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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:46

So you cant answer the question, it's not a story game, it's about how you would then draw the line and how to teach a child boundaries of behaviour in situations, not just this example.

I'm not expecting to change your mind as you are not mine, its a discussion.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:48

And I didnt put forward every scenario imaginable.....I changed the kids age

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:49

No. Because who is the kicker. A 10 year old or my 3 year old. A 10 year old would risk assess and hopefully not feel threatened by a 2 year old.
What if they did it out of instinct. Surprised something was coming at them when unexpected.

But bottom line. My first instinct would be to go and bollock the useless 2 year olds parent.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:49

But we're talking about this scenario.

You can't just change one detail. This is the only one we have.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 23:52

@MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal has answered though.

It wasn't a two year old. This was a 10 year old and a 6 year old, one of which has issues that's being looked into and we don't know about the other except the child was rude to two adults and another child.

She said that you look at individual scenarios which I agree with because it's not black or white.

The situation would be very different with a two year old and it would be very different if it was a 16 year old with a 6 year old.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:56

@merry see now you are stating a 10 year old can risk assess, if they can they wouldn't be scared of a six year old either.

I can see you dont like discussing the repercussions of your views, you just want to give a narrow view on this situation but then dont seem to see how that impacts the child in the bigger picture of their behaviour and what's acceptable for a 10 year old.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 00:00

She did risk asses in her own way. She gave clear warnings. She did not kick in the first instance. So she assessed and chose a verbal command. This was ignored. Multiple times! The brat became more brattish.

So now the situation has changed. Brat ignores commands of both DD and her mother. No assistance is coming.

First choice hasn't worked. Situation is becoming dire. Action required

Action made. Problem sorted. Win win.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 00:00

I have done that repeatedly. You just either can't read or just can't see past your own blinkered view.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 00:02

The bigger picture for me being that a child learns they are well within their rights to defend themselves, their privacy and dignity when they are not respected or are being threatened.

That's it. End of. I think the 10 year old was right.

I've said that constantly.

Tigger001 · 28/12/2019 00:02

@whenisnapped I can see noone is getting my point on how you then teach the child when it's ok to kick a kid in the face a d when it's not. You just seem to let them do it and then assess the situation afterwards.

I'm obviously the odd one out, which I'm absolutely happy with, who looks at where that leads and how you manage that.

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 00:06

So what should the 10 year old have done?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 28/12/2019 00:06

@Tigger001 I understand what you're saying but I think in this situation I can see how it happened.

I'm not saying it's okay but I can see how and why the child reacted the way she did.

This situation should have easily been avoided but both parents let these children down. The 10 year old should never have been in that position and the 6 year old shouldn't be roaming around a shop alone.

eveshopper · 28/12/2019 00:07

Anyone that thinks a 6 year old should get kicked in the face needs to give their head a right wobble. I can't believe the utter bollocks people are posting to try and justify their glee that the kid got hurt. Sick bastards. Every single one of you.

Tigger001 · 28/12/2019 00:07

@merry, I have never questioned you on whether you think this 10tear old was right. I'm clear on that!!

It's how you set the boundaries after that is condened.

But yeah, just leave it

Tigger001 · 28/12/2019 00:14

@whenisnapped i agree and I can see how it got like that and have said the parents are useless. And they should have done more, but they didnt.

The OP asked if it was normal behaviour, IME absolutely not, I would be mortified

And it doesn't excuse the behaviour of a 10 year old against a child nearly half their age. (only in my opinion) and if you condone it, then how do you set the boundaries going forward.

It's ok, I feel my head and a brick wall are getting well acquainted

doritosdip · 28/12/2019 00:16

The 10yo probably can't see the whole body of the 6yo while in the changing room. It could have been another 10 yo for for all she knew. (Not much difference facially)

If she knew child was much younger and smaller she might have been less stressed and picked a solution that wasn't to physically lash out. Her mum failing to act just made the situation worse.

As a 10yo she's probably seen gobby 6yo in the school playground and could deal with it herself them without getting physical

WarrenNicole · 28/12/2019 00:36

I know it’s been said on here already, but the number of people referring to a 6 year old child (who has been left without supervision, through no fault of her own) as “the brat” and agreeing that it is fine for her to be kicked in the face by a 10 year old, is disgusting.

The 10 year should have put her clothes on, opened the cubicle door and asked her mother for assistance to handle the situation. That is what I would have expected my child to do. It is shocking to me that so many of you on here condone violence.

I can’t imagine how frightening it would be to a 6 year old child and to be kicked in the face.

doritosdip · 28/12/2019 00:47

The mother wasn't able to help. Depending on which way the door opens, the 6yo's body could have prevented it doing so.

I agree that the 10yo's only choice was to get changed but if she's waited for mum it could have taken hours.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 28/12/2019 00:50

God, children like the 6 year old are annoying. Some parents can be too lax, your child shouldn’t be sticking their head under changing room doors/curtains - definitely not repeatedly. I used to work at Topshop and this would happen frequently, usually the parent thinks it’s “cute” or just couldn’t care less; it was like they thought staff/other customers were part of some collective babysitting group and it was someone else’s job to deal with their child whilst they have a break🙄

I think the 10 year old handled it as best as a 10 year old could. She gave the kid warnings and asked her to stop repeatedly. As her mum, you should have stepped in once your daughter was being ignored - you just let her deal with it herself almost.

Yes, she kicked her in the head, but to be fair her head was the only part of her body encroaching your daughter’s changing room, she didn’t purposely choose the kid’s head. She also wasn’t to know she was only 6. She may have given her a softer kick (more of a tap I hope), the child could have been crying from shock rather than pain sort of thing.

namechangetheworld · 28/12/2019 00:55

I can’t imagine how frightening it would be to a 6 year old child and to be kicked in the face.

^ This was my first thought too.
Especially for a 6 year old with such a lax mother that she won't have taught her about privacy or boundaries or the like. She was clearly looking for attention or thought she was playing a silly game. Disgusting behaviour from the 10 year old, and disgusting attitudes from the adults on here condoning it.

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 01:17

Well she shouldn't have behaved like a brat. She was told over and over no. Then she got hurt and will listen next time. I wouldn't want someone watching me while I got changed.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 01:39

So a DC should be hurt kicked in the face because of her lack of boundaries.
Why would this the child lacking boundaries? Why was she wondering about a store alone? Could she be neglected by her DM with no guidance or could she have SN, her DM wasn't frantic looking for her. I think it is horrible saying she deserved it. Ffs violence is never okay the poor kid. Most store floors are tiled if she smacked her head from the kick would she deserve that too.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 01:43

To add I know these are DC though a kick in the face or head Imo should be prosecuted as attempted manslaughter.
OP was rightly shocked I'd teach my DD about the possible deadly consequences of her angry actions.

differentnameforthis · 28/12/2019 01:48

Kicking her isn't great, but she was asked several times to stop.

Your daughter is 10, more than likely going through/starting puberty and she wanted her privacy! This girl, albeit she was only 6, was violating that.

WarrenNicole · 28/12/2019 01:51

Hearing adults saying that a 6 year old deserves to be kicked in the face is absolutely sickening. I honestly can’t believe what I’ve read on here.

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