To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

Yup you are being ridiculous and you sound like incredibly hard work!!!

It's so far in advance; either move the party or stick with the date and accept your brother etc can't come.

If the party was next week and they were dropping out I'd sort of understand.

Glastonbury tickets are like rocking horse shit. Just change the date of the 50th party or accept they won't be there. Your daughter's 15th birthday party is completely missable

maddy brilliant expression, permission to borrow please?

YABVVVVVU it’s Glastonbury for gods sake not like they can rearrange it. The tickets are always like gold dust even more so for the 50th anniversary and I know because we go every year. You need to keep your nose out and stop lecturing your family about what family events they need to attend. I would miss your parents party too if I was them to go. Rearrange the party instead if it’s so important they attend

The fact they have tickets isn’t your business the fact that they are upsetting your parents is

No. It actually isn’t.

Has anyone on this thread been to a 50th? It’s not just about celebrating the couple. It’s about celebrating the legacy they have built. That means their children and grandparents glisten being in attendance is absolutely crucial. If the date has been set, choosing an alternate activity is like telling your parents that you hate them.
I have. I was a young teen. I was bored out of my tree in horrible 90s formal wear For kids. It’s not an experience I’m at all keen to repeat. I spent absolutely no time with my grandparents, because they were far too busy talking to their real adult important guests. The grandchildren were literally there for window dressing.

I think your brother is selfish and wrong to miss the family get to gether. He must have known about the date clash for ages. But it is between your parents and him.

Yabu for booking your parents’ party on the date of your niece’s birthday.....

Seriously though, family occasions are overrated and have far too much expectation attached to them. Do the brother and sister have a good relationship with their parents for instance? More to the point, the parents have been married for 50 years, but do they actually still have a good marriage?

A family member of mine (not my parents but still...) are having a 50th anniversary party next year and the expectation is very much that the whole family needs to be there. I absolutely won’t be going because it will be hell on earth. Family I wouldn’t know if I passed them in the street, everyone being bored out of their brains (they had a 25th along similar lines) and the worst of it is that although they’ve been married for 50 years they actually hate each other. This party is all for show.

So I think it’s a bit disingenuous to suggest that a 50th wedding is so much of a milestone when so many people who reach 50 years of marriage aren’t necessarily in happy relationships, but it was very much not expected that they split back then and by the time you reach a certain point it’s just not that easy.

The family may consider me selfish if they like but I don’t care. Several others I know are trying to think up reasons not to go but the expectation is that they must. Stuff that.

Totally fine to celebrate a 15th birthday the weekend before. I'd miss my own bloody wedding for 50th anniversary glasto tickets so I'd def miss a family party for it, sorry!

@SmellMySmellbow ha ha, I’d miss my own wedding for glasto too 😆

And I also think wedding anniversaries should be celebrated between the married couple alone. I never understood the concept of other people being expected to get involved.

I'd love to go to Glastonbury but family trumps a festival.

Parents won't be around for ever.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and in your shoes would feel exactly the same.

Maybe their relationship with your parents isn't the same as yours.
There may be a lot of unspoken issues you know nothing about.
My SIL would have no idea for example, of the resentments my DH silently harbours over family dynamics and favouritism.

I'll admit I've skipped from page one to the last page, but it's really poor of them to prioritise Glastonbury over a big family party they already knew about. It's selfish of them and they should have said something about the proposed date before the relatives abroad had booked flights, etc. I do agree it's not your battle though. Everyone should go ahead without them.

If they can’t be at the party why can’t they pre record a message or do a video link same for the kids
There’s always a solution & nothing is worse at a party than resentful siblings

Your brother has handled it badly, but it’s their life and non of your business really. Your reaction is totally out of proportion.
Wedding anniversary celebrations are naff and unnecessary so I’d also choose Glastonbury myself. But I’d have handled it better!

The other thing about glasto tickets is that you can’t really plan around getting them- it’s so hard & a bit like winning the lottery if you do. Maybe they thought they would give it a go and didn’t expect to actually bag the tickets!

So you have 2 options:*

Actually, there is a third option. Do nothing different, enjoy the party and remember that as adults your siblings can make their own choices. Sulking and blaming them for spoiling is incredibly immature. They will have to square it with their parents and kids. None of your business really.

Yabu id always pick Glastonbury over a family party. In fact it would be almost expected that I was a no show. I'm sure they discussed it with their dd and that part is none of your business. If it's that important they go to the party then it can be rearranged or they can celebrate with -- the dps and how The people that this as anything to do with--

Surely you should have considered that a 15 year old isn't going to want to celebrate her birthday in this way anyway and should have suggested the party happened on a different date anyway

Isn't the 15 years birthday on the Saturday and the wedding anniversary on the Sunday?

I'm really surprised so many people are saying that it's fine to miss the parents golden wedding anniversary party. I can't comprehend that they would do this to their parents and can't believe so many people are saying they would make the same choice. And I don't even come from a happy family background!

I just don't get why Glastonbury (and I'd love to go) would ever take priority over this family celebration.

Of course OP could be the golden child and that is why the DB isnt so bothered.

I'd be sad if I was their daughter and they hadn't got me a ticket if I'd wanted one. I don't get excited about my own wedding anniversary, even less other people's. I find it baffling people care to be honest.

We still don't know what OP's parents (the ones whose actual anniversary this is) think. We don't know whether they even want a big party for their anniversary. It might very well be the OP who wants to put on a big show of Look at Our Wonderful Family when actually the parents aren't that bothered, or the brother isn't on great terms with them - or the parents will enjoy the party whether or not their son is there, and are happy for him to be enjoying something with his own wife and DC..

I appreciate they wouldn’t have known they’d get tickets, but it’s not lottery winning odds!

So I think it’s a bit odd that they didn’t say “can we avoid that weekend? 4 of 6 of us are trying for Glasto” in the planning stages. Were they consulted in the planning stages?

Also odd to announce it now, not when they got the tickets.

OP I think it is quite shocking that they have booked this knowing full well it is your parents 50th. Totally selfish and I am astonished that some people think it is ok.