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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

483 replies

rosess · 27/12/2019 15:18

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 27/12/2019 18:54

At 15 I’d be far more annoyed having to spend my birthday at a family reunion celebration than if my parents had gone away

Stay out of this OP. None of it is your concern. Especially how they choose to celebrate their child’s birthday

bossyrossy · 27/12/2019 18:57

A big 50th wedding anniversary party is like a wedding, it needs planning and booking well in advance, especially as the OP says, relatives in America have already booked their flight tickets. We had a 50th party last year and I would have been heartbroken if any of my children had chosen not to come.

PepePig · 27/12/2019 19:03

Family parties are overrated, tbh. I'd much rather go to Glasto.

Mediocre food and a mediocre party vs a once in a lifetime trip to the most famous music festival in the world. I know what I'd rather have.

Their daughter's birthday is a bit of a shit one, but I'm also aware at 15 I genuinely would have preferred money to do something with my mates over seeing my parents. I'm sure they'll make a fuss of her once they're home/before they go.

So, YABU. And you sound a bit jealous/overcontroling.

LovePoppy · 27/12/2019 19:04

I’m really curious, did you choose to do a party and just assume your brother would make himself available? It’s starting to sound from the lack of communication like you invited everybody else and just assumed he would make himself turn up

JacquesHammer · 27/12/2019 19:04

To be honest when they start to spout about their “Glasto experience” (which they invariably will) I advise you to be very busy!

redcarbluecar · 27/12/2019 19:07

YANBU about the anniversary. I think that’s thoughtless of them and would be pissed off too. The daughter’s bday isn’t really your problem though.

MoonahStone · 27/12/2019 19:07

Yes what LovePoppy said, did you check with them first?

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2019 19:07

I’m surprised you expected them to attend your parents anniversary party. It would be different if it was their parents.

My parents frequently pulled this crap on my birthday. It was near a long weekend that meant they could travel while using fewer vacation days, so they thought it was no big deal to miss my birthday. I would never voluntarily miss my child’s birthday.

Everythingnotsaved · 27/12/2019 19:10

Christ- I have left my kids 4 times to go to glasto & am going again this year. It’s the one weekend of the year where I can relax & remember who I was before I had kids. My life is entirely devoted to my kids for every other day and weekend of the year. And my kids are younger than 12 & 15. Maybe the OP’s family feel the same- my 12 year old would literally hate to come as it’s so busy and has grim loos and has a nice weekend with either his nan or his Dad.
YABU - maybe they have discussed all of this with the 15 year old and asked if she minds?
Massive over- reaction to be honest- people are allowed to have a bit of fun and glasto tickets are like rocking horse shit to come by!!

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2019 19:10

Actually, I misread that as BIL and SIl and thought neither was related. Your brother is missing his parents 50th anniversary for something other than a military deployment or medical treatment? He is a jerk.

Cohle · 27/12/2019 19:10

You seem to be inserting yourself in an issue that doesn't involve you.

It's your parent's anniversary and their daughter's birthday they're missing. Why not allow the individuals whose celebrations are actually being effected decide if they are upset.

LovePoppy · 27/12/2019 19:12

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates

This really stands out to me. I’m incredibly impressed that your niece decided to tell you off. Because their plans are literally none of your business, and you must be quite high and mighty on your horse to think that they are.

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 27/12/2019 19:12

It’s her brother, same parents?

WifOfBif · 27/12/2019 19:12

It’s nothing to do with you, they clearly aren’t that bothered about attending the party and you can’t force them to be.

Not everyone gets excited about big family events, enjoy it with the people who actually want to be there.

PixieDustt · 27/12/2019 19:15

YABU.
Although I don't agree with going away when it's their childs birthday i think you are over reacting.

Maybe it's just me but I don't get the big fuss of other people celebrating someone else's anniversary I see it as so pointless. I know it's their 50th but the way I see it is they should be celebrating it as it's their day and it's OPTIONAL for people to go you can't expect people to go.
You do sound jealous though.
Good on the niece having a pop. You can beg your brother all you like it's his bloody life.
Are you always this suffocating?

nowlook · 27/12/2019 19:15

My parents went away for the weekend of my 15th birthday, leaving me and my little sister at home. That weekend is still talked about now in our circles...and not because of any lingering feelings of resentment towards mum and dad. Ah, what a weekend that was!

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 27/12/2019 19:15

I can see why you’re annoyed. I don’t agree when people say it’s ‘none of your business’, because it’s not as clear cut as all that given the circumstances, in my opinion. The fact they have tickets isn’t your business the fact that they are upsetting your parents is. No you can’t make them attend and no you can’t do anything about it other than try and enjoy the party. I wouldn’t say any more about it to be honest. They’ve made their choice, harsh though it seems.

Purpleartichoke · 27/12/2019 19:16

Has anyone on this thread been to a 50th? It’s not just about celebrating the couple. It’s about celebrating the legacy they have built. That means their children and grandparents glisten being in attendance is absolutely crucial. If the date has been set, choosing an alternate activity is like telling your parents that you hate them.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/12/2019 19:16

I would choose Glasto too and if I was in this situation my mum would be more than happy for me to miss her 50th Anniversary party to go.

Everythingnotsaved · 27/12/2019 19:16

Your brother is missing his parents 50th anniversary for something other than a military deployment or medical treatment? He is a jerk

REALLY?! Why can’t the OP just be a bit flexible and have the party on another weekend? Has it been discussed with the parents? Do they mind? Honestly seems like a massive over- reaction!

fuzzymoon · 27/12/2019 19:17

What is wrong is that your B didn't warn his mother that they may be away when she arranged the date or your mother didn't check the date with nearest and dearest before booking it.

If your B didn't mention it when your M first started thinking of dates. Yanbu

If your mum booked the date then told people the outcome is some may have other things booked and you take that risk and yabu.

PixieDustt · 27/12/2019 19:18

Has anyone on this thread been to a 50th? It’s not just about celebrating the couple. It’s about celebrating the legacy they have built. That means their children and grandparents glisten being in attendance is absolutely crucial. If the date has been set, choosing an alternate activity is like telling your parents that you hate them.

Hmm
Everythingnotsaved · 27/12/2019 19:19

🙄 Indeed @PixieDustt!! 😁

ForalltheSaints · 27/12/2019 19:19

Missing a golden wedding celebration is wrong I feel, so OP YANBU.

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 19:20

“ Has anyone on this thread been to a 50th”
Yes. But all the things you add to the list don’t mean anything to me. What legacy? I don’t know,we’re not landed gentry or anything.

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