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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:39

and I would be the one in trouble for physically removing a child that wasnt mine by force, which im sure some people would have issue with too.

In this situation you should not be considering using force against the other child, but covering your own child or removing the child’s ability to see under the door, and addressing the matter with the parent. There was simply no need for force.

Branleuse · 28/12/2019 12:41

Not sure how quickly people expect a 10 year old autie girl to 1. Establish age, 2. Establish gender, 3, establish no camera, 4, establish whether bad intentions or just being silly.

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 12:41

But the reason for posting was 'this is a more accurate analogy, would your feel the same way in this instance' (my sentence, not a quote'. So the context is a fairly important part of the meaning.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:41

Branleuse

I don’t. I expect them not to respond with violence unless absolutely necessary. She could simply have covered up.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:42

BlueMoonRising

Sigh. It may have been important to what Merry wanted to say. That doesn’t mean I can’t respond to Merry based on what Merry actually said, without that context. It was very clear what she meant.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:43

Clearly not as you didn't get it at all.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:44

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

In what respect ‘didn’t I get it’? Hmm

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 12:45

Well you clearly find it difficult to understand the difference between 'is more like this than that' and 'this is an exactly perfect analogy that sums up the situation nicely'.

Fuzzybumblebee · 28/12/2019 12:47

Yes the little girl could of go hurt but clearly she didnt listen or respect others privacy, what if an adult was doing the same to you're daughter I hope she would have the guts to kick them

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:49

BlueMoonRising

What I said in response to that is that there is nothing sensible about the comparison Merry made. And there isn’t, in my opinion. Why do you have such an issue?

Clappingforjoy · 28/12/2019 12:51

Good on your DD lol

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 12:54

Lol, you think I have an issue? You need to look at how many posts I have made on this thread compared to you! That's funny as.

There are similarities between Merry's analogy that don't exist in the cinema one. I can't help it if you refuse to admit that.

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 13:07

I am still waiting to hear what the 10 year old should have done instead.
Those saying even if she has additional needs she was still wrong clearly don't have any understanding of autism. Since you don't understand you shouldn't comment.

kingkuta · 28/12/2019 13:11

Entirely your own fault OP to let this situation get so out of control that your 10yr old dd had to resort to force to get rid of that annoying child. The kid was 6 FFS you should have immediately stopped her from looking under the changing room door. And yet you let this go on and on and on knowing how agitated your dd was getting. Ridiculous.

lilgreen · 28/12/2019 13:11

She is not autistic, she’s being investigated for behaviour problems. OP should have physically stopped the little girl by standing in front of the door. If that wasn’t possible then the 10 yr old should have called to her mum or dressed and opened the door . NEVER acceptable to kick someone’s face unless you are being physically attacked. Just because she has issues doesn’t mean you lower your standards.

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 13:12

Oh you missed that bit Rosebel, I nearly did too.

She should have got dressed.

I don't know how long she was supposed to wait in the changing room with two ineffectual parents doing sod all, but apparantly that's the fix.

WaterSheep · 28/12/2019 13:16

then the 10 yr old should have called to her mum

How would this have helped?

The OP was right there, as she heard the daughters repeated requests for the 6 year old to stop, and saw that the girl was looking under the door.

FizzyIce · 28/12/2019 13:18

The little girl was a rat .
What would you have rather happened? The mum have a go at you in front of the whole shop?
I’d have said the same if my dd was being like that although she never would !

mencken · 28/12/2019 13:20

life lesson for the six year old - although people shouldn't hit, if you continue to be annoying you are quite likely to get thumped.

six year old's parent should have kept it under control.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 13:29

What would you have rather happened? The mum have a go at you in front of the whole shop? Hardly. I would notify the DM too for a few reasons other than wanting to have a go in a department store. This thread is crazy and embellished from the OP's DD side, the child was kicked because she was annoying, not an aggressor or a peeping Tom, or brat, rat and any of the other insults on the thread.
This thread is mnet at it's lowest

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 13:31

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”
I'd be extremely disappointed in my 10 yo ASD DD.

Equanimitas · 28/12/2019 13:37

I don't really understand what you were doing, OP. Surely by at least the second time the other child looked under the door you could have gone to stand in front of it to stop her?

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 14:02

So for all those who think it's fine for the 6 year old to behave that way I assume your kids do this and you think it's fine? I assume you have a 10 year old who is being investigated for behaviour problems but can still reason like an adult? There is no other reason you'd blame the 10 year old.
By the way my standards are not lower for my autistic daughter, they are linked to her understanding. As I said you clearly don't understand autism.

Branleuse · 28/12/2019 14:06

@rosebel exactly.

WarrenNicole · 28/12/2019 14:10

No one has said that the 6 year olds behaviour was okay. It wasn’t.

Still doesn’t justify her being kicked in the face though.

I agree with Emeraldshamrock, this thread is Mumsnet at its lowest.