protect yourself.

@MunaZaldrizoti

I rest my case. You clearly can’t have a logical and respectful discussion without resorting to silly temper tantrums and random emotive statements about the planet.

I presume you live in an eco friendly home, walk everywhere, will never have children, completely vegan, grow your own food, never use single use plastics etc etc. Considering you are so enamoured with saving the planet and all( which has got zilch to do with the age people choose to have children FYI) yes I’m just certain you do all them things and more which would give your pint any form of gravity whatsoever.

I don’t think 26 is too young generally.....but it’s definitely considered young amongst my social circles where no one under 30 had a baby. The average age for a first child was probably around 36/37.

The trend for this is obviously a combo of factors...more people going on to Higher education and not graduating until age 22/23. People not meeting the person they want to spend the rest of their life with/have children with until late 20s/early 30s. High house prices in the South East/London meant that a lot of our contemporaries (including ourselves) spent a good many years saving to get on the housing ladder. Let’s face it, this this much easier to achieve having two people working full time, with no gaps for maternity leave, plus childcare costs to be factored in.

In all honesty I’m probably in awe of anyone having got their shit together, both emotionally and financially, before the age of 30 to have a child. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy Op!

I was 27. I don’t think 26 is too young if you’re in a stable relationship and can afford it.

It was the norm to have children at a young age years ago now people often wait but there is definitely nothing wrong with that she or any age actually. I think 26 is a great age.

I had my first at 19. I was young obviously but I felt mature compared to the 16-17 year olds having babies. I am 27 now and have a younger daughter who I had at 23.

It sounds like you’re doing fab!

there's a lot to be said for having kids at the same time as your "friendship group".

other than that there's not really any 'best time' to do it. in terms of maximising your physical robustness & energy levels etc, aged c 20 is probably the best time, in terms of maximising your worldly wisdom etc aged c 40 is probably best. most people do it somewhere between these two extremes & in the process lose/gain a little way or another.

It didn't used to be young but nobody I know had a baby that young. I had my first in my early thirties and my friends mostly had them later than me, some well into their forties. I don't think anybody would consider 26 'too young'. It's just younger than a lot of people have them now. I think that is mostly because people don't settle down with an intended life partner as early as they used to. I would have liked to have had my children in my twenties. You'll be alive for more of their lives than if you had had them later.

But then I can think of women who had a baby at 16/17 then ended up in a new relationship and marrying and starting all over again in their 30’s

Yes that's quite a common occurrence I think. I know one woman who had two children as a teen and two more in her forties. It would be my worst nightmare!

there's a lot to be said for having kids at the same time as your "friendship group

Yes definitely...my eldest is nearly 12...most of my friends are just starting to think about having babies. Once I no longer need a babysitter, I'll probably want to start going out clubbing again and they'll all be at soft play together

there's a lot to be said for having kids at the same time as your "friendship group"

Completely agree, like I said up thread my friends all finished 2+ years ago and I had my first earlier this year, the different stages that our children are at have left me at odds because they're all going through the starting school together whereas I've got no one at the same stage as me and I've really struggled to make friends at groups.

There's only one way of life- and that's your own
I've got the Bloody Leveller's song in my head now!

I do understand the 'have fun and go traveling first'. Personally I've been to 31 places and have traveled places like Thailand for a month etc and I've been extremely lucky to do this at the age of 20. I am now pregnant and engaged and I'm financially, emotionally etc ready for this life but that's mainly because I've enjoyed that 'life' that younger people want before kids and I will continue to after I have children too (it will just slow down a lot!) so honestly depends on you as a person than age

I turned twenty six on Christmas day and I have six kids under five, I think you're good lovely!xx

Six under five
That sounds like hard work.

I do understand the 'have fun and go traveling first

I don't understand this idea being churned out as it is something that must be done.
Not everyone wants to travel. Every ones idea of fun is different.
Personally I don't think 26 is particularly young by any means.
I know many people with a families and they are in their early 20s. To them they are happy and having fun.

@notacooldad I agree. I think "Go travelling first" is as good as any one-size-fits-all advice, and I do sometimes wish I'd travelled before kids. However, the fact that I hadn't actually been abroad alone by my early 20s is probably ample proof of the fact that I didn't really want to do it, or not enough to make the necessary sacrifices anyway.

There's loads of time to go travelling before bid 20s.

I think the going ‘travelling’ thing is a nice to have done tick box item, but certainly not essential pre-children.

The essential stuff for me was being a home owner and meeting the right person. Which is why, further up the thread, I said I was in awe of anyone that has managed to achieve this and have a baby by the age of 26. In my social circles 26 is considered young as most of my contemporaries had done a degree during that time and were saving to buy a home in the South East/London. The average age of a first time buyer in London is currently 33, thus not surprising people in this locality and surrounding areas are putting off having a first child until well into their 30s and often 40s. Completely understand that this is very regional though, and people’s ideas about what is a young age to have a first child will vary greatly depending on your locality and background.

Depending on what your DC are like its possible to travel with your DC along too - I'm so looking forward to taking DS up his first Alp this summer. Its lovely sharing family hobbies (poor DH will huff and moan the whole way up )

I think the going ‘travelling’ thing is a nice to have done tick box item, but certainly not essential pre-children
Definitely not. I have done all my solo travelling post children. I started when they were about 3 and 6.

I had 2 children by the age of 27 and a career that I’m still doing well in. Not too young at all in my opinion.