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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave nanny/housekeeper a generous Christmas bonus. Now she’s ditched me!

142 replies

DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:15

So, I gave my nanny/housekeeper a very nice Christmas bonus. She was supposed to come the day before Christmas Eve but rang in sick so I had to send the bonus by online banking. Happy to do so. She replied by text thanking me. Today, three days later, she has texted me to say she had decided to return to her home country and won’t be able to come to me again.

We have had a good relationship. She’s been coming to me for 6 months.

We do not have a contract. She is freelance and sorts her own tax. She works 10 hours for me and has four other jobs.

By nanny/housekeeper I mean she does all the housework and watches the DCs a bit but rarely sole care.

My Aibu is that I think she is a bit cheeky to accept the bonus which was paid to her on the 24th then announce this two days later.

Weekly I pay her above the London living wage for ten hours.

The bonus was £200.

OP posts:
SuperFurryDoggy · 26/12/2019 21:16

Giving you so little notice is rude, but I always think Christmas bonuses are for good work in the year leading up to Christmas, so wouldn’t expect it to be returned.

zebra22 · 26/12/2019 21:18

YABU the bonus was for work done and you chose to give it to her

CheesecakeAddict · 26/12/2019 21:18

The bonus, I see it, is for good work already done. If you think she is deserving of it, then yabu to expect her to stay just because of the bonus.

However, I think she is bu by ditching you like that over Christmas, leaving you so little time to sort it out. Unless it was some big emergency, I imagine this would have been planned well in advance.

Raphael34 · 26/12/2019 21:18

I think it’s cheeky. I’d be mortified if I was her and I’d definitely offer it back

Merryoldgoat · 26/12/2019 21:18

Bonuses are for work done in the year, not to engender loyalty.

I can understand you’re peeved but I’d just shrug and get advertising.

isadoradancing123 · 26/12/2019 21:20

Bonus was far too much

AveEldon · 26/12/2019 21:21

So you gave her a bonus of 2 weeks pay after 6 months work?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 26/12/2019 21:21

‘We do not have a contract”. If she was intent on returning to her home country the existence of a contract would be neither here nor there. I’m assuming that Christmas bonus was in thanks and recognition of her work for you for the last six months, or did you intend for it to be virtual handcuffs?

Sparklesocks · 26/12/2019 21:21

It’s a bit cheeky but as others have said it’s for the work done this year, rather than a loyalty incentive. Not good to be left at such short notice though, maybe when you hire her replacement you can negotiate some sort of notice period? (appreciate this might be trickier with freelancers).

ILikTheBred · 26/12/2019 21:22

Bonuses are a reward for work done in the past so you are being unreasonable. Where I used work there was a mass exodus of staff every July after the bonuses were paid in June!

She should have given you more notice though - you’re not being unreasonable to be upset by that.

2020theteendrink · 26/12/2019 21:23

You just need to response to say you'll miss her and wish her luck surely?

Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:25

So you gave her a bonus of 2 weeks pay after 6 months work?

Yes. I thought it was a bit much, my DH wanted to be generous. We felt a bit sorry for her not going home for Christmas. She said the flights were to expensive and she was planning to go in January for a visit.

I liked her. The children liked her. I just thought it would really make her Christmas to receive a big bonus. I haven’t given that much in the past.

OP posts:
ClutterbuckFarm · 26/12/2019 21:25

Get her to give you a reference showcasing you as a good and generous employer, to help attract a good quality replacements

Palavah · 26/12/2019 21:26

My employer pays a bonus annually in March for performance in the previous year. Of course there's a bump in resignations in April.

You didn't have a contract so you were both as exposed as each other.

Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:27

Where I used work there was a mass exodus of staff every July after the bonuses were paid in June!

Yes, but I’m not a company employing hundreds. We’re just a family.

OP posts:
eaglejulesk · 26/12/2019 21:30

Surely the bonus was for the work she has already done? It's unfortunate, but that's life. A bit rude to simply say she's not coming again though, with no contract she is entitled to do that, but it is still rude as I'm sure she had already made plans to leave before telling you.

Elieza · 26/12/2019 21:31

How much notice in her contract should she have given you? That’s my only issue with this. A bonus isn’t a retainer.

FruitcakeOfHate · 26/12/2019 21:32

That's life!

Sleepingboy · 26/12/2019 21:34

You didn't have a contract with her so she can leave whenever she likes.

TheReef · 26/12/2019 21:35

I wouldn't have the nerve to do that but some people think it's ok. I agree it's for services over the past 6 months but in her position I'd have not accepted it.

AveEldon · 26/12/2019 21:35

The thing is, you weren't her main employer - just one of a bunch of part time jobs - 10 hours is just one day a week

Obligatorync · 26/12/2019 21:43

Perhaps with the money she was suddenly able to afford the flight and was very homesick?

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2019 21:45

I would hazard a guess she wasn’t ‘sorting her own tax’.

Khione · 26/12/2019 21:48

bonus from you and whatever she got from the others paid her flight back home is my guess

Butterfly84 · 26/12/2019 21:54

Surely your 'bonus' was a tip/present/thank you for her work she did for you in 2019. She could have given more notice and was quite rude to only give a few days. I get why you feel a bit miffed...you thought you were giving a present to someone who would be working for you again next year. But such is life OP. Move on.