Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end my marriage right in the middle of festivities!?!

251 replies

Mammy2four · 27/12/2019 21:32

long time lurker here!!

Married , 4 small kids and have known my marriage is over with some time! I just look at my DH and know there is nothing to fight for anymore.

I'm miserable, he is miserable although he hasn't admitted this. no affair from either of us BUT his actions in the last 3 years has been shocking. no domestic violence or anything but just a refusal to contribute to the house be it financially or just being present! lights on nobody is home shit!

I went to college so was entitled to education allowances etc. since then his earning has remained firmly in his pocket! why would he need to give me money when I have my own! money greedy he said I am.

so I pay our mortgage, loan for his motorbike purchased 3 years ago costing 15k without consulting me, pay all Bill's, shop for 6 of us and cover all costs involved with kids. be it educational or recreational.

the straw that has broke the camels back??? he informed me his dad was with us for xmas, no problem i like the man. so just asked for a little help with costs of xmas, 4x santa 17 nieces and nephews 13 being on his side but i see them as my family so no regrets in getting them gifts and the xmas food shop. He gave me 200£. he earns in the region of 1000 a week. I am training so get 450 per week.

this has been an ongoing argument in our house with months. if the kids ask him to assist with anything even down to toilet trips, twins are 3.5 so just toilet trained it's a huge deal where is mummy etc!

I need to go bed shopping while off work so said I would go tomorrow and he watch the kids, he firmly informed me no he wasnt minding them I could bring them with me and make sure I had money for beds as he wouldnt be paying toward them.

I just feel my life while if would be hard would be alot more manageable with just the 4 kids to mind as I manage all drops and collections and working full time without any input from him except negative input.

OP posts:
HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples · 27/12/2019 22:15

Tell him “On his bike” and cancel the direct debit for it while you are at it ! He sounds like neither use or ornament. Taking money from the kids mouth if I was having a dramatic turn.

imarocketman50 · 27/12/2019 22:17

I assume the Bill's are paid from a joint account. Get any money paid to you going into an account that is just in your name and that he has no access to and start moving the house Bill's over to be paid from that account. Don't move any that are his expenses.

LTB for sure. I believe there is a new law that came into effect yesterday about financial abuse.

mediumbrownmug · 27/12/2019 22:17

Oh, and I’d sell the bike/van, if I was the one paying for it.

ExhaustedGrinch · 27/12/2019 22:18

Get rid and claim maintenance ASAP, at least he'll be forced to pay towards his children at long last! I've found parenting so much easier on my own than parenting with a non contributing areshole.

letsdolunch321 · 27/12/2019 22:18

You have enough suggestions on here to kick this idiot to the curb along with sorting out your finances .... be strong and do what is needed

HollowTalk · 27/12/2019 22:19

In every single way you will be better off without this waste of space.

notapizzaeater · 27/12/2019 22:19

Wow, just get rid, he'd have to pay maintenance if nothing else, he's a leech !

Lulualla · 27/12/2019 22:19

Have you ever asked "why am I paying for everything" or "this house is 50/50 so where is your half?"

I just dint understand hie this happens without you really drilling him on it and then walking away when he refuses.

Leave now. Serve divorce papers asap.

Butterfly84 · 27/12/2019 22:20

OP, I am gobsmacked. He is a disgrace.

Get rid of him. He is abusing you in so many ways: financially, emotionally, mentally. Move on without him, your life will be so much better without him.

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2019 22:20

Sorry, not the wrong button.
YADNBU

SexlessBoulderBelly · 27/12/2019 22:20

Yep kick him out. He hasn’t a leg to stand on really if he hasn’t contributed much of a dime.

Pack a bag for him, don’t mention it, just pack it and when he asks why, casually just tell him that you’ve decided not to put up with the non-contributions anymore and think it best if he leaves, while handing him his easily packed bag. Poker face is essential.. maybe even a smile.

Brot64 · 27/12/2019 22:20

Kick him out now! Not only are you operating on a financial loss but emotional, psychological, mental and probably physical losses too.

Total unhappiness overall. With the added unhappiness caused to your DC's. Why is he still there?

Fiveletters · 27/12/2019 22:21

He sounds awful. What does he do with all his money?

Lulualla · 27/12/2019 22:21

And call CMS. You can involve CMS whilst still living together.
Inform him that the marriage is over and you are seeking a divorce. Tell him you will be keeping the family home. Then call CMS and open a case. He will need to start paying from the date the contact him

SusanneLinder · 27/12/2019 22:21

Get a new Bank account opened ,get his Direct Debits cancelled and then get him to the far end of fuck as you can. Mans a twat!

Lulualla · 27/12/2019 22:22

And stop cooking for him. Dont give him any food you have paid for.
Move everything to a new account, but dont update the account details for his bike loan or anything of his. Just stop it

sameasiteverwasantiques · 27/12/2019 22:23

Cancel any direct debits that come out of the account!

Newmumma83 · 27/12/2019 22:25

If you want it to work keep every receipt and do an excel sheet on expenses ... hand him this and his bill for his half... and then explain if he tried to say you are money grabbing that if anyone is he is , as he isn’t actually paying his way despite earning twice what you do.m so how is it you are the money grabbing one it’s there in black and white

Also his bike loan his his to pay not yours

How infuriating so sorry op

WatchingFromTheWings · 27/12/2019 22:25

Been a member of MN for 3 or 4 years. I do believe this will be my first LTB.

his insurances for van and bike go from our bank always have but now that just my wages go in, it's all coming from mine

Stop this ASAP! Open up a new account. Pay whatever bills you need to pay to make I'm sure you and the kids are ok. Don't pay his loan or insurances! You'll be way way better off if you're getting cms from him!

Collision · 27/12/2019 22:26

Yes

Get rid and then get half of everything he has.

He won’t know what has hit him.

thesunhasgothishatontoday · 27/12/2019 22:26

OP gave no qualms about kicking his sorry ass out!!

Original poster
Mammy2four · 27/12/2019 22:27

it kind of gradually happened if I. being honest, there would have been money going in from my college and he would just give me cash top up. but he started missing weeks here and there and then it just stopped completely. if I ask it causes a huge row where he makds me look like a greedy person and I feel embarrassed about it then.

I have found myself being disrespectful toward him as of lately infront of the kids asking about money etc so I do feel I need to get out before I pass my negative feelings toward him onto them

. I am ashamed to say i found his wallet as he keeps it hidden and it had literally 1000s in it so I did throw it at him and asked when he was going to share the money inside. he very calmly said he isnt as he is saving it for our rainy day!! I have 64p in the bank until I get paid on thursday and he doesn't have the slightest bit of compassion about it.

OP posts:
Another40ththread · 27/12/2019 22:27

I'm absolutely raging on your behalf. You deserve so much better and I hope you get it in 2020. Good luck lass.

TheCanyon · 27/12/2019 22:27

I too have 4dc, id rather be by myself with my mc than suffer that miserable shit. What does he bring to your/your dcs life?

IncrediblySadToo · 27/12/2019 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.