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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 20:56

Yes. I do think in this scenario a kick to the face was reasonable.
There was clearly not masses of force.
There were repeated warnings and cry's for assistance.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 20:56

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal Seems to be there is no getting through to people that a girls comfort is important. No matter who it is that’s making them uncomfortable, they shouldn’t have to feel that way and if they do and aren’t being helped then taking things into their own hands will happen. If you choose to stand there like a chocolate fire guard then expect your child to lash out when distressed. It’s instinct for a lot of people, same way we don’t blame cornered animals for biting.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 20:57

I know. I'm saying that I agree with what the 10 year old did regardless of diagnosis.

Is it ideal. Absolutely not.
The ideal would be have two decent parents with common sense between them.

Unfortunately both children were massively failed and as such are having to be raised on experiences out in the real world.

namechangetheworld · 27/12/2019 20:58

I'm shocked with the amount of posters saying that your DDs actions were justified. She kicked a six year old (albeit, an irritating one) in the frigging face. Repulsive behaviour.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/12/2019 21:00

Aargh we don't blame animals for alot of things we wouldn't deem acceptable in our society. I would hardly use that as my gauge for a good and decent human being, that they are better than a wild animal.

Yes I agree, we quite clearly have different views.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:01

I'd describe the level of parenting in this story as 'repulsive behaviour'

That 6 year old is going to get into a hell of a lot worse scenarios unfortunately. And hopefully OP will now become more effective and learn to defend her daughter.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/12/2019 21:03

@MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal I completely agree that both were failed by their parents p, and it's a shame that the situation has to be discussed at all.

In an ideal world the child (6 year olds) mother would have been with her child to stop it from peeping, or the 10 year olds mother could have to done more to prevent it.

That never happened but I just don't think it justifies that reaction, but we are all different.

eveshopper · 27/12/2019 21:08

Seems to be there is no getting through to people that a girls comfort is important.

Just the one girl though, the other girls comfort doesn't matter a fuck and she should be kicked right in the face Hmm

No matter who it is that’s making them uncomfortable, they shouldn’t have to feel that way and if they do and aren’t being helped then taking things into their own hands will happen.

Taking things into their own hands doesn't have to mean 'resort to violence'

If you choose to stand there like a chocolate fire guard then expect your child to lash out when distressed.
It’s instinct for a lot of people, same way we don’t blame cornered animals for biting.

Really?

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:09

Ay what age does it become unacceptable to kick the 6 year old in the face, if my 6 year old doesn't respect my privacy when I'm in the bath and have to ask more than 4 times for them to leave, can I kick her in the face ?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:15

The what aboutery on this thread is hysterical.

1st lock the door.
2nd engage other parents
3rd physically remove them.

All options the 10 year old did not have.

PanicAndRun · 27/12/2019 21:18

Justifying or explaining or showing understanding why the 10 yo reacted the way she did doesn't mean there's no room for a discussion or improvement in behaviour and conflict resolution.

However vilifying the same 10 yo(with possible SN and behavioural difficulties)and making her sound like an ASBO terror in need of anger management won't help either.

Her mother's demand for remorse straight after not helping her,shouting at her and leaving her alone was never going to be met .

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:18

So @merry, I'm I ok to do it to my 6year old
Or what she does it stop being ok?

Puffyrounded · 27/12/2019 21:18

Yanbu. Your daughter is 10 and getting older and physically bigger and could cause serious injury. Kicking in the face should not be minimised at all.

You need to be more proactive in supervising and intervening in situations that are escalating like this did. There were clear warning signs and you need to step in emotionally coach your dd into responding in an acceptable manner.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:20

No @Tigger001 because you are presumably an intelligent adult with a hell of a lot more options then a trapped 10year old

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:26

@merry So what age does the intelligence level change?
What age does it stop being acceptable 12....15 ?

Gertrudesgarden · 27/12/2019 21:28

I'm on the 10 year olds side. She gave plenty of warning. Why shouldn't she be allowed to get irritated and exasperated by someone who didn't give a shit about her privacy? As an adult, Id have been hard pressed to resist a kick to the face myself if faced with horrid behaviour like that. The ten year old was massively provoked, other mum was cool and hopefully brattish girl won't be that brattish in future.

Fr0g · 27/12/2019 21:30

The other mother should have been in control of the six year old, not letting her wander around random changing rooms.
Hopefully it's learned a lesson - your daughter asked her several times, you asked her - where was the Mother throughout this?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:31

It's always acceptable to defend yourself against somebody.
Your age and size would open up more options.
So as an adult I wouldn't feel threatened by an irritating child. I would be able to rationalise that I wasn't in danger and be able to use my strength to stop the child and call for help.

If this was a woman my age. I would boot her in the face.

londonscalling · 27/12/2019 21:37

Discuss it with her therapist at CAMHS

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:38

Also discuss how she feels about your ineffectiveness. This could potentially have really upset her and she may need support in confronting you.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 21:39

Taking things into their own hands doesn't have to mean 'resort to violence'

What was her options then? Her mum wasn’t doing anything to stop it. Are we really expecting a ten year old to think like an adult? Not even all adults can behave reasonably.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:41

@merry but they weren't the same age, one of the kids was only 6 years old.

She wasnt defending herself, she was behind a door !!!

I'm only small so size comparison it would acceptable for me to do it to one quite young.

Privacy can be distressing regardless of age, so if that's a factor again any age is acceptable...

Alot easier just to teach your kid not to act like a thug in difficult situations.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 21:43

A thug? Really, we are calling a girl that was uncomfortable with her pleas for help ignored, a thug? What the fuck?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 21:45

They are both children. And a 6 (?) year old understood the repeated requests to desist in her violating behaviour. She's now learnt a great lesson.

A thug would've stomped on her head the 1st time.

Not given repeated warnings.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 21:45

Yes, if she ages and continues to kicks people in the face, in unacceptable circumstances, she will become a thug and a bully.

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