To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

My parents left me on my 15th birthday for a long weekend abroad. I literally didn't care, it worked out in my favour as I had a massive house party! Definitely not traumatised as some people are making out. Obviously it depends on the teenager but I would imagine it being a positive for many!

Would it be possible to have a family meal with all the relatives that have travelled from abroad on the day before Glastonbury starts so DB can meet up and celebrate with them?

Yes it is not ideal that he is missing the main event, but as a parent if there was something that DC desperately wanted to go and it clashed with a celebration I’m not sure I would want them to miss that, especially if they were usually quite family orientated.

Will the party be huge and involve friends as well as family?

As a silent revenge I would suggest hiring a professional photographer and have them make a beautiful picture of the whole family and give a large framed print of it afterwards for your parents to hang in the living room. That way your brother will be reminded lots what he missed out on.
How cringe! More likely it will make him think "thank god I went to Glasto".

Why would you want to tell your brother how much he's upset your mum. Its emotional blackmail and between your mum and your brother.

Bloody hell OP it sounds like you'll be the one ruining it in the end (and your familial relations) if you go on like this at people. it's their choice and none of your business. If the party is ruined because a couple of family members aren't attending then I can't really see what the point was in the first place, it's hardly life or death is it .

All you've done is stir it up and make it more of a thing, make it into some sort of awful dramatic betrayal and probably upset even more people, to a bigger extent than they would have! I doubt your parents would be half as upset before it was turned into a huge soap opera. YABU to tell other people what to do, or dictate that you're disappointed in them based on your opinion. it's a shame the dates clash but it is what it is. I'd apologise for being so rude and over the top- it is fine to disagree and be disappointed- anything else is not your place.

Your brother is an arse and obviously has some unresolved family issues (either with your parents or the other relatives who are visiting). He got his parents to arrange their party round his DD's availability and then turned round and said 'actually we've decided to go to a festival instead so thanks for planning everything round our child but we're not going to bother turning up'. He's trying to create a drama but you don't need to give it to him. Stay out of it. I'm sure your parents can have a frank conversation with him if they want to personally I wouldn't be available for his family bbq but I'm petty like that

It's a milestone for your parents but if they have all the rest of the family at the party including those making the trip from America it should be a happy event with or without your brother being there.

Your anger may be understandable but doesn't help your mother at all. This is between her and your brother. As for your niece's 15th birthday meh - not as big a deal at all imo.

Bloody hell of course OP is NBU. It's a 50 year wedding anniversary and the parents want a big celebration which everyone agreed to well in advance. It's not like a birthday party or a normal wedding anniversary which happens every year. I bet the parents wouldn't have considered fucking off the brother's wedding because they got a once in a lifetime holiday opportunity. I wonder if the brother has happily accepted help from the grandparents with his kids too? Expected them to attend children's birthday parties etc. The one time they ask him to attend a big event he agrees then doesn't stick to it. He's a selfish twat.

^^
This!

Like someone else said, I wouldnt bother attending his BBQ in the summer.....make sure you arrange your summer holiday over that weekend Op.

Like I said, my mum would be the first person to tell me to go to Glasto and miss her anniversary party. I know that I wouldn't want anyone at my party who really doesn't want to be there. Why would you? Would your mum really be happier OP knowing he is there just because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings?

I actually think it is selfish that people are trying to make him feel bad. No one in my family would do that.

As a silent revenge I would suggest hiring a professional photographer and have them make a beautiful picture of the whole family and give a large framed print of it afterwards for your parents to hang in the living room. That way your brother will be reminded lots what he missed out on.

This isn't revenge. He is happy to miss out on the party. A framed photo of the family is not going to make him regret going to Glasto.

Taylor Swift is also playing in Belgium, Germany, Norway, France, Denmark, Poland, Spain, Portugal and Hyde Park. People could have tried buying one of those tickets instead if it's her they wanted to see.

There are 100 stages at glasto and over 3000 acts- it’s the biggest performing arts festival in the world- that’s why people go- for the variety- it’s not like going to see an artist at a concert!

This. Some years when I have been to Glasto I have barely been at the main stages at all, let alone seen the headliners. To make any comment on Glasto based only on who has been announced is to miss the point completely.

I know this isn't the main thrust of this thread but to pretend that going to see Taylor Swift in a concert is in any way a replacement for Glasto (even in the unlikely event she is the main person you want to see there) is ludicrous.

I'd be annoyed and upset for your mum too, especially as it was originally arranged around your nieces dates.

Still it is what it is. Now concentrate on making it a special day for your parents.

@SimonJT But that's not how it works - it isn't a ballot, if you get through in the queue you can buy up to 6 tickets. Obviously there's no guarantee you will get to the front of the queue, and as you said you have to register first.

But I didn't read the OP properly, as @nettie434 says, the adult kids bought separately.

Given that your brother knew about the party in August and just decided to buy tickets and glamping anyway @rosess I'd say he's a prick and your parents have every right to be hurt.

The op would be unreasonable if he'd already got the tickets or if he mentioned the clash at the time. But he hadn't and didn't.

So they didn't tell you they had got the tickets, which would have been months ago and maybe even before the party was arranged. That suggests they don't want to come, and presenting you with this information late and as a fait accompli is their way of making sure the party won't be rearranged.

And they may have their own reasons for that, tbf.

Re Taylor, I think that’s my bad because I got excited about it and another poster seems to think it’s the most important thing which it isn’t —unless you’re me—

Re the dates and knowing, I guess it’s possible that with competing dates and others to accommodate, he didn’t want to say “I’m trying to go to Glastonbury” and/or he is pleased to have an excuse to get out of it.

Glastonbury Festival comes above ALL THINGS.

Clearly your brother is a selfish twat.

The nieces 15th birthday might be a bit different.
Most teenagers are happy once they receive the money/gifts.

But to miss the 50th is very selfish.
Probably has form for this.

If it relieves your stress, don't hesitate to shame him to the rest of the family for the next 6 months 😁

God I hope it pisses down the whole time they are there and they eat an under cooked burger and spend far more time than is acceptable in the portaloo.

They applied for tickets after joining in the plans for the party, knowing it had been arranged around when their family was available, not mentioning they would prefer to avoid that weekend because they might have plans.

When were the flights from the us booked? Had they been confirmed before the tickets applied for? Could they have warned they might not be available that weekend?

I'd focus on the 15 year old. Lots of treats. Day out, big gifts. As a family, make sure the rest of you spoil her rotten.

It will seem favouritism they are going away over her birthday with the older siblings without her. At 15 that will hurt.

Your parents can get over that their son has behaved badly, but 15 is a tricky age. I'd focus energy on how as wider family you will help pick up the pieces so she feels like shes not just been dumped by her family on her birthday.

That's the sort of thing that sticks with you.

What I find interesting is that Glastonbury seems to attract lots of selfish people from the posters on this thread saying they'd put it above all else But they also seem to be the ones who think tickets are like gold-dust (marketing person's dream).

I didn't realise how unusual I was that everyone I know who wants to go to Glastonbury has been able to get tickets. They don't act like it's the second coming and they'd prioritise a family party that they'd asked to be held on those dates.

One thing that’s very unclear to me is whether the brother was consulted about the date in advance or just expected to attend?

The replies on this about the 15 year olds birthday are ridiculous. It will be celebrate the weekend before, if they can get her a ticket they will. She’s unlikely to turn a hair.

I didn't realise how unusual I was that everyone I know who wants to go to Glastonbury has been able to get tickets. They don't act like it's the second coming and they'd prioritise a family party that they'd asked to be held on those dates.

Same - I know people who have gone almost every year for decades, not millionaires either so can't be that damn hard. They'd still prioritise an important family event over going to the festival.

I do think there are certain people who think, even as adults, that they should get all the benefits of family life without putting in any of the effort. Yes sometimes you'll have to do things you'd rather not do to make other people happy but that's life.

What I find interesting is that Glastonbury seems to attract lots of selfish people from the posters on this thread saying they'd put it above all else grin But they also seem to be the ones who think tickets are like gold-dust (marketing person's dream).

^^
I’ve been thinking the same 🤔

Cross post on the consultation but ido t think it deserves this much angst. He’ll still see the relatives

Read the OPs update ffs.

Oops, x posted on consultation. Ignore me.

He should have said in August that he might be unavailable for the planned dates.