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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:01

So you agree that there are situations where someone can use physical violence to protect themselves.

What was this 10 year old child supposed to do then? Remembering. That she is in fact 10 and doesn't have the same cognitive development as an adult.

itsgettingweird · 28/12/2019 12:02

The 6yo knew what she was doing was wrong. She was told it was wrong by an adult.
She felt it appropriate to react with rudeness and continue the behaviour.

Eventually the other child reacted physically as she felt assaulted.

And it wouldn't likely make it last the CPS because there are 2 crimes here. It wouldn't be in public interests to persecute.
But actually they would feel it more appropriate to pursue a case against someone perving deliberately and intentionally knowing the harm they are causing than a person who reacted in fear to having their privacy violated.

The only thing in this case in the fact the perpetrator is 6yo. If it was 2 teen girls the outcome and consequences could have been different.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:02

So you agree that there are situations where someone can use physical violence to protect themselves.

Of course I do. In line with the law. She wasn’t being attacked here and her use of force was completely disproportionate, so in this case I would be correcting her.

Thelnebriati · 28/12/2019 12:03

OP's DS has learned that no adults will intervene to protect her so she has to do it for herself. The bully who repeatedly stuck her face under the door has learned that there are consequenses. No bones were broken.
I feel sorry for the OP's DD, because this was my entire childhood and this is why I kicked my brother in the nads. I don't regret it at all, he was as obnoxious as the bully in the OP.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:03

And it wouldn't likely make it last the CPS because there are 2 crimes here. It wouldn't be in public interests to persecute.

6 year olds can’t commit crimes.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:04

Just because the child is underage doesn't mean the 10 year old wasn't a victim of the incident.

Branleuse · 28/12/2019 12:05

BECAUSE SHES TEN AND HAS (strongly suspected) AUTISM ffs.
Omg, give me strength

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:05

Just because the child is underage doesn't mean the 10 year old wasn't a victim of the incident.

I didn’t say the 6 year old did nothing wrong. She was naughty. The 10 year old’s reaction was ridiculous.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:06

Branleuse

If the reason she reacted this way is related to her (suspected) condition, it’s still wrong and still needs correcting.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:06

That's your opinion. I think the 10 year old was right in her actions.

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 12:06

I didn’t say the cinema comparison was good. I said the nightclub analogy was silly

And implied, that the cinema analogy was better. As the second analogy was used as a more accurate analogy than the cinema one (which, alright not perfect, it is more accurate, for example bin the cinema one the parent took charge, and the person was free to leave without being trapped in a locked cubicle), and you failed to point out any flaws in the cinema one.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:07

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

And I think you sound daft. 🤷🏻‍♀️

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 28/12/2019 12:09

That's pretty rude.

Tessabelle74 · 28/12/2019 12:10

Would you feel differently had it been a teenage boy with his head under the door? Your daughter had warned her several times, she was probably half naked and in my opinion was more patient than I'd have been. Why on earth are you not more understanding of your own child's feelings?

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:10

BlueMoonRising

I implied nothing of the sort. Haven’t even read the cinema comment.

Branleuse · 28/12/2019 12:10

By law, according to disability discrimination laws, differention and flexibility would have to be shown.
A ten year old protecting themselves would never ever be held criminally responsible in this case.
Age of criminal responsibility was brought down by a hefty amount to deal with the bulger murder case in england. This does not mean that small children are expected to react in self dfence as maturely as adults.

LemonPrism · 28/12/2019 12:10

I mean if a person was repeatedly trying. To look at me in the fitting room despite multiple warnings and polite requests I'd probably boot them in the head too.

The 6 year old sounds like a little brat who was invading your daughters privacy. 10 is an age where the last thing you want is to be spied in partially dressed. The mum should absolutely have apologised to you.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:11

And I think it's daft that somebody would raise a daughter not to defend their privacy when they feel threatened and violated.

itsgettingweird · 28/12/2019 12:12

The think the thing most people are missing her is that the 6yo one mother said she deserved it! Clearly the behaviour isn't isolated to that incident and she routinely violates others or acts inappropriately and will not stop.

Perhaps the mother is at the end of her tether and hopes this will be the thing that gets her to stop?

And no, I'm not saying kicking is fine and the answer. But in this case it clearly communicated a fear and anxiety and need to protect that hopefully the younger child will learn from too.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:12

This does not mean that small children are expected to react in self dfence as maturely as adults.

I don’t think they are either. Obviously those factors would be taken into account while she is still as young as this. But as parents we are meant to be preparing them for adulthood, which involves teaching them the actually expected adult standard.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:12

And I think it's daft that somebody would raise a daughter not to defend their privacy when they feel threatened and violated.

Me too. But that isn’t what I am suggesting, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 12:14

The 6yo mother is negligent and her child is wild because of clearly shit poor parenting. Her child was missing for how long? And she hadn't raised any sort of alarm. She made no comment about her child being found or any reaction at all to the safety of her child.

BlueMoonRising · 28/12/2019 12:14

I implied nothing of the sort. Haven’t even read the cinema comment

Well that's just daft, at best. Responding to a message about the cinema comment, without knowing what it's about?

Yeah. Says everything I need to know.

Honeybee85 · 28/12/2019 12:14

Your daughter had warned the girl 3 times (!!!) before she lashed out on the 4th occasion of the girl massively invading her privacy.

I’d say your daughter is well behaved and patient.
If I were in a cubicle and somebody did that to me, they would have been lucky to not get kicked in the face by me the first time they did it (reflex, as I would feel very threatened by this kind of behavior).

It’s a massive overstepping of personal boundaries and I wonder how you would have reacted if it had been a boy who did this to your DD? By being angry with her, you’re letting her know that it’s not OK to defend her boundaries in a violent way, even if she feels she has no choice.
That’s a dangerous thing to teach any girl/woman given the kind of world we live in, IMO.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 12:15

BlueMoonRising

I didn’t. I replied to the comment about the nightclub. I can see how you must feel a bit silly.