To not want my child around him?

[ukatykikapenej]

I've namechanged incase some of my partners family recognise me by reading my other posts.

I've been friends with my partner since we were about 9/10. And we've been in a relationship for almost 3.5 years. When we were children he always said how he thinks his dad Hated him because he was saying things about him (he never said what though) so he spent a lot of time around my house (no idea why I didn't tell anyone). Anyway today we went to see his dad's family. His dad drank a bit so he was a bit drunk. He was asking his wife (not partners mum) give him another bottle she said no and then he started shouting that he wanted one. Then his wife asked him if he wanted tl do that in front of his son (partner) and his dad said he can handle it and then he said actually he can't. Partner didn't answer him and then his dad hit him around the face and he's now got a bruise.

We are going to ttc in February/March so would I be unreasonable to not want my child near him? Advice would be appreciated.

Why does he still see his father? Why make the effort to visit at all?

Op, every single one of the women marrying and creating children with abusive partners thought the same. Your partner needs help breaking away from the abusive family he's from because he may not intend to abuse but in times of stress he may revert to what he's seen, old childhood dynamics etc without meaning to. And apart from anything else, if you love him then surely you want to see him extricate himself from these awful situations?

I'm relieved your partner is going to the police, ukaty. There is no way his family can force him to visit his father, it's nothing to do with them and if they knew what he was like, they would go non contact too.

He didn't tell his mum he said he didn't know what happened. I think hes blocked his dad though.

Is he going NC with his dad after this?

I dont know if hes going NC. He said the police probably won't do anything

Well hes just gone round his dad's. No idea why he said because he wants to.

I've tried to call him to see when he'll be back but he declined it. I don't even know why he's gone there. Should I tell his mum about his dad?

Forget about ttc just now. You have learned something huge about your partner and I would be trying to support him through that. He needs to feel he can cut contact regardless of issues with other family members, and he needs counselling for all he has dealt with. Forget the non existent baby, help you partner then hopefully get baby plans back on track after that.

I am supporting him but he said he was going to the police tomorrow and I think he blocked his dad but now he's gone round his house. And he hasn't told his mum

He’s probably talking to him. See what he says when he comes back. I think you’ll find he will say he’s had a good talk and is not going to the police.

I would be concerned.

I would maybe try and contact him again. Depends on his mum. Would it add to the drama. You need to know he is safe.

I dont know if his mum would cause more drama. He's declined my call again.

Honestly I'd end the relationship.

Hes back now. He said his dad started off being nice to him but then he punched him twice (on the lip and it's got a cut on and his cheek and it was already bruised from yesterday ). Would his t shirt be evidence as that's got blood on?

Partner thinks he's abusing him because he's different to his older half brother and he doesn't do anything to him and tonight he asked him why he can't be like him or his brother (they like all things most men like).

Has he called the police?

No he hasn't called the police. I think hes still going to report it tomorrow

Why tomorrow? He can call them now.

He won't call them now and he said earlier he would tomorrow.

Honestly OP. Give him a deadline tomorrow. If he doesn't call them is seriously consider how you want your life to go.
Do not underestimate how IL drama can ruin your life. You may think you can be a united front against the whole world but it doesn't work when they have an Achilles heel.

I think he will call them tomorrow

The man is seriously messed up. He needs help ASAP. Going back to see an abuser is a big red flag as well. He must go to the police as it will be an important act of admitting what has happened. He needs to tell his mum too but maybe counselling would help with that.

Please do not bring a baby into this mess!

He said he will report it later. But still won't tell his mum

He doesn't need to tell his mom. He's an adult. What he does need to do is give you assurances that he's not going to stay in contact with his dad for yours and his safety.

If he refuses to cut contact you need to seriously consider whether you can put up with this situation.
What happens when you get your own home and his dad comes round and gets angry?
What happens when you have a child and they backchat his dad?

I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. A baby hasn’t been conceived yet! It doesn’t sound like you’d be seeing this unpleasant man very often if at all if that’s how he behaves. What does your DP think?