To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

YABU when you say you’re going to go to your brother and attempt to interfere with his family’s plans. That’s just awful in-law behaviour if you’re his wife.

YANBU to feel annoyed that they have made plans on top of a big celebration... but you’ll have to get over it unfortunately, they’re free to do as they like and Glastonbury’s 50th is a big deal too.

Drop it about the birthday - none of your business, but nice you care about your niece.

I hope you work it out!

Do people really throw big parties for other people’s wedding anniversaries

Not in my experience either. Our 40th coming up. Doubt our daughters even register it. We've got a nice holiday booked though, just the 2 of us.

Erm doesn't Glastonbury happen every year?(or almost)

Seems a bit mean to miss a 50th anniversary (the daughters 15th not such a big deal)

On a personal note I went to Glastonbury once when I was 22, great time etc etc. but it wasn't the even of my life, seems a bit sad for someone in their 40s/50s to be do desparate to go.

Glastonbury tickets are like gold dust, it's the 50th anniversary & on their bucket list. So obviously something very special to them.

Their daughters 15th birthday is none of your business.

So unless they haven't seen your parents in 20 years and they are flying in from Australia to see their family for the last time before they die. Then YABU. I am sure they can congratulate them on their anniversary when Glastonbury finishes.

Glasto happens every year, gold dust or no.

Technically it doesn’t - they take a year off every 5 years or so to give the land the chance to recover. As 2020 will be the 50th festival, demand for tickets will have been even higher than normal.

What we don’t know is whether the OP’s brother accepted the invitation and then bought tickets or didn’t know the date of the party until after he had bought tickets. Tickets went on sale in October (I only know as the son of some friends is going) so it is odd only to mention it now.

I do agree with the posters who say it would be best to keep out of it and focus on having a wonderful party.

Sorry but it's so hard to get Glastonbury tickets...

Crikey, I can’t think of anything less appealing than an anniversary party. I can honestly say that none of my 5 children even know when our anniversary is... I don’t think DH does either. Actually, I may have to look it up myself. I do know that it was 30 years last year though. No one gave a shit, least of all me. I hate all this unnecessary “milestone” crap.

I feel sorry for the DD if she’s upset about her birthday. If she’s not, it’s fine.
And really... Glastonbury or crappy party with the oldies? No brainer really.

Personally I would never arrange something else at a time when I’d already planned to be at a special party for my parents so I can’t understand your brother going ahead and trying to get tickets knowing he was already busy that weekend . It’s out of order as would be hurtful for the parents. But I would stay out of it, OP, it will tell your parents all they need to know about where his priorities lie.

It’s clear from the thread though that others don’t think like that and think their own wants come above their parents’ special celebrations, which clearly are special to them if people are flying over from the US.

Glad Cornettoninja posted.

My 16th birthday was spent at my grandparents for a late Christmas meet up and they'd forgotten it was my birthday and my parents didn't say anything so I just pretended it wasn't.

It was miserable. I cried in the car afterwards and I still remember it now and I'm in my 40s. Being left behind on a 15th birthday could be far worse.

YABU. Their daughters birthday is nothing to do with you.

And the date of the party can quite easily be moved; the family coming from America aren’t coming for just a day.

No one's flying in from America for one day. How long are they coming for?

Easy to say 'move the party', but a venue and caterers may have been booked and deposits paid; accommodation as well as flights too, and none of this comes cheap.

Gasp, it's Glasto's 50th - so 'special'. Don't you think that managing 50 years of marriage is special; a once in a life time event, and that just like Glastonbury, the date cannot be moved, as it happened on x day 50 years ago, and they might like to celebrate on or as near as close to the date as possible?

I suspect the brother is the golden child, and that the OP is the one who does all the family grunt work for her elderly parents, whilst her brother swans in and out to plaudits for actually showing his face once in a while. I also suspect she thinks the party will be about his absence, as opposed to celebrating the anniversary. There are usually some undertones at such parties (my eyes were certainly opened at the one for my ils), and they aren't always pleasant.

Missing daughters birthday is a bit off but parents anniversary? I personally don't get celebrating those, it's not a big deal for those around you just the two who are married, maybe that's how your siblings feel.

It’s not remotely “controlling” of the OP to feel furious about this and to want to change her brother’s mind - especially if her mum is upset about it.

...what do you call wanting to change someone’s(an adults) mind because Their mum is upset?

I call it controlling and interfering with a side of busybody.

Mum is presumably an adult who should speak for herself

I don't think 15th birthday is an adequate reason to miss Glastonbury.

I'd move the wedding anniversary if I were you. It's not worth carrying the bitterness.

I particularly enjoyed they post about how the children's relationship with their parents would be irreparably damaged by the parents daring to go to Glastonbury. Can you imagine the therapy session - getting to the root of how your parents went to, gasp, a well known music festival...

Give me a bloody break.

Get a grip all of you who don't seem to think adults can choose to go away for a few days without their children. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Easy to say 'move the party', but a venue and caterers may have been booked and deposits paid; accommodation as well as flights too, and none of this comes cheap
The OP states they are hosting this party. That means it's at their house,
The relatives flying in will not be coming for just a day, this party can easily be moved a day or more. No one will be out of pocket. Caterers if indeed there are any can also be moved.

I'm close to your parents ages, and I can't get excited about things like wedding anniversaries. Are you sure that your parents feel all that strongly about it ? If it was me I'd have preferred a ticket to Glastonbury than an anniversary party, but that's just me.

Why don't you back off a bit and stop saying they've " ruined the party" ? They really haven't. Just have the party and ignore the absentees.

I also think massively guilt tripping people is a recipe for a family row etc. Why not suggest that your brother takes your parents out for a meal to mark the occasion before he goes to glastonbury and then send him off to the festival with good wishes for a great time? Instead of making him feel bad.....

“ could ALMOST understand forgetting your DPs part, but his own DDs birthday? He'd just take the rest of his family and leave her behind... on her birthday?

That shit stay with a kid, especially a teen, forever!“

Who even remembers what they did for their 15th birthday

I'm surprised by the number of people who think the festival trumps such a big family event with relatives flying in from America. To me they should try to get Glastonbury tickets for next year, not this year, due to family event. Priorities!

Very selfish of your brother. I would feel the same. I think Golden Wedding celebrations are wonderful - especially for your own parents. Mine celebrated 50 years this year. I don't think there's much more you can do, OP. Your brother clearly knows how you feel, but is unwilling to forego Glastonbury.

To all those who say move the party as the American family won’t just be coming for the day, Glastonbury weekend is typically Wednesday to Monday (perhaps longer, it’s been a while since I went) so assuming that the family’s visit doesn’t include another weekend, it might be the case that a midweek evening party is not all that convenient for other friends and family. Brother is selfish if party was booked first and he knows that his parents would want him there.

My parents went away for the weekend of my 15th birthday, leaving me and my little sister at home. That weekend is still talked about now in our circles...and not because of any lingering feelings of resentment towards mum and dad. Ah, what a weekend that was!

Ha, sounds like we had similar teenage years.

This party, we have no idea of your family dynamics OP. It could well be your brother and his partner loathe big family get togethers. Or don't have a good relationship with your parents. Or particularly don't want to spend time with the US branch of the family. Don't want to be there just to be window dressing to show what a marvelous family you are.

Their non attendance is entirely down to them, and to make up to your parents if they are upset. The abscence of your brother and his partner surely won't ruin a big affair.

The issue over the daughter's birthday doesn't sound good but again, we don't know what family arrangements they have come to between themselves.

I'd suggest you just get on with the organising and let them sort out their lives.

No OP ?

Prepares for Daily Wail article.