To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

You sound flipping exhausting OP.
It's their life. They are celebrating their DDs birthday at another time and it's the parents that are upset. It's their business. Stop organising other people's lives. Breathe deep and get a grip.

I am not even faintly into Glastonbury but other festivals are my thing, and even I would choose glasto over a wedding anniversary. Having recently been to my inlaws 50th wedding anniversary, it was hell on earth for me. The in laws children had to go early for photos and as I'm with one of the children I too had to go early.
Dont get me wrong I plastered a smile on my face and made the best of it, but I didnt much like it.
Hundreds of people I didnt know, about 6 people I do know but we tolerate each other at these events.
Just as an aside this shindig was booked 4 weeks before the event, the food/catering was organised at the same time. They weren't going to bother with much more than a at home party. Then both discovered cancer diagnoses and decided to party.
So with OP having 6 months to possibly rearrange I'm sure she will cope just fine.

Reanimated OP has said her mum is upset.

Why/how are you so involved? 50th wedding anniversaries are a much bigger deal to the couple involved than anyone else. Even their own children. Can you just stay out of it and take an each to their own attitude? I'm sure a party organised so far in advance will still be fabulous! Life is too short to fall out over this pettiness.

I think they're pretty shitty to book tickets without including all of the children. How awful to be those kids and "maybe" get a ticket as an afterthought.

I'm not into festivals but would look at going to avoid a big do with my dysfunctional family. As a 15yo I would have been delighted if my parents had been absent for my birthday, though the clean up after might have been hard work😊

@Everythingnotsaved relatives from the US have already booked their flights to come over for the party on the date set. It can't be moved to a different date.

If people really believe that '50th wedding anniversary parties are shit and boring' why is there so much angst on Mumsnet about wedding invitations, whether or not children are invited etc etc . Surely an anniversary of 50 years of marriage is worth celebrating?

Has anyone read the thread? The op says the party has been planned & people are flying in from overseas, of course it's an important event. If the DB was so set on applying for Glastonbury tickets he should have made this absolutely clear before the date for the party was set.

@Ragwort, important to the parents and OP. Obviously not to the brother.

We don’t actually know that the brother was informed of the date before Christmas.

All that is said is that OP thinks it’s ridiculous that he booked over their anniversary weekend. He might not of known about a party on that weekend

@Namechanger001 they didn't include any of their kids. They just booked their own. As it happened their older grown up children booked tickets separately with friends.

saraclara I can’t imagine they’ve booked flights just for a two day stay. Seventy five year olds don’t generally work so,8th is possible to change the date.
We still don’t know what control or involvement in planning their was for anyone other than the poster. It might be the derided party is somewhat aggrieved by having a martyr party imposed.

Completely with you OP - a 50th wedding anniversary party for parents / grandparents is a huge deal. I wouldn’t miss that for anything. Glastonbury tickets are hard to get so they obviously spent some time and effort trying to get them - completely disregarding the party already arranged. Not surprised that there is some family upset at their behaviour.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go

What would begging your brother not to go actually achieve? If he did somehow agree to come to the anniversary (sounds unlikely) then his family will not want to be there anyway. What is the point?

my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

Sounds like you're more upset about this than your parents? Time to let it go and enjoy the party without them imho.

Think I’m being old here... Glasto happens every year, gold dust or no. 50th wedding anniversaries don’t. I think your family family are being selfish.
Were it my 50th wedding anniversary do and most of my family had decided to piss off to a muddy field to listen to an eighties pop band , I’d be hurt.

They sound like very selfish people but l wouldn't beg your brother not to go. They are adults. They should be able to see the upset they've caused themselves.

US have already booked their flights to come over for the party on the date set. It can't be moved to a different date.

Presumably the relatives aren’t only there for one day.

Bloody hell relatives are coming from the other side of the world, the parents are upset at one of their kids missing it, the daughter's birthday is on that weekend. They are being staggeringly selfish.

They sound awful OP no wonder you're annoyed. A 50th wedding anniversary is a huge deal, especially with relatives travelling from the US. Imagine if the parents didn't come to the child's wedding because they were going on holiday. I do think there are some people of our generation that stop bothering with their parents once they're older and less useful.

Ragwort “ If people really believe that '50th wedding anniversary parties are shit and boring' why is there so much angst on Mumsnet about wedding invitations, whether or not children are invited etc etc hmm. Surely an anniversary of 50 years of marriage is worth celebrating?”

MN isn’t one person

I hate weddings too.

Someone upthread said about weddings and anniversaries needing the two people involved, I so agree.

It seems incredibly selfish to me. If my parents had gone away for my 15th birthday I would have been so hurt, and for their DS and other family members etc to prioritize a fucking festival over his parents' Golden Wedding celebration - and with other relatives traveling halfway round the world - is totally knobbish behaviour. They must have known about this for months.

I'm not surprised OP is so upset. I expect her DPs are even more upset. My DM would be devastated - though none of us would do this to her.

As for Glastonbury - it stopped being cool once they put the fences up 40 years ago. It's more like a pop up town than anything genuinely alternative anymore. I still know people who help to run it but I can't be arsed with it. I like small funky festies.

Whilst I can understand the disappointment of them missing your parents party this is obviously important to them and you cant really controlling them. I'm sure they discussed with their daughter and at 15 I'm sure she will have said if she was upset or ok to celebrate a different day. I'd just keep out of it. Really it's up to your parents to say if they are hurt by it. Go enjoy the party.

YANBU, OP. I can see why you are annoyed. If you have voiced your opinion, it's up to them to decide whether to take it or not. There is not much else you can do. Just don't change the date of the party though. Who knows what other event they may need to go even afteryou move the date.

I think YANBU. If the party has been planned since last year then presumably they knew and may have even said they were going. They have then deliberately booked Glastonbury which to me is rude. Did they accept the anniversary party invite?

I would not book time away from my children if it meant missing their birthdays. 15 is still a child.

It’s not remotely “controlling” of the OP to feel furious about this and to want to change her brother’s mind - especially if her mum is upset about it.

I don’t think this is complicated at all. If they agreed dates to attend an important family function then they should attend. It really doesn’t matter what sort of better offer comes up in the meantime.

They’ve let you down and it’s shitty. YANBU.

YANBU. I always suspected Glastonbury was full of wankers