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Original poster

To end my marriage right in the middle of festivities!?!

251 replies

Mammy2four · 27/12/2019 21:32

long time lurker here!!

Married , 4 small kids and have known my marriage is over with some time! I just look at my DH and know there is nothing to fight for anymore.

I'm miserable, he is miserable although he hasn't admitted this. no affair from either of us BUT his actions in the last 3 years has been shocking. no domestic violence or anything but just a refusal to contribute to the house be it financially or just being present! lights on nobody is home shit!

I went to college so was entitled to education allowances etc. since then his earning has remained firmly in his pocket! why would he need to give me money when I have my own! money greedy he said I am.

so I pay our mortgage, loan for his motorbike purchased 3 years ago costing 15k without consulting me, pay all Bill's, shop for 6 of us and cover all costs involved with kids. be it educational or recreational.

the straw that has broke the camels back??? he informed me his dad was with us for xmas, no problem i like the man. so just asked for a little help with costs of xmas, 4x santa 17 nieces and nephews 13 being on his side but i see them as my family so no regrets in getting them gifts and the xmas food shop. He gave me 200£. he earns in the region of 1000 a week. I am training so get 450 per week.

this has been an ongoing argument in our house with months. if the kids ask him to assist with anything even down to toilet trips, twins are 3.5 so just toilet trained it's a huge deal where is mummy etc!

I need to go bed shopping while off work so said I would go tomorrow and he watch the kids, he firmly informed me no he wasnt minding them I could bring them with me and make sure I had money for beds as he wouldnt be paying toward them.

I just feel my life while if would be hard would be alot more manageable with just the 4 kids to mind as I manage all drops and collections and working full time without any input from him except negative input.

OP posts:
Pilot1 · 28/12/2019 14:58

omg ..leave and don’t look back Flowers x

MimiCaeger · 28/12/2019 14:59

Here to give my first ever LTB

AhNowTed · 28/12/2019 15:25

Mother of god OP why are you putting up with this shit.

Get rid of him, and in the meantime DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR HIM.

No dinner, no washing, nothing. And stop paying for his stupid fucking bike. The brass neck of him!

He is taking you for a complete ride.

BlueSuffragette · 28/12/2019 15:44

OP you really must divorce him. He treats you like shit, is financially abusive and a shit father to your children. There is no reason at all to put up with it anymore. New year, new life.

damnthatanxiety · 28/12/2019 15:57

What the fuck is wrong with you. Open a new account. Put your money in there. Stop paying for this arseholes bills. Stop buying anything to do with him. Stop doing anything. Just stop.

Cryingoverspilttea · 28/12/2019 16:07

Throw him the fuck out. Get a grip woman. You are doing fine without him.

BlouseAndSkirt · 28/12/2019 18:15

OP, you definitely need to separate, and the sooner the better.

However, I would go and see a solicitor before you do, get all the necessary information, find out what you will be entitled to, how to get him out of the house, etc.

If you just unleash your fury and frustration on him and tell him you want him out he may well start hiding 'his ' money, and refuse to go if it is a jointly owned house.

Knowledge is power, planning is power.and both will stand you in good stead to get quickly and effectively through a separation.

Posters from anywhere in the world are welcome - but legal and financial advice needs to be specific to the country, so much practical advice you receive here might not be relevant to you.

No doubt about he state of your marriage though - he is behaving horribly whatever country you are in!

Nokiding · 29/12/2019 00:18

Get rid as soon as possible. You'll be much happier

Holdencaulfieldshomeboy · 29/12/2019 01:35

Please please leave him, he's a lazy entitled cock lodger. I've been single now for 3 years. It was Christmas day night that I decided to myself that is it, I've had enough. He was a selfish emotionally abusive pig. It's the best thing I ever did. I LOVE being single. My only regret is not leaving him sooner. Life is so much easier without an irritating man-child around. Please leave him. You deserve so much better this.Flowers

MsPepperPotts · 31/12/2019 19:21

I hope you're doing ok @Mammy2four Flowers

Surround yourself with love and support from family and friends
Here's to a very bright and new future starting in 2020
Good Luck to you and your DCs Crown Smile

ButtonandPickle19 · 31/12/2019 20:34

This can’t possibly be the whole story - no way would you spend 20 years with a man like that - he must have changed and had a reason for change.

However, I would have your own bank account, work out what half the bills are and only put that much in. Tell him you’re doing that. You pay half and he pays half.

Does he feel you own him because he covered all the bills for X many years?

Oh! And if it doesn’t change/he’s unhappy with half leave his ass!

Veterinari · 31/12/2019 20:43

Work out the costs of running the house and ask why it’s up to you to cover his housing, childcare, food and bills?

If he says that you’re greedy for wanting money tell him he’s the greedy one for expecting you to cover his costs.
It should be split fairly - why bother having a joint account for joint expenses if he's Not actually contributing. You have 4 kids already - you don’t need another financially dependent man-child

Wonkydonkey44 · 31/12/2019 20:55

Open a bank account in your own name , move the direct debits that are yours to this new account . Your wage now gets paid into there. Contact the bank where the joint account is and get the bank account frozen citing marital dispute.
Do not carry on paying his direct debits and lease for the love of god LTB.

choli · 01/01/2020 09:19

Does he feel you own him because he covered all the bills for X many years?
Bingo. Not at all saying it's right but I bet that's what is in his head.

Inliverpool1 · 01/01/2020 09:23

For 4 children you’s get £600 ish in child support off him and probably some government help too.
Purely on a mathematical basis you’re better off without him

SuperMeerkat · 01/01/2020 09:28

He won’t be liking it when he has to pay child maintenance for 15 years (assuming the twins are the youngest) Serves him right!

Inliverpool1 · 01/01/2020 09:30

As for the cash you can’t steal from
Your husband or wife apparently because it’s already yours. I discovered this when ex stole my car and I tried to report it

user1498572889 · 01/01/2020 09:49

OP. Financially you will be better off without him but I understand the feeling that it is better for the kids if he is there. In the long run it won’t be better for them because you will end up getting more and more resentful and your kids will pick up on that. Also they will think his type of non parenting is normal and you don’t want them growing up thinking it’s ok for dads to be like him. You sound like you know what you want to do but it is you living your life and only you know what’s best for you and your kids. Good luck.

Buttonnose45 · 01/01/2020 10:27

Twins eh?

Horehound · 01/01/2020 11:41

Lol yup...now we all know

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 01/01/2020 11:44

Eh?

BlueSuffragette · 01/01/2020 11:49

Sorry but I don't understand the post above about twins.Hmm
If this is a real thread then I hope you have a much better new year OP. Have you managed to make any changes yet?

Shockers · 01/01/2020 13:03

What do we all know? Confused

madcatladyforever · 01/01/2020 17:57

What are you waiting for, dump this sack of shit. Dump his bike loan too.

interestingname · 01/01/2020 18:51

I'm living in a similar area to you and there is help available.

I would start with calling Cope Galway - you don't need to be in need of emergency accommodation but they will be able to provide support, counselling if you need it. They help many different women who find themselves in different domestic abuse situations. Just because it's not physical doesn't mean it's not abuse!

www.copegalway.ie/domestic-abuse-services/waterside-house/

I would also consult MABS - The Money Advice and Budgeting Service. They are free of charge and can offer advice to someone who has financial worries.

www.mabs.ie/en/

Best of luck!