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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 27/12/2019 16:33

Would you over-reation have been different had it been a little male child harassing your daughter? I'm entirely with your daughter on this, the brat needed teaching a lesson and she got one.

LagunaBubbles · 27/12/2019 16:33

She could have broken her nose or anything though

You seem more concerned about the other girl, who despite repeadetly being told to stop looking at your daughter didnt stop.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 16:33

eveshopper What thread are you on? I don’t think it’s this one because no one has said a six year old is comparable to an adult.. and of course no adult would kick a six year old in the face if I’m the same situation but we aren’t talking about two adults here, to two kids.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:33

That's my point. Imagine your daughter without your parental input. Imagine her if you just left her to do whatever she liked and then were pleased if she suffered for it. Imagine if you didn't parent her. The fault here for the child's behaviour lies firmly with her parent.

It is not my child's job to rationalise the poor parenting of others. They just have to deal with the behaviour in front of them.

If somebody is threatening them. They don't have to think 'well maybe they're having a bad day'
They need to think of how to protect themselves first.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:34

No 6 year old of mine has ever behaved like this whether I'm there or not.

Presumably because you parent your children. The parent of this 6 year old obviously doesn't. That's the difference. A 6 year old who has no parental input and is left to run about in shops is going to push for attention. It's what children do. It comes across as terrible behaviour because any attention is better then no attention. Except maybe a kick in the face.

Spacebowlisback · 27/12/2019 16:35

To be fair, it’s not the worse message in the world to send the young girl either. Hopefully she’ll be more protective of her own privacy as she gets older. Clearly no-one’s teaching her the sanctity or bodily privacy right now.

windycuntryside · 27/12/2019 16:36

I would let it go. You tried to sort the situation, it didn’t work . Your dd sorted it. Leave it ,

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:36

It is not my child's job to rationalise the poor parenting of others. They just have to deal with the behaviour in front of them.

Of course, however OP was there so should have done a better job, as I'm sure you would have.

If somebody is threatening them. They don't have to think 'well maybe they're having a bad day'

No but they do need to consider the danger before reacting.

They need to think of how to protect themselves first.

The kid was not in danger that required a violent response.

HaileySherman · 27/12/2019 16:37

I understand your reaction, as I joke but in reality I have no stomach at all for violence. That being said, the girl continued invading your DD's privacy after several warnings to stop. She kind of got what she deserved. In this instance, I'd just let it go. Your daughter didn't immediately start kicking the girl or anything.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:38

OP was shit all around.
Of course. But the 10 year old was in no danger. So the kick had zero comeback on her but resolved her problem completely.

I disagree. She was half dressed and felt violated. That can feel threatening. So I believe her response was right.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 16:40

I'd have done something similar if someone had done that to me, but I'm autistic and can only take so much shit. It's embarrassing for a 10yo to be watched when they're getting changed.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 16:41

It is not my child's job to rationalise the poor parenting of others. They just have to deal with the behaviour in front of them.

If somebody is threatening them. They don't have to think 'well maybe they're having a bad day'
They need to think of how to protect themselves first.

This is such a good point.

And it's still possible to defend yourself but also empathise and understand that the person you perceive to be a threat at that moment, might be having an off day etc. But at the moment in question, the sensible thing is to defend yourself as a priority.

Maybe not a kick in the face. I'd still stress that there were other options which have less potential to cause serious pain or injury.

Butchyrestingface · 27/12/2019 16:41

You don't understand the difference in emotional development between a duly grown man and a SIX year old confused

Apparently you don’t understand the difference in emotional development between a 10 year and an adult.

StartingAgainID · 27/12/2019 16:43

Your daughter asked the kid to stop. The kid persisted. Your daughter acted out. Honestly - I don't see what else she could have done. If she's under testing for AS then it might not have occurred to her to ask for help. She may have a very fixed sense of right and wrong, hence the no remorse. I'd leave it and maybe suggest other options for getting help in that same situation in the future, but honestly - as a parent with an autistic child, I applaud your daughter for keeping it together and not kicking her in the face from the get go. Don't dwell.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 16:44

The kid was not in danger that required a violent response.

That's easy for you to say as an adult, in the comfort of your own home full of both sides consideration and reasonableness .

That's not how the fight,flight or freeze response works , especially for a child that might have difficulties with these responses to begin with.

No she wasn't in any danger but you don't get to decide and judge her by how she should've felt and rationalised the situation.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 27/12/2019 16:45

Well done that mum I say. These things normally end with the parent denying that their little princess would ever do anything remotely naughty like looking under a change room door and then take to social media and possibly the sun or the mail.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:47

Again. This mother had no idea where her 6 year old child was in a busy shopping centre.

The woman is lucky she's not sat on TV doing a plea for her daughters safe return. Some people really shouldn't be parents.

YappityYapYap · 27/12/2019 16:48

To be fair, your daughter gave her plenty of chances to stop but she wouldn't. Now the 6 year old has learnt a lesson on boundaries and your DD has learnt that she can defend herself. If she kicked her the first time, that would be wrong but how many times does she need to say stop before someone does? Three strikes and you're out and that is what she did

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:49

Now the 6 year old has learnt a lesson on boundaries and your DD has learnt that she can defend herself. If she kicked her the first time, that would be wrong but how many times does she need to say stop before someone does? Three strikes and you're out and that is what she did

No, it is never okay to assault a six year old child. I can’t believe anyone has to tell anyone else this.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:50

@churchandstate agree to disagree

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:52

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

With what?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:53

No, it is never okay to assault a six year old child

I think the OPs daughter was right.
There are clearly two groups of believers on this thread.

It'll keep going around in circles. So I guess the bottom line is agree to disagree.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:54

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

No, I’m happy to keep disagreeing. It’s actually against the law, you see.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:55

Apparently you don’t understand the difference in emotional development between a 10 year and an adult.

Of course i do. Like I said I wasn't comparing adults with children.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:55

It would be against the law if the OP kicked the child.

Child on child isn't.