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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end my marriage right in the middle of festivities!?!

251 replies

Mammy2four · 27/12/2019 21:32

long time lurker here!!

Married , 4 small kids and have known my marriage is over with some time! I just look at my DH and know there is nothing to fight for anymore.

I'm miserable, he is miserable although he hasn't admitted this. no affair from either of us BUT his actions in the last 3 years has been shocking. no domestic violence or anything but just a refusal to contribute to the house be it financially or just being present! lights on nobody is home shit!

I went to college so was entitled to education allowances etc. since then his earning has remained firmly in his pocket! why would he need to give me money when I have my own! money greedy he said I am.

so I pay our mortgage, loan for his motorbike purchased 3 years ago costing 15k without consulting me, pay all Bill's, shop for 6 of us and cover all costs involved with kids. be it educational or recreational.

the straw that has broke the camels back??? he informed me his dad was with us for xmas, no problem i like the man. so just asked for a little help with costs of xmas, 4x santa 17 nieces and nephews 13 being on his side but i see them as my family so no regrets in getting them gifts and the xmas food shop. He gave me 200£. he earns in the region of 1000 a week. I am training so get 450 per week.

this has been an ongoing argument in our house with months. if the kids ask him to assist with anything even down to toilet trips, twins are 3.5 so just toilet trained it's a huge deal where is mummy etc!

I need to go bed shopping while off work so said I would go tomorrow and he watch the kids, he firmly informed me no he wasnt minding them I could bring them with me and make sure I had money for beds as he wouldnt be paying toward them.

I just feel my life while if would be hard would be alot more manageable with just the 4 kids to mind as I manage all drops and collections and working full time without any input from him except negative input.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2019 06:28

If he is going to attempt to hide the cash, what would be stopping you from removing all the cash from the wallet and denying all knowledge?

justilou1 · 28/12/2019 06:51

This man is a tick, a leech

justdoityourself · 28/12/2019 06:59

First thing I'd do is change your bank account so your wages don't go into the joint one and get swallowed up! Then make plans for getting rid of him. Why are you still with him??

Womenwotlunch · 28/12/2019 07:03

Op, I am fuming in your behalf.
He’s a liability. Bin him

Palaver1 · 28/12/2019 07:23

Where is he from what a horrible nasty vile hateful person .My soon to be ex has refused to engage on any scale with mediation,letters emails costing me thousands we now are waiting for a court date.
He refused to buy a car for over 7 years.
yesterday he came home with a top of the range car 18000 cash.

Palaver1 · 28/12/2019 07:24

If you both own the house you can’t insist that anyone moves out.

lowlandLucky · 28/12/2019 07:38

It needs to end today. Life will be better tomorrow if you get rid of him

Molly333 · 28/12/2019 07:43

You will actually feel releaf and your children will nit grow up thinking thats they too should be diwn trodden ( i watched my mum and ended up in the same situation thankfully he left in the end) .
Hes financially and emotionally abusive . Start planning your escape in secret now . You will feel free !

JustACog · 28/12/2019 07:47

There's never going to be a perfect time.

Do it now and give yourself a break

couchparsnip · 28/12/2019 08:31

OP you probably shouldn't speak to him about this yet or let him know your plans. He could empty the joint bank account and leave you with nothing. You need to get your own account first. Before anything else.

TheLittleBrownFox · 28/12/2019 08:43

Right, here put thsre on. Ready? Let's go!

Contact your employer. "I need to urgently change the account you pay me into. Here is the new account number and sort code. And check once everybody is back in the office next week that they've auctioned it.

To be Frank, I'd take the cash out of his wallet and pay it straight into my personal account. He is a cheeky fucker who is sitting on a massive mountain of notes while you scrape together pennies to feed and clothe HIS children and feed and house HIM. Get ANGRY about this. Xmas Angry

Stop giving a shit about keeping up appearances. Tell his dad that as he hasn't paid a penny towards his kids or the mortgage, he will be buying and hosting his dad not you. Get your kids in your bed and have a watching films day with them. Or take furat money from his wallet and take them out for the day I'm not joking.

81Byerley · 28/12/2019 08:54

Drop him and his bills flat on his arse. Why are you paying for his bike anyway?

SourAndSnippy · 28/12/2019 09:02

.

TheSerenDipitY · 28/12/2019 09:52

if you find that wallet, take the lot, every single penny, he owes you 60 a week for how long you have been paying the bike and he owes you half to house bills and mortgage for the last few years and he will owe you half the bedding costs and food costs, if he wants to check out and expect you to pay for it all and do it all he needs to pay his share... then kick his ass out and apply for child support and divorce his lazy useless ass

AnotherEmma · 28/12/2019 09:58

I agree about taking the cash from the wallet but I think it would make him very angry and OP would be at risk of violence. So if you do it OP be very careful indeed!

user27495824 · 28/12/2019 10:29

Just wanted to add you should definitely take all the cash from the wallet and put it in your own new bank account. He owes you that.

Eslteacher06 · 28/12/2019 11:49

I think advising to steal money is not a good idea, even if she should have it. she really should do everything by the book right now because by the sounds of it he will use anything to get to her.

Stickybeaksid · 28/12/2019 12:09

Get your child benefits changed into a sole account. You need to download a form from the dept of social welfare and send it to their office in Donegal but it’s a start.

KarmaStar · 28/12/2019 13:21

Hi op,
You know Yanbu and to be fair to you and your dc you need to get away from this fool who has no idea what he is about to lose.
You don't need him and can forge a Happy future for yourself..one that is going to be very bright.Star

Youseethethingis · 28/12/2019 14:00

Fucking hell, OP. You wouldn’t be ending the marriage so much as shutting its eyes and pulling the shroud over its face to give it some dignity.
You sound like a very strong woman and this piece of shit you’re lumbered with will regret being such an unworthy excuse for a man, husband and father.
I wish you good luck in the future, you and your children deserve so much better Flowers

mummyway · 28/12/2019 14:10

This is a form of abuse op. Why have you put up with it for so long is the question.

FizzyIce · 28/12/2019 14:27

Open a new account and don’t let him have access , don’t pay for anything for him and kick this useless ,selfish , son of a bitch out of the house .
How you’ve put up with him for so long is a mystery

MeetmeinParis · 28/12/2019 14:43

My sister was in a similar situation, in the end he left her, she is now massively better off than she was as he legally has to pay her a certain amount for my nieces. He was a wanker and controlled her in so many other ways that she can thankfully now see but couldn't at the time. Get rid OP.

Toooldfornonsense · 28/12/2019 14:49

OP please don’t wait for another few days. Get rid of him now. In terms of any debts, if he is the only one on any loan(s), he is liable regardless of what bank account it comes from. If you have more than the bike loan that is in his name and comes out of the joint account, I’d cancel it.

I think you’ve been very restrained when finding the 1000s in his wallet. I’d have taken half out and thrown him out the same day...

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/12/2019 14:53

start protecting your finances now and tell him to pay his way or leave

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