Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 16:56

No, it is never okay to assault a six year old child. I can’t believe anyone has to tell anyone else this.

That doesn't mean that if someone does in a situation like this they are necessarily wrong,bad,lacking empathy or in need of anger management either.

YappityYapYap · 27/12/2019 16:56

I'm pretty sure the 6 year old has learnt a lesson here that you don't tell adults to shut up and keep doing something to the point you've got someone squirming. The OP's DD kept saying for her to stop it and she wouldn't.

A similar situation happened to me when I was 12. A younger girl than me by a few years kept chucking stones off me on the way down a hill and I turned around about 3 times and said 'stop it'. She wouldn't stop it and kept laughing so I punched her in the face and walked off. As far as I know, she stopped being a little shit and annoying and making others uncomfortable. No you shouldn't deal with things by violence but some people just won't take no for an answer and they, to me, are the one's to watch, not the one's defending themselves

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:56

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

The age of criminal responsibility is ten.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 16:56

I think the age of criminal responsibility is 10, so technically a 10yo could assault a 6yo.

But I don't see this one making it to court, do you?

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:57

PanicAndRun

It does mean they’re wrong if it’s never okay.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:58

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz

No, but if the child had been injured it could be a very different story. It’s not okay.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:58

OK. So first the other parent would have to report the child.

Then I'd reply with a report to SS over child negligence.

There won't be any CCTV so one child's word against an adult. Unlikely to be picked up by the CPS.

However. Child obviously left roaming around the shopping centre with negligent parent would probably get a bit more notice.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 16:58

If an adult is allowed to defend themselves using force when they repeatedly been ignored, I’m not going to sit here and say a kid can’t react that way towards another kid, especially when an adult is right fucking there and ignoring their own child when she needs help.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 16:59

A similar situation happened to me when I was 12. A younger girl than me by a few years kept chucking stones off me on the way down a hill and I turned around about 3 times and said 'stop it'. She wouldn't stop it and kept laughing so I punched her in the face and walked off

Not really something to boast about.

lilgreen · 27/12/2019 17:01

I’d be concerned if my DD behaved like your DD did. Yes she was absolutely provoked but at age 10 she should know that kicking a small child I the face is not normal behaviour. YANBU.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:01

Aaarrgghhh

They’re not. An adult in this scenario would be expected to report the voyeur to the police, but otherwise it wouldn’t be taken as “self-defence” unless they were actually under attack.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:02

churchandstate I disagree, sometimes physically defending yourself is warranted. This is one of those times. Maybe directed your anger at the mother who stood by and did nothing to help the ten year old?

lisag1969 · 27/12/2019 17:02

Well the child was asked to go away on numerous occasions. She's obviously naughty and rude, they way she behaved. I agree with her mother maybe it will teach her a lesson and she will think twice.
Your poor daughter doesn't want strangers seeing her undress.

LittleReindeer · 27/12/2019 17:02

One kid kicks another kid for being a little shit. I don’t see the problem? Kids fight 🤷‍♀️

lilgreen · 27/12/2019 17:04

Shocked at the replies on here telling you your DD’s reaction was normal. It absolutely isn’t. I couldn’t kick anyone or anything in the face unless I was being attacked. So aggressive and so unnecessary.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:04

Oh, so someone not listening and looking at your naked body while another adult stand by ignoring what’s happening, is not reason enough to make them leave even if that means hurting them physically? Wow, okay then. So what do you suggest be done? Carry on trying on clothes while there is a peeping tom? Run away through walls..

YappityYapYap · 27/12/2019 17:05

What defending myself? Yes it is. The world is going mad and now it's wrong to defend yourself? Give over. No one, child or adult should have to endure the annoyance and total boundary pushing of anyone else and can use whatever force necessary to make it stop. No one should have to put up with anyone invading their privacy and ignoring repeated requests to stop. What happened to me was bullying and I stuck up for myself. I am proud of it and couldn't give a fig what you think ChurchAndState

itsgettingweird · 27/12/2019 17:05

Church no one is saying it's ok for a 10yo to physically assault a 6yo.

What they are saying is a 10yo child reacted physically to a 6yo child who repeatedly assaulted her (this would count as common assault at least) despite being requested to stop.

Reacting is different from initiating.

A few weeks ago a lad was physically picking on ds at school because ds accidentally tripped his mate up tackling him at football.
Eventually when he grabbed ds arms he threw him to the floor and the lads fingers got broken.
The HT response was "well don't pick a fight unless you know you can win and your broken fingers save me coming up with a punishment!".

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:05

Aaarrgghhh

I’ve already made several suggestions about what the DD could have done, short of kicking a six year old in the face.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 17:05

No, but if the child had been injured it could be a very different story. It’s not okay.

Ah hello again @churchandstate !

Yes, I've been saying all along that it wasn't the right response and I would definitely tell my dd that. But at the same time, I totally understand why she did it and wouldn't have any serious worries about her being violent in general. It was a slightly disproportionate response to being trapped and looked at while she was getting changed and feeling vulnerable, which I completely understand. As I've said though, if I were the op I would stress to the dd that there was the potential here for serious injury and that there were better options she could have taken.

Fishcakey · 27/12/2019 17:06

I think your daughter had a point. The younger girl sounded vile. I think most kids of your daughters age would have done the same.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:06

itsgettingweird

Some people are saying exactly that.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 17:06

The 6yo cannot assault the 10yo I don't think as 10 is the legal age of criminal responsibility. So not common assault.

lilgreen · 27/12/2019 17:07

Kicking a child in the face is NOT ok especially when it’s a 10 yr old to a reception she child. If this happened at school there’d be very different replies.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 27/12/2019 17:07

Sounds like she had it coming.
And her own mother seems to know what she's like.
Nasty, rude, ignorant little shit.
She won't do it again in a hurry.