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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:43

It is not normal for a 6 year old to do that. It is perverse and you're completely disregarding the feelings of the victim.

As an adult woman I would be annoyed but not nearly as much as a young girl who
deserves total privacy.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:44

This child violated the OPs daughter.

Disregarding this hyperbole, the six year old isn’t criminally responsible, the ten year old is.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:44

The point you are trying to make doesn’t matter in this particular situation.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:45

It’s perverse and you're completely disregarding the feelings of the victim.

Creepy!

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:45

Aaarrgghhh

Well, thanks for clearing that up.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:45

So because a 6 year old isn't criminally responsible that means she didn't violate a female child?

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:45

I don’t care about criminal repsinsility. She still violated someone’s privacy. Fs even my five year old knows that people want their privacy and we are to respect that, her own privacy included.

northernknickers · 27/12/2019 17:46

@lilgreen the younger child wasn't 'reception aged'. The OP says she was about 6 (which is either year 1 or year 2, depending on birthday!) but actually, without actually asking, the OP doesn't really know how old either, so it's all speculation anyway!

And for everyone else commenting on the fact that a 10 year old shouldn't be kicking a 6 year old in the face. Take a minute to look at the actual scenario.

The 10 year old is currently undergoing investigations for possible Aspergers, so in all likelihood can't 'read' situations like this particularly well (although to be fair, she did quite well in the circumstances, and gave plenty of verbal warnings before getting physical!).

Most 10 year olds would find it difficult to gauge the age of what amounts to simply a 'head' poking underneath a door!! A head that was pulling faces...hard to read for a neurotypical 10 year old, let alone one with an ongoing diagnosis. No 'body' to support with making a guestimate on age. She's not going to know how old this child is!! It's just 'a head' making fun of her as she's undressed in a changing room!! That's very, very unnerving to a possibly vulnerable child!

She's asked several times already for 'the head' to stop/go away. Her OWN MOTHER has failed to protect her from this head! She's probably panicking by this point...in an enclosed place, nowhere to go. An animal would lash out...of course it would...to survive. I know we have evolved but still, our instincts are fight or flight, and she's 10! So she lashes out with her foot (after 4 verbal warnings have been ignored!!!!!)

Whilst of course we don't want our children kicking others for NO reason, this 10 year old had extenuating circumstances here in spades! She didn't know that the other child wasn't a danger (ie a small 'maybe' 6 year old!) and her own mother was being ridiculously ineffective at protecting her.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:46

Yes. It's one of the first rules they teach. Looking at classmates on the loo, trying to open the door when it is locked (I don't mean accidentally when it's not obvious if it's free or not) is taken very seriously.

10 year old girls and boys don't change with opposite sex classmates at school because it's recognised that deserve privacy.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:46

Aaarrgghhh

You might not care, the law does care. If you teach a ten year old that she can respond to a six year old like that, people will get hurt. Grow up.

Benjispruce · 27/12/2019 17:47

Not an acceptable response to annoying but harmless behaviour from a reception aged child. I do think that you OP should have done more to stop the child from looking under the door and found her parents or a member of staff. I do think you’re right to be concerned that your 10 could do such a thing.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:47

10 year old girls and boys don't change with opposite sex classmates at school because it's recognised that deserve privacy.

People do deserve privacy. I didn’t say otherwise.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:47

I wouldn't call it harmless at all. You don't have the right to speak for the DD

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:48

So because a 6 year old isn't criminally responsible that means she didn't violate a female child?

She violated her privacy. She didn’t violate the child. And she’s six. She needed a telling off, not a fucking beating.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:49

No one is saying to teach a ten year to go around kicking people. Fs can you not read? Are you trying to lie about what people have said even though it’s there in black and white? I have grown up, it seems you haven’t to be honest. Wise up a bit now.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:49

She didn’t get a beating.. maybe look into the meanings of words before using them.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:49

We don't know how the 10 year old feels.
I'd feel extremely violated of somebody tried to break into my changing room.

If it's not that big of a deal why the kick off about TW being on Female changing rooms?

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:50

It is far from normal for a 6yo to repeatedly do what she did. I've seen kids around that age look for their adult in loos and changing areas and they use their voices to locate their adult. Looking under the door to see if it's their adult is something I'd expect a 2/3 year old to consider but they are often in a buggy or in the cubicle itself so not an issue usually.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:50

Aaarrgghhh

Lots of posters on this thread are praising the girl for kicking the six year old in the face. Presumably, they wouldn’t tell her off or punish her, and many of them have explicitly said so. That is teaching her that it is okay. I am not the one with the comprehension problem here.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:51

If my 6yo did that I'd be considering whether they needed assessing tbh.

Benjispruce · 27/12/2019 17:51

6 yr old- in the wrong, extremely annoying but lacking adult supervision
10 yr old - deserves privacy and was right to tell the younger child to go away. Kicking the child in the face however is really odd behaviour in my mind. I would be having a conversation about control and appropriate responses to situations as at age 10, things change.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:52

Yes. I would absolutely tell my child that it's OK to protect herself.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:52

The 10yo gave lots of verbal warnings. The OP told her it was rude. If OP had been more robust then the incident would have not required a 10yo to deal with things.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:53

I’m going to step away from this now. So many people just revealing themselves as really crappy role models. Sad.

lilgreen · 27/12/2019 17:53

I would tell my child that it is not ok to kick people unless you are being attacked.

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