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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
lilgreen · 27/12/2019 17:26

It’s a small child, badly behaved but very young. You can’t kick them in the face!

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:27

The adult caring for her wasn’t doing anything to stop the younger child, there is nothing else the ten year old could have done to make the six year old leave her alone right then and there. She had nowhere she could even hide or run to.

Bollocks. She could have shouted. She could have pushed her away with her hand. She could have nudged her with her foot. We are doing our young people no favours whatsoever by teaching them that it’s okay to respond to situations with extreme violence.

FishCanFly · 27/12/2019 17:30

As others said. You're overreacting and should be more supportive of your DD. Kicking a smaller child in the face isn't ideal, but seriously the little brat needed to be taught a lesson.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:31

We are doing young people no favours by thinking they can perve on people and violate they're privacy and threaten them without serious response.

Bollocks to raising my daughters to care more about somebody threatening them than their own safety.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:32

but seriously the little brat needed to be taught a lesson.

Is that what we say when people come on here and say they physically punished their children? No. The whole of MN is up in arms that we can’t use physical punishment against children. That it’s abusive. Which it is. But when a six year old is being naughty, suddenly kicking her in the face to teach her not to be naughty is acceptable? Hmm

drinkygin · 27/12/2019 17:32

Bliney there are some absolutely hysterical, straw man “what about” replies on this thread. This was a child interacting with another child. Nobody’s lost an eye or broken a nose for gods sake 🙄 6 year old (which is NOT reception age by the way PP) was a nasty little shit and got her comeuppance. Ops kid gave her ample opportunity to fuck off and she didn’t. I think your daughter showed tremendous restraint op.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:33

thinking they can perve on people and violate they're privacy and threaten them without serious response

The girl is six. She wasn’t perving on anyone. She was being annoying and this was a grotesque overreaction to that.

drinkygin · 27/12/2019 17:33

It’s not the same church don’t be so ridiculous 🙄 it was TWO CHILDREN. C H I L D R E N. Both of them. Kids. 10 is a kid. Nothing like an adult booting a six year old in the face for gods sake.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:34

Nobody’s lost an eye or broken a nose for gods sake 🙄

Which is lucky. That’s not the point. The point is whether what she did was right or wrong.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:34

drinkygin

At ten the child is criminally responsible. If you teach her this is the right course of action, you are setting her up for further violent incidents. Not a good idea.

drinkygin · 27/12/2019 17:35

Church but at 10 I would have felt embarrassed, threatened and invaded and yes, perved on, regardless of how old the other person was. Why are you incapable of seeing this from the ten year olds perspective at all? Confused

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:37

drinkygin

Of course I can see it from her perspective. That doesn’t make her right.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:38

The girl is six. She wasn’t perving on anyone.

She is six. She knows that people in cubicles may be naked and it's not normal to watch.

Why do you think she did it?

midnightmisssuki · 27/12/2019 17:38

Good to know you’re on your daughters side here 🤦🏻‍♀️

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 17:38

If you teach her this is the right course of action, you are setting her up for further violent incidents.

Obviously the OP isn't teaching her this, as she tried to sort the situation by repeatedly asking the other child to stop. It was only when she felt she had no other choice that she reacted the way she did.

Surely you can explain to a child that her actions whilst understandable, were wrong. One act of impulsive aggression doesn't make her a violent person.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/12/2019 17:40

Tbh she was warned over and over and not a toddler so I’d leave it be.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:40

Why do you think she did it?

To be naughty? Because she thought it was funny? But if anyone else talks about her “perving” I’ll start to think they have a distorted perspective on what six year olds generally behave like. And I’ll be calling them weirdos.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:40

You want to be hysterical over the 10 year olds 'assault'

Then the perpetrator can have the same treatment.

Or just see it as two children having an altercation that ended well.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:41

Surely you can explain to a child that her actions whilst understandable, were wrong. One act of impulsive aggression doesn't make her a violent person

I didn’t say it did. I am talking to those who say she was right.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:41

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal

No, she can’t. She’s six.

doritosdip · 27/12/2019 17:41

Which it is. But when a six year old is being naughty, suddenly kicking her in the face to teach her not to be naughty is acceptable?

At school the six year old would be punished for looking under the door.

The 10yo would not be in trouble for giving lots of verbal warnings before acting in self defense.

The 10yo would be in trouble if she'd kicked her multiple times as that's a disproportionate response but today she was getting no effective help from her mum.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 17:41

churchandstate You can say bollocks all you want. The op was aware of what was happening to the daughter and did nothing to stop it.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:42

Aaarrgghhh

The OP is in the wrong here. I didn’t say otherwise. It’s not the point I’m making, though.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 17:42

6 year olds can still have the intention of doing wrong. They can still threaten they can still violate.

This child violated the OPs daughter.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 17:43

At school the six year old would be punished for looking under the door.

Would she? How? Would someone kick her in the face, or would they say that was a violent and abusive act?

The 10yo would not be in trouble for giving lots of verbal warnings before acting in self defense.

She would in my school. You can’t go round kicking people in the face unless you are actually being attacked.

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