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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 17:53

Lots of posters on this thread are praising the girl for kicking the six year old in the face.

No they're not. Posters are saying they understand the girls actions, and agree with them due to the repeated ignored warnings and the circumstances of the situation. Nowhere on the thread has anyone said it's ok for a child to kick another without reason or cause.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:54

The crappy role model are the adults -the 6yo's parent and OP

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:55

Yes. How crappy.

Why do we teach small children the correct terms of anatomy?
To protect them when they are a little older in case the worst happens.

I see the long game. Right now it's a 10 year old. One day she will be 18, 19+
And I will always want my daughter to know that she has the right to defend herself against those who want to cause her harm.

But then maybe years and years of working in bars and seeing the worst of men and women has made me paranoid.

Better safe than sorry.

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/12/2019 17:57

How does OP know the child was 6? It would be really unusual for a 6 yo to be doing this type of thing - parents of SEN kids this age just wouldn’t leave them alone to roam around the shop either. My guess is that the kid was probably a big 3-4 year old.

Either way a 10 yo should not be suppressing her emotions to the extent that she blows up to this extent. But I also wouldn’t expect the mum of a child with SN to just watch uselessly while a much younger child annoyed them - OP knew what would happen. She should have contacted a shop assistant to get the child to stop harassing her dd.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/12/2019 17:58

Oka y just supposing the child had died from b eing kicked in the face. Granted not very likely, but I could have happened. Would most of you be saying
"She deserved it" then. That's not to say the child wasn't in the wrong, however.
Like I said it's the parents at fault letting her wonder around bloody shops on her own. Not only the fact that she was causing a nuisance, but Any dirty nonce could have been lurking about in there

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/12/2019 18:00

The thing is though @GrumpyHoonMain.
If shop assistant wanted to manage children's behaviour. They'd have gone into child psychology not retail work

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 18:01

That's very true about anybody could have been in there. It could have been a pedo who invited her into the cubicle and her mum would have been none the wiser.

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/12/2019 18:02

@Awwlookatmybabyspider - ffs. Some salty losers on MN tonight. Nobody expects a shop assistant to manage a child’s behaviour - the parent would do that AFTER the shop assistant announces on the tannoy that there’s a lost child in the shop.

FishCanFly · 27/12/2019 18:03

Oka y just supposing the child had died from b eing kicked in the face.
Seriously? A 10yo girl so powerful she'd kill with a single kick? Hmm

Cjo99 · 27/12/2019 18:08

The girl was being incredibly rude and honestly if my DD kicked her in the face, I would have agreed with her...I might have told her that violence isn't the answer but your DD did warn the girl multiple times so...^^ I think she was in the right😂 and on the other side of the story if my DD kept sticking her head under someone's cubicle I would have shouted at her, I don't think you should be worried about itSmilethe girl probably learnt a lesson😂

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 18:09

People saying responding to a situation with violence is wrong, I'd say it shouldn't be the first resort, but can be the last resort.

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 18:09

Yes a child should always be brought up to know they can defend themselves against anyone wishing to do them harm. This wasnt the case, it was a child being silly, misbehaving or naughty whatever people want to call it. Noone actually knows the age of the child, it was just a guess from the OP.

Some people are just ridiculous, why should the shop assistant intervene with a small child, that's the parents job.

The same as it the parents job to teach a child not to kick a child in the face, you are correct OP to teach your child this is not how to deal with the situation she was faced with.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 18:09

Is this 10yo the lost child of Chuck Norris?

Tigger001 · 27/12/2019 18:11

I could just see the MM uproar at a " the shop assistant pulled my child and shouted at them in the changing room " title....

randomnameone · 27/12/2019 18:11

Why didn't you protect your DD in the first place. She was asked multiple times to not peer under the door and it sounds like you were right there. Why didn't you put yourself between your the door and the child? Anyway your daughter reacted exactly as my autistic 11 year old would and he wouldn't care after either. Quite possibly my NT children would react like that too. Support your DD

Lndnmummy · 27/12/2019 18:18

Am I hearing this right? Posters are saying “I wouldn’t have told her off for that tbh”.

What?! A ten year old kicking a child half her age in the face? Jeeezzz

OP, you sound amazing and I’m sorry you are having a hard time with your ddFlowers. You sound strong and a loving caring mother at that. Stick with it

Lndnmummy · 27/12/2019 18:19

Sorry “stick with it” sounded pompous, as if we have a choice in the matter. But hopefully you know what I meant.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 18:20

A caring mother would've stopped it getting to that point in the first place.

HomeMadeMadness · 27/12/2019 18:22

@MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

Wow, really nasty, unhelpful comment. I'm sure OP is a caring mother - it's such an odd situation she probably didn't know what to do and it might not have occurred to her that DD would be bothered by being seen by a small child while in the changing room.

JustASmallTownCurl · 27/12/2019 18:22

Just finished reading the thread and feel a bit like kicking myself in the face 😂

Emeraldshamrock · 27/12/2019 18:22

OP the other DC doesn't sound like she has good parental input.
Walking around a department store her DM strolling shopping without a care on the world. Both parents are responsible for their DC behaviour today.
All issues were preventable.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 18:23

She didn't know what do? Really?

Stand in front of the door.
Call an assistant.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 18:24

And the child wants in the changing room.
She was sticking herself under her half dressed DD private cubicle.

TooManyPaws · 27/12/2019 18:25

OP, you were being thoroughly ineffectual and wet. Don't you have any instinct to protect your child, rather than running off after the child from whose actions you so uselessly failed to protect your child. Given that your child is being investigated for possible ASD, she did very well to hold off and give so many warnings, particularly while being totally failed by her mother's inability to parent and protect. She then lost it and lashed out. There is no mention of how hard this kick was and, as she was changing, it was likely with a bare foot or with a sock on, and likely to be just a lash out in the direction rather than carefully aimed with the intention of doing damage. I'm going through the same investigation as your daughter, and I can clearly remember being being pushed to the brink at a similar age and lashing out with anger. Your daughter likely has obvious problems with managing actions and emotions, leading to the investigations, yet you did nothing to stop the situation escalating until she got to this point.

anon2000000000 · 27/12/2019 18:25

Let it go. The kids mum is right.

Younger girl was being a brat.