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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:09

Doubt it. This child laughed in the face of an adult giving a command. And the 10 year old repeatedly shouting at her. She was on a mission.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 22:10

What was her options then? Her mum wasn’t doing anything to stop it.

No she wasn't. But the 10 year old had the option of not kicking the other child in the face.

Are we really expecting a ten year old to think like an adult?

No. We are expecting ten year olds to know not to kick people in the face. That's nothing to do with being an adult. It's basic social behaviour.

Not even all adults can behave reasonably.

Excusing this based on some adults being arseholes doesn't really work. Try again?

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 22:12

@merry oh no that will not be an issue for mine, they will be completely fine, as they will know how to deal with difficult children and people without losing their temper and kicking anyone in the face, unless its needed of course.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 22:12

Other girls at school will see your DD get changed for PE anyway, what the hell is the difference?

There's more space in the changing area so you can move to a place where you can't be stared at?
Or an adult will deal with the child who is staring?
Or the other girls will tell the starer to stop being a weirdo?

If the girl went to the shops in a dress today she couldn't change her top half and bottom half quickly. She could have just been in her underwear. Some 10yo wear bras and have periods,

Topseyt · 27/12/2019 22:14

It wouldn't have got to this stage if OP hadn't been so wishy washy and failed to propel a six year old brat away from her DD. Repeatedly.

TheBigFatMermaid · 27/12/2019 22:14

The 6 year old is the one with the real problems! No reaction to an older child or adult telling them to go away, similar reaction when mum said they were wrong!

This is without even looking at why a 6 year old is wandering round a big store unsupervised!

Your job was to protect your DD! That was all! Next time do that!

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2019 22:16

To those who condone violence on this thread - if you have DCs and one of them was tormenting the other with the one being tormented kicking her sibling in the face, would you shrug your shoulders whilst picking their teeth up off the floor, telling them they got what they deserved? If that’s the case, it’s very worrying to think this sort of parenting is happening.

Branleuse · 27/12/2019 22:19

If one of my kids was being tormented by the other and after repeated warnings, lashed out, then id probably be pretty lenient yes. I wouldnt ignore it or say nothing, but the one doing the tormenting will have had natural consequences

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2019 22:19

Op should have taken control of the situation and reported the matter to the changing room staff as soon as it started to unfold, and the store would then have removed the child and returned her to her dm. To stand there watching with such minimal intervention is a basic parenting failure. Don’t leave DCs to sort out their problems - they don’t have the mental capacity at that age to sort out this sort of issue.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:21

@Tigger001 can you define what you would class as needed then?

WitchesGlove · 27/12/2019 22:21

Dorito-

Even if she was wearing a bra and has periods- still all the 6 year old would have seen would be her underwear! Hardly the end of the world!

Some changing rooms are open plan anyway- how will this little snowflake cope??

OP, does your DD ever wear a bikini in the summer or a swimsuit? People would see the exact same amount of flesh- what is the big deal???

StepAwayFromGoogle · 27/12/2019 22:21

You don't kick a 6 year old in the face. No, she shouldn't have been sodding around trying to look at another child getting changed. But she's 6. She's not a paedophile, she's not a sex pest, she's a 6 year old girl who apparently wasn't supervised and doesn't understand boundaries. She may or may not have behavioural issues. But she didn't deserve to be kicked in the face.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2019 22:22

branleuse seriously? To the point of being seeing one of your DCs being injured? I just didn’t realise this kind of parenting was happening. It’s an eye opener...

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:22

whilst picking their teeth up off the floor,

Again. Has somebody been shagging Chuck Norris? What kind of mutant kids are you breeding?

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2019 22:25

merrychristmasufilthyanimal ah, so kicking someone in the face would never result in someone losing their teeth, or getting a broken nose? Okay......

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 22:26

It's an eye opener for me I had never heard of natural consequence, but yeah it's not a new thing just didnt know it had a name for it.

But when it comes to them being harmed I draw the line.

How many times do you tell them not to go out into the road, until natural cosequence kicks in 🙈🙈

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:27

Can you go into more detail of your hysterical scenario. I'm to busy discussing the thing that actually happened rather than Doug mental gymnastics to create fantasy what aboutery.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/12/2019 22:28

What kind of mutant kids are you breeding?

Ones that kick kids half their age in the face, with a possibility of knocking a tooth/ teeth out

mediumbrownmug · 27/12/2019 22:30

While neither child behaved ideally, your DD’s reaction wasn’t actually out of the norm for her age and the situation. I’d have a convo with her and explain that it’s ok to be angry, but not ok to hurt others. And what the other girl did was not ok either, two wrongs don’t make a right, etc. I’d apologize for not intervening earlier like I should have done, take responsibility for it escalating, and then I’d move on.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 22:34

You know what?

I wish DD would've kicked the little shits that pinned her down,stole her shoes and ran away with them in the face. Instead of having to walk barefoot in the muddy playground,tell a teacher for them to just have to miss the last few minutes of play and say sorry . DD spent the whole day with wet,cold and muddy feet and other kids laughed at her because the boys were younger.

She didn't hit and she never will. A lot of posters would love that, however as a mother I'm sick and tired of having to console the good,reasonable,rule following kid. It's fucking heartbreaking.

Nillynally · 27/12/2019 22:34

Well that brat won't be peeking at anyone else in a changing room again will she?!
'I wish I had'
Your kid sounds awesome

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 27/12/2019 22:36

Even if she was wearing a bra and has periods- still all the 6 year old would have seen would be her underwear! Hardly the end of the world!

Some changing rooms are open plan anyway- how will this little snowflake cope?

What the fuck did I just read?

I pray that you don't have daughters.

ElizabethMountbatten · 27/12/2019 22:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 22:37

I've not seen open plan changing rooms for a long time but by 10, my kids needed people to knock before they entered their bedroom just in case they were changing.

Not wanting to be seen in your underwear doesn't make you a snowflake. Waiting for your chocolate teapot mother to do something is not fun. I've seen people on AIBU get annoyed with a lot less (obviously no kicking as its adults but some massive babyish tantrums)

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:37

Even if she was wearing a bra and has periods- still all the 6 year old would have seen would be her underwear! Hardly the end of the world!
Some changing rooms are open plan anyway- how will this little snowflake cope?

And people like you are the reason I raise my children to put themselves first in the defence of their rights.

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