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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:48

@merry Come on !!! There is a big difference in a 6 year old and a 10 year old.

Yes and so has the 10 year old, and not necessarily a good one.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:49

If she continues to defend herself, her dignity and her privacy she will hopefully get to adulthood with very little trauma.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:50

No. Because she has an infective useless parent.
I'd have unturned to my child and said I'm sorry I didn't step in sooner. I'm sorry I didn't pull her away.

Don't you ever let anyone try and violate your privacy. Nobody had the right to see you in a state of undress.

You were right to start with the reasonable verbose warnings. You were right to do what you did at the end.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:51

@merry she wasnt defending herself she was behind a locked door.

If she continues to behave like that,she may very well have issues and certainly others that come into contact with her will.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:52

Well then you would have failed twice that day instead of once.

Tardigrade001 · 27/12/2019 21:53

Really shocking to see how many people think kicking a small child in the face is acceptable.
The 10 year old's reaction was way out of proportion, and worrying. The 6 year old was very rude and annoying, but not actually threatening her. And it is not just that she resorted to violence. Pushing, shoving and hitting when lashing out can seem understandable under certain circumstances. Kicking someone in a vulnerable position in the face (esp. a much younger child) is another level of cruel, and suggests lack of certain boundaries. Not showing remorse afterwards is worrying too.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2019 21:54

If a child at school is being picked on or feels threatened, they are told to approach their teacher to sort the issue out, and are definitely not encouraged to take matters into their own hands, vigilante style, and beat the crap out of someone. Likewise, in this scenario, the op should have approached the person in charge of the changing room - they usually have someone posted at the entrance, and reported the behaviour, and that person then approaches the child and takes her to her mother, advising the mother about her dds behaviour. The store was responsible for ensuring a safe environment for their customers. Never are people encouraged to dish out their own justice by using physical violence, and it absolutely amazes me that people think it’s okay to physically injure another person in this way.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:54

I disagree. I would've failed by not putting myself between my child and this brat.

I will be raising my children (daughters especially) to defend themselves.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 21:54

So people are allowed to look at us while undressed now?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:55

Never are people encouraged to dish out their own justice by using physical violence

So a woman being assaulted would not be allowed to fight back?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 21:55

She's not acting like that in every day scenarios though. You're making it sound like she's going around doing it all the time.

I assume that she heard her Mum not able to deal with this child so dealt with her herself. We also don't know how hard she kicked her, her Mum was on the other side of the door so didn't see that.

I understand why the child did what she did. Both parents let both children down in this situation.

LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2019 21:58

Kicking a child in the face is never acceptable no matter what the circumstances.

And those who think it is really need to have words with themselves.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:59

No we have words with our children. Teaching them about their boundaries and privacy.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 21:59

What? In no circumstance at all?

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 22:00

Agreed once was the fail not to defend her

The second was by teaching her in that situation she was right.

Of course you teach them to defend themselves, but you have to teach them when it's right to use what force, in that situation it was unnecessary.

You would be doing a disservice to her by teaching her that's acceptable.

Lizzie0869 · 27/12/2019 22:00

The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

That's how I would have handled it if it was one of my DDs who had done that. Although I would have been there and intervened before it escalated to the point where the other child had been provoked into lashing out.

If the other girl was around 6 years of age, what was her mum thinking of to not intervene before it got to the point where she ended up being kicked in the face?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:02

@Tigger001 well I disagree. And because people like me and my children exist in the world you'd better keep yours close and teach them to respect others boundaries and to take the first warning or they might not like what happens.

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2019 22:05

Booting someone away from under a locked changing room door is obviously a lot less than a flying kick in the face.
Not ideal behaviour but, definitely not a hanging offence.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 22:06

@merry Haha, I'm quite sure we wont be bumping into each other neither our children, I dont hold that sort of company but my kids will be just fine, they will know how to conduct themselves and defend themselves against those who dont.

Branleuse · 27/12/2019 22:06

When looking at a face keeping appearing from under a door where she is undressing, how the hell was the 10 year old supposed to quickly ascertain this was a 6 year old girl amd not maybe a 9/10 yr old boy?

WitchesGlove · 27/12/2019 22:06

OP, has your daughter ever been violent before?

I am very surprised by the responses on this thread.

A 6 year old is not a predatory pervert paedophile! Just a curious, naughty child.

A 10-year-old that kicks younger children in the head is far worse!

Surely if trying on clothes, your DD can’t have been fully naked? At most all the kid would have seen would have been underwear! Other girls at school will see your DD get changed for PE anyway, what the hell is the difference?

Sorry, but especially after having no remorse, your DD is the one that is a nasty little shit for assaulting a younger child.

Lizzie0869 · 27/12/2019 22:07

And no, I'm not saying that the OP's DD was right to respond by kicking the other girl in the face. Neither child was in the right, and both mums should have intervened sooner to stop the incident from escalating.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 22:08

@Tigger001 and let's hope they don't come across those who don't respond to polite verbal requests.

WitchesGlove · 27/12/2019 22:09

A normal reaction would have been to grab her coat and cover up, or to loudly scream. That would have got rid of the child!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/12/2019 22:09

Never are people encouraged to dish out their own justice by using physical violence, and it absolutely amazes me that people think it’s okay to physically injure another person in this way.

I have to disagree with this. I run frequently and we live in a fairly isolated village. Running along a canal path a few years ago I was approached by a man who attempted to grab me by my shoulders. Because my Dad taught me self defence as a young teen I was able to get away. Because my Dad taught me the right way to defend myself, the man's bollocks ended up roughly in his stomach. I absolutely teach my DC to use violence to defend themselves when it's needed and wouldn't hesitate to admit that in real life as well as on here.

I can think of several scenarios when physical violence is the only suitable response. I don't fight, look for scraps or behave aggressively ever. My DC are the least scrappy children I know. But neither of them would tolerate someone invading their privacy in this way and the youngest would probably react physically.

OP as PP's have suggested, teaching your DD about force and what is/isn't appropriate should be a focus here. DS1 has Autism and is over 6 foot tall. I found taking him to martial arts classes taught him to focus his energy but also to rein it in; his teachers are very strict and stern about only using physical force on the mats, and they also teach him how to use his strength in a positive way. It could really help your DD.

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