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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 23:03

Some changing rooms are open plan anyway- how will this little snowflake cope??

Whoa. A snowflake because she wants her privacy. I didn’t we weren’t allowed to feel uncomfortable while undressed.

WitchesGlove · 27/12/2019 23:03

Doritos- being hysterical and making a fuss just makes kids think there’s something to be ashamed of. It’s no big deal if someone sees underwear, other countries have a more sensible approach.

How will this precious snowflake cope if she sees topless sunbathing in France? I hope she doesn’t have a heart attack, lol.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:04

You mean an adult who made the conscious decision to be topless.

You understand that they would be different to a person who was forced to strip and walk through a beach right.

The key word is consent.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 23:05

@WitchesGlove I never wore a bikini as a child. I wore a swimsuit with a t shirt over the top because I hated the way I was changing. That went on until I was in my 20's because I was so uncomfortable.

Just because you are doesn't mean that others are comfortable with it.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 27/12/2019 23:05

What does body image have to do with a 10-year-old girl's right to privacy?

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 23:05

Hmm this privacy is for snowflakes bs reminds of the rhetoric of a different type of people. Not very nice people .

I can't see why some adults are so willing to advocate for the lack of privacy,boundaries and control when it comes to children. Well not any good reasons at least.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:07

@merry a needed situation would be if you were in real danger, being attacked or your safety was threatened. Something along them lines.
But none of that happened in this situation.

What would yours be ?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:10

But this child may we'll have felt her safety was threatened. She was in a confined space. With no support being repeatedly embarrassed and repeatedly having her privacy violated unsure what this person would do next.

That would be fine for me.

bluebell34567 · 27/12/2019 23:11

havent read the full thread, its too long.
agree with op, kicking in the face is dangerous and over the top in this situation.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 23:11

you were in real danger, being attacked or your safety was threatened. Something along them lines.

The problem with that is that we can judge the situation as annoying, crossing boundaries but not actually dangerous.

There's no telling how OP's DD felt, if she felt threatened,overwhelmed,anxious and flight,fight freeze response kicked in.

A lot of posters assume she kicked out of anger or malice , when it just as well could've been an instinctual response because she actually didn't feel safe.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:17

She was behind a locked door, with her (albeit useless) but mother non the less outside and the person...was a 6 year old girl !!!!

She was not in real danger and at 10 years old she would have know that, the kid was annoying her, and yes, invading her privacy, but she was 6 !!!!

This is not the situation to kick a child in the face !!!!!!

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:19

@merry you didnt give me yours? Of when it's acceptable to kick a 6year old on the face when you are 10?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:20

Yes I did. I agree with the OPs DD.
I think what she did was acceptable in the circumstances described.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:21

@merry so only in this situation its acceptable ?

ClaireDendie · 27/12/2019 23:21

I would have expected my NT child to resort to the kick on the first time she did it really.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:21

I also pity both girls in the story. It's always sad to hear of children being failed by their parents so completely .

Grumpelstilskin · 27/12/2019 23:22

OP you let your DD down. It wasn't an adult kicking the brat but another child. She actually didn't do it straight away but only after multiple times. Fair enough. Maybe the other child learned not to violate someone's privavcy after that.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:22

No. Anytime somebody persistently threatens an individuals rights to privacy and safety.
Bonus points for giving clear verbal commands and warnings.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:25

@merry, so had they been 2 years old it would have been ok ?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:28

FFs. Again with the what aboutery.

Presumably a two year old would've had an adult. Presumably the 10 year old would've recognised a baby and wouldn't have felt the same threat.

Or maybe she has magical powers and in 6 months she will receive her hogwarts letter.
Because unbelievably as this 2 year old was crawling under the door she teleported to a cocktails bar during happy hour. And they all lived happily ever after.

ClaireDendie · 27/12/2019 23:30

This thread has gone from one woman over reacting and then understanding she did over react to a cluster fuck train crash while drowning of a thread about who knows what topic

Rosebel · 27/12/2019 23:30

I think what your daughter did was okay, what else was she supposed to do. The other child clearly has no respect and hopefully won't do it again. My daughter has additional needs and if I failed to protect her she'd probably react the same way and I wouldn't blame her.
She obviously didn't kick her hard and clearly was distressed. Not your daughter's fault this other child has been brought up to be a brat.

threesecrets · 27/12/2019 23:31

To be honest, I wouldn't do that as an adult, but as a child if I was trying to get changed In privacy and that girl was being cheeky and not leaving me alone I might have done the same thing. I didn't have much body confidence and someone being a peeping tom would have stressed me out.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 23:36

No @merry its about gauging whats acceptable and where the line is drawn, it's not aboutery, it's about if you tell your child you can kick someone in the face for looking under a door.. is that any age? Surely it's not effective patenting if you dont set the boundaries for them work within?

And a the 6 year old should have been with its parent and wasnt, so not a big leap

So again if it were a 2 or 3 year old would you deem that acceptable for your 10 year old child to kick them in the face and if not at what age does it become unacceptable..

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 23:37

Exactly. It's about looking at each individual scenarios and their variables. And I agree with the 10 year old. You don't. That's fine. I don't except to change your mind. And you can put forward every scenario you imagine. You won't change mine.

I'm not playing your ridiculous story game anymore.

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