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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is 26 considered young to have a baby?

308 replies

Niki93 · 27/12/2019 21:32

Hi. Im 26, been with my partner 4 years now. We bought our first house in 2018, both work full time and we just about get on in life fine. We arent massive high earners, but we arent idiots with money, we prioritise and save up so everything works out well. Without sounding at all egotistical, we’re probably abit more ahead of others in our friendship group in terms of maturity/goals etc. But that’s not to say we’re Any better than anyone of course, we just put our heads together, work well together and work hard for what we have really. And now with a baby on the way we’re deffo growing up even more and starting a new chapter with new priorities. Which we enjoy!

We announced our pregnancy in November. Im due in May. Its my first pregnancy and we’re very excited. Everyones been over the moon for us, its been lush. But, one thing ive noticed a few people mention is categorising me as a ‘young mam’. I didnt really think this was the case. Is it?

Im not offended at all. Im just abit curious. I considered 16-23 young ish. Not 26. I know a mixture of people who’ve had children at different life stages. My cousins 30 and still wants to wait untill she has children which is absolutely fine. Then my mam had my sister at 18 and still managed well untill me and my brother came along a few years later. I thought 26 was more medium average age?

Not really a AIBU questions, just asking out of curisosiry if people would class 26 as young to have a child, or not. :) whats your thoughts x

OP posts:
avocadotofu · 28/12/2019 20:23

To me it's young but no one in my social circle had children before 30.

tequilasunrises · 28/12/2019 20:23

I’m 26 and TTC. I’m married, own my own home, have plenty of savings and a good stable job with family friendly policies. I’ve also ‘travelled’ and had a blast (but it baffles me why lots of posters seem to think they/their DC are more well rounded and ‘superior’ having travelled. Let’s be honest, travelling to most 20somethings = getting ratarsed on some island rammed with other tourists and taking ‘instagrammable’ photos. It’s hardly a requirement of having a fulfilled and interesting life and being ready for children. Ahem, anyway).

Whilst I appreciate that in certain careers having children might have to take a backseat it’s also important to remember that women do have a biological clock, and it does start to tick in our late twenties. Sure, many women can and do get pregnant in their mid to late thirties and even their forties but you only have to browse the conception threads to realise that plenty struggle. Biologically, 26 is spot on to start having children. The cost of living, housing in particular and the fact that it’s harder to climb the career the ladder without multiple degrees/qualifications has pushed everything back for some. But if your financially and emotionally ready then that’s perfect!

I’ve had some medical problems in the past so I’d far rather try now than ‘live life to the full’ and get to 35 and realise I’ve missed my chance.

CBGBs · 28/12/2019 20:23

I had my first at 23 and second at 25. I’m originally from a borough that has been notorious for high incidences of teenage pregnancies so I seemed like an older mother at the time. I also had a tough start to life so in some ways it’s remarkable that I didn’t get pregnant before 23.

Luckily I work in a decently paid blue collar job (train driver - I got this job when I was 24 and my first child was an infant). I now live in a leafy upmarket area 30 mins from my old area where I am looked upon as an extremely young mother (36 and my eldest is 13).

I did miss out on a bit of travel when I was younger but actually its panned out well as we travel with the DC, i think I’ve preferred seeing the world through their eyes.

Fabmumof3 · 28/12/2019 20:25

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Merename · 28/12/2019 20:25

It’s young compared to me and most people I know, but I don’t think too young. I wouldn’t call you a young mum as such but I don’t have any friends who had a baby before 32. The way of the world these days for many! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

TigerOnATrain · 28/12/2019 20:26

Is there really a good (or bad) time to have a baby? Is having them young better or having them older better?

There are arguments for both.

EG, having them a bit older (eg 40 to 43 ish,) has its advantages - like you have probably gotten to a good place in your career, paid off some of your mortgage, got yourself (relatively) financially secure, and would have done lots of the stuff you wanted to do (incl lots of travel.)

However, there's being more tired and weary as you get past 40 to consider (and you DO, so please don't deny it,) and having a small (junior school age) child to look after/contend with when you're knocking the door of 50, will be no picnic.

An older mother will have much less energy than her younger counterparts, and may eventually need care when that child is still quite young - like only in their 20s. (Or will be more likely to die, leaving a very young adult without a mother..) Again, don't deny this, because it IS more likely than if a woman has children at a much younger age than 40.

However....... Having kids a a rather young age can also cause problems. Like I know several women whose mother who had them at 17-19, and now these young women have a baby, their mothers are only in their early to mid 40s, and now work full time, and are not there for their young adult daughters, to help them with their baby.

Not saying that is the role of women/mothers to be babysitter and home-help for their daughters, but it's nice if they ARE there if/when needed, at least some of the time. Much younger mothers are also likely to be less tolerant, and less financially secure, and her children will often have less opportunities than those with older mothers.

Personally, I think the ideal age to have your first baby is 30-32.

Also, it's ridiculous to suggest that having a baby young won't affect a woman's life, career opportunities, and things she can do. Yep you can go on holiday with kids - obviously - but you can't go TRAVELLING with them. (Not properly.)

You always get the 'I had 2 kids by 19, but did a degree at Oxford, and built a multi-national company by the age of 25' type comments on this type of thread.

Fact is, for the vast majority of young women who become a mother young (like under 22,) that is not the reality. A life of drudgery and wifework is the most likely scenario. Admit it or not; it's still true.

Funnily enough, I have never known one single woman who had babies really young, and then went on to achieve high academic qualifications, and build a very successful career (or build a massively successful business.) I know some claim in on here, but in real life, I have yet to meet one.

And completing a couple of Learn Direct courses, and being an Avon Lady doesn't count... Wink

CFlemingSmith · 28/12/2019 20:28

@TigerOnATrain More than happy to meet you to show that at 23 I have everything you say isn’t possible?

MonstranceClock · 28/12/2019 20:31

And completing a couple of Learn Direct courses, and being an Avon Lady doesn't count... wink

What a shitty, horrible and snobby thing to say.
Anyone trying to better themselves for their children in anyway what so ever is admirable and commendable and of course “counts”.

Teateaandmoretea · 28/12/2019 20:32

cfleming unless you are wealthy in background you are not financially secure at 23. You may be doing well but that isn't the same thing.

I had a mortgage and a good job at 23 with DH but it would be ridiculous to suggest our position at 30 wasn't better. In a few years you will look back and see the same.

CFlemingSmith · 28/12/2019 20:33

@Teateaandmoretea What, interestingly, would you classify as financially secure?

Teateaandmoretea · 28/12/2019 20:33

FWIW I do know people who have done well having had babies at 21 ish though. Interestingly one of them is 🤦🏻‍♀️ about how naive she was (and she has also been a great mum to her lovely daughter)

TheDarkPassenger · 28/12/2019 20:34

By that age I had three 🙈

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 28/12/2019 20:34

When my mum had me in the 70s she was called a geriatric mum at 26

Teateaandmoretea · 28/12/2019 20:37

What, interestingly, would you classify as financially secure?

I think that's the point isn't it? What does it mean? Unless you piss it up the wall you'll be better off in a few years if you are doing well now. For me it's about having security, we'd paid off a mortgage on our first terraced house before we had children. That was a perk of age and double earnings for several years.

Unless you are wealthy or have been unfortunate enough to inherit young.

But it's ridiculous to suggest that financial security isn't linked to age.

amusedbush · 28/12/2019 20:41

My mum has me at 26 and I thought that was a good, sensible age... until I turned 26 Grin I’m almost 30 and nowhere ready for a baby!

Loads of people I went to school with started having kids around then but funnily enough, DH and I were just coming up 26 when we got married and we were the first of anyone we knew - by a long shot.

Different strokes and all that.

PixieDustt · 28/12/2019 20:43

It's more common now to see older women getting pregnant but I wouldn't say 26 was too young.
I had DS when I was 26. Only 27 now but not sure when the next will be! 😂
Congratulations!

TigerOnATrain · 28/12/2019 20:46

@MonstranceClock

Nothing shitty and horrible and snobby about what I said.

I mean completing a learn direct course and being an avon lady, does not equate to being highly educated and successful in business like a few posters on here are claiming. Because I am willing to bet that this is what it is, moreso than being really successful and rich and highly educated! Even though someone laughingly said 'contact me and I will PROVE it!' LOL!

Seems I hit a raw nerve with you eh? Wink

It's ludicrous to suggest having kids young won't affect your life, and future career prospects, and I am pissed off with the 'But I had 2 kids before I was 20, and am sooo successful and rich and Oxbridge educated' type comments from a from a few on here, because it's misleading and dangerous to peddle this, when the reality is NOT like that for most young mothers!

tequilasunrises · 28/12/2019 20:49

@Teateaandmoretea I’m 26 and a homeowner. My SIL is 34 and not, and has no savings. Financial security isn’t positively correlated with age.

tequilasunrises · 28/12/2019 20:51

@TigerOnATrain It’s also not the reality that you can leave having children as long as you want and expect to click your fingers at 35 and be pregnant. Just because people you know haven’t struggled (that you know off) doesn’t mean that many many women do at that age.

1Micem0use · 28/12/2019 20:52

But this post is about 26 year old first time mothers. Plenty of 26 year olds have post grad degrees and careers.

tequilasunrises · 28/12/2019 20:53

*know of. Not helping my own cause here!

Teateaandmoretea · 28/12/2019 20:58

I’m 26 and a homeowner. My SIL is 34 and not, and has no savings. Financial security isn’t positively correlated with age.

Well you will be more financially secure at 34 than 26 so it is.

I'm not saying that everyone who is older is more secure than everyone younger 🤦🏻‍♀️. That clearly isn't the case. But individuals like you who are doing well will be unless something goes wrong as your mortgage will be closer to paid off.

CFlemingSmith · 28/12/2019 21:02

@TigerOnATrain
No nerve hit. Just find it very odd when people so negatively generalise.

MonstranceClock · 28/12/2019 21:02

Seems I hit a raw nerve with you eh? wink

No you really didn’t. But you’re clearly just an asshole.

tequilasunrises · 28/12/2019 21:08

@Teateaandmoretea I might be, but I’m not sure how much that of a consolation that will be if I’ve left it too late to conceive. There’s also plenty of things that could happen in the mean time that would destroy my financial security altogether. Who knows? Security doesn’t necessarily increase with age in real life but fertility does decline.

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