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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:13

No. An adult wouldn't need to kick a child. Because the adult would be able to take charge of a situation. A 10 year old can't.

Look. Nobody here is going to change my mind on this. So it's best to raise your kids with the knowledge that if they go sticking their face under a changing cubicle they risk getting hurt.

The same with hitting. Some people raise their kids not to hit back and to walk away.
Some people put their kids into martial arts and tell them to hit back.

Best to raise all kids with the knowledge that they can't control other people's behaviour. And it's best not to do the wrong thing in the first place.

flounderfish · 27/12/2019 16:15

I agree with @MrsPMT- it isn't appropriate to kick someone else and she needs to hear this. I'm shocked at the responses from people saying they would also have wanted to kick the 6 year old Confused

Your dd does need to hear alternative and appropriate ways to manage situations in which someone does something rude/annoying, such as the strategies described by MrsPMT. Kicking someone in other scenarios (e.g. at school) would likely have had negative consequences for your dd.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:16

It's not comparable. I didn't say acceptable. You can not compare the emotional maturity of an adult woman to that of a six year old.

I'd rather to the kind of person who would kick another for spying on me and provoking me, than the type of person who goes around sticking their heads under changing room curtains. 🤷‍♀️

Again, she was six. She had no boundaries or parental input and clearly is not to blame for acting like a six year old would in those circumstances. No six year old deserves to be kicked in the face.

The fact that you think you can compare a six year old to an adult and that you think it's a case of being one or the other just shows a lack of maturity on your part as well.

This isn't a 'would you rather' game.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/12/2019 16:16

But the other child was 10. Only 10.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:17

No. It's a right or wrong game.

And some believe that the OPs DD was right.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/12/2019 16:18

No one is trying to compare an adult to a 6 year old. But people have said they would also do the same, as would I. So if grown adults can defend themselves, children also can. I think the 10 year old's reaction was completely understandable given they were backed into a corner with no one stepping in to help.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 16:19

They were both in the wrong.

I would definitely tell my child it is not ok to kick someone in the face because they have not done what was asked of them. You were there so she was not in any danger from the 6 year old.

The other parent should teach her child not to look under doors, when people are getting changed.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:20

No one is trying to compare an adult to a 6 year old.

But people have said they would also do the same, as would I. So if grown adults can defend themselves, children also can.

But the child was six. The child didn't have the level of emotional development that the adult in the made up scenario would have. Can you not see the difference?

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:21

No. It's a right or wrong game.

Wow. A game.

Sad

Poor kids.

happycamper11 · 27/12/2019 16:22

Again, she was six. She had no boundaries or parental input and clearly is not to blame for acting like a six year old would in those circumstances. No six year old deserves to be kicked in the face.

My 6 year old can be challenging but there's absolutely no way she'd behave like this. It's not regular behaviour. Of course she didn't deserve to be kicked in the face but the 10'year olds reaction was an impulse. Presumably half dressed in a changing room she didn't even have shoes on

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 16:22

@eveshopper you're the one who used game first.

It's a matter of was the daughters actions right or wrong.

I believe she was right.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:23

I used the word 'game' and said it is not a game. Ow can you take from that I called it a game first?

Are you also 10?

2020BetterBeBetter · 27/12/2019 16:23

A six year old would know better.

I would also say that whilst it’s not right, a ten year old can control how hard they kick so the fact nothing was broken or injured says it’s was a final warning kick after multiple verbal ones.

If my child was the six year old I would be apologetic too in case my badly behaved child had caused the ten year old to get into trouble.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 16:24

flounderfish

Sorry, please enlighten me as to how else to deal with the exact situation in the op? She was trapped, nowhere to go and the adult who is meant to care for her stood by and did nothing. What was a child supposed to do when uncomfortable and her privacy violated?

Nonnymum · 27/12/2019 16:25

You sound like a lovely person to me and yes the girl was wrong to keep looking in the cubicle but your daughter was wrong to react as she did. It sounds as though she needs help in managing her anger and dealing with difficult situations. If she thinks it's OK to lash out when she is angry she could get into serious trouble another time.
The 6 year old sounds as though she also has additional needs and I do t think her mother handled it well at all.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 16:25

She shouldn't have kicked her, but she was half dressed and probably felt vulnerable. If it was my dd who did that and got kicked, I'd also have said "shouldn't have done that then". I would have a word to say it isn't an appropriate way to respond to that, but I wouldn't be overly concerned. I can 100% see why your 10yo did that. She's 10.

As an adult, no it would be wholly wrong to kick a small child in the face. Can't believe I just typed that sentence. Of course it would be wrong.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:26

My 6 year old can be challenging but there's absolutely no way she'd behave like this. It's not regular behaviour.

That's my point. Imagine your daughter without your parental input. Imagine her if you just left her to do whatever she liked and then were pleased if she suffered for it. Imagine if you didn't parent her. The fault here for the child's behaviour lies firmly with her parent.

Both the children behaved badly, I said that on my very first post, I am just sickened by the amount of people who have zero understanding of child development, despite being parents, and think a 6 year old deserved it.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/12/2019 16:26

Yeah, I'm not engaging with someone who is determined to be contrary.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 16:28

And the other child is 10 and you can't compare their emotional maturity or level of reasoning to a grown ass woman.

What is mildly annoying to you as a grownup and all the reason why you shouldn't lash out or kick, why the other person is younger and it's wrong won't seem that way to a 10 yo.

Especially a 10 yo with difficulties that is trapped in a cubicle,possibly naked/in a vulnerable situation/position , with no escape and an ineffectual parent outside.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 16:28

Nonnymum What on earth do you mean she needs help in managing her anger? There would have Brennan no anger and no kick if her MUM had actually done something to stop the six year old. The ten year old has the least blame in the whole damn scenario.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 16:29

Been not Brennan.

QueenAnneBoleyn · 27/12/2019 16:29

I’d leave it. Your DD gave the other child enough warnings.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/12/2019 16:29

No 6 year old of mine has ever behaved like this whether I'm there or not.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 16:31

If she thinks it's OK to lash out when she is angry she could get into serious trouble another time.

Just like a 6yo that is left unsupervised, has no respect or consideration for others and invades other people's privacy.

A 10yo lashing out when threatened will also probably be in less trouble than a 6yo with skewed boundaries.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 16:31

And the other child is 10 and you can't compare their emotional maturity or level of reasoning to a grown ass woman.

If you are talking to me I never have. I have been saying the situation is not comparable all along. I used the younger child as my example simply because I thought it would be easier understood for the people who think it is comparable. If they can't see a six year old doesn't compare to an adult they are unlikely to see a 10 year old does.

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