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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave nanny/housekeeper a generous Christmas bonus. Now she’s ditched me!

142 replies

DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:15

So, I gave my nanny/housekeeper a very nice Christmas bonus. She was supposed to come the day before Christmas Eve but rang in sick so I had to send the bonus by online banking. Happy to do so. She replied by text thanking me. Today, three days later, she has texted me to say she had decided to return to her home country and won’t be able to come to me again.

We have had a good relationship. She’s been coming to me for 6 months.

We do not have a contract. She is freelance and sorts her own tax. She works 10 hours for me and has four other jobs.

By nanny/housekeeper I mean she does all the housework and watches the DCs a bit but rarely sole care.

My Aibu is that I think she is a bit cheeky to accept the bonus which was paid to her on the 24th then announce this two days later.

Weekly I pay her above the London living wage for ten hours.

The bonus was £200.

OP posts:
Cohle · 26/12/2019 21:57

The bonus was for past work. If your priority was stability and commitment then in the future I suggest having a written contact and not employing people cash in hand Hmm.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/12/2019 21:58

It sucks for you but no, she was not unreasonable to accept it. A bonus is supposed to be appreciation for work done and an indication of value and, perhaps, of what she can hope to expect in the future, but it's not something that obligates her to stay.

Also, despite you feeling like you pay her well, if she was actually paying tax, a living wage for someone self-employed traveling from job to job to make up to a full-time equivalent is quite different to a living wage for someone who is employed FT. So it may not have been as good a deal as you thought it was. And if she wasn't paying tax her position becomes increasingly tenuous as time rolls by and she hasn't built up her national insurance and risks being caught, it's particularly precarious if she wasn't legally entitled to work.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/12/2019 22:07

Oh dear, I'm imagining her thinking that she's love to go home, but she was £200 short, and your bonus just tipped the balance.
it's unfortunate and inconvenient, but not the end of the world.

underneaththeash · 26/12/2019 22:12

What can you do OP? Next time, only pay the bonus when they come in.

Justaboy · 26/12/2019 22:15

We don't know her circumstances her reasons for not coming back but at least wish her well poor woman!

BrendasUmbrella · 26/12/2019 22:16

A bonus of £200 for someone who had only worked for you for six months was very generous. And yes it was for work done in the year, but it was very shitty of her to just drop you with no notice shortly afterwards.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/12/2019 22:18

at least wish her well poor woman!

What for? She hasn't announced a terminal illness, she just wanted to go back home and the OP inadvertently covered her air fare. The least she could have done is work a period of notice so the OP could find a replacement. I wish her next employers well...

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 26/12/2019 22:19

Just as a matter of interest - what bonuses, if any, did you and your DH get paid in your above-living-wage jobs?

NomNomNomNom · 26/12/2019 22:25

It's a hassle for you to find someone else (at least she wasn't a full time nanny) but for her to probably makes a huge difference to be back among family. About the bonus she probably thought she needed it more than you did so didn't bother not accepting it. (Not sure how you don't accept an online payment anyway).

Janus · 26/12/2019 22:27

So by your maths she was paid £10 an hour for all the housework and looking after children and that’s above London wage, she pays her own travel and tax out of this, is it really that well paid for London?? I don’t think it is in all honesty. The £200 bonus is kind and generous but may well be what she thought she deserved too (just my thoughts)?

SourAndSnippy · 26/12/2019 22:30

I can see why you are feeling annoyed but I don’t think you can blame the OP/nanny. It’s just one of those things. You gave too much for a first Xmas bonus but no real harm done,

I give great Xmas bonuses to my cleaner and I think it helps ‘buy’ loyalty. It also shows respect and gratitude for all their hard work.

Katrinawaves · 26/12/2019 22:35

Served you right for paying a nanny cash in hand. HMRC are really clear that regular nannies (unlike one off babysitters) are never self employed and if you have one you are required to pay tax, national insurance and pension contributions for them.

Next time do things by the book and you may be more likely to engender some loyalty

Sillyscrabblegames · 26/12/2019 22:37

No idea why you would pay her 200 bonus. That's crazy sorry! I assume you didn't offer it on condition of staying in your country so yabu

bridgetreilly · 26/12/2019 22:37

YABU. She's freelance, she's entitled to leave with no notice. If you want more loyalty, employ someone with a contract.

Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 22:38

So by your maths she was paid £10 an hour for all the housework and looking after children and that’s above London wage, she pays her own travel and tax out of this, is it really that well paid for London?? I don’t think it is in all honesty

I paid her £12 ph.

OP posts:
Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 22:39

Just as a matter of interest - what bonuses, if any, did you and your DH get paid in your above-living-wage jobs?

None.

OP posts:
jakeyboy1 · 26/12/2019 22:40

£200 bonus? Wtf!
My cleaner gets a bottle of vodka and bloody loves it!
YABU for giving someone a £200 bonus. I work for a global company and some of my team don't get that for full time work! She can't help wanting to return home but she should have given some notice.

LittleBearPad · 26/12/2019 22:41

It was your decision to give her so much. If you want more notice you need a contract in place.

bluebell34567 · 26/12/2019 22:42

she's got the money to return home now.

beautifulstranger101 · 26/12/2019 22:43

Yes, I think she was rude.

Actionhasmagic · 26/12/2019 22:44

We have our cleaner £100 Bonus this teareven though we are moving areas and she won’t be our cleaner anymore

MarshaBradyo · 26/12/2019 22:50

She must have been very keen to go home and with the bonus she could afford to.

It’s not great for you but the bonus is more for work done rather than you must stay.

bbcessex · 26/12/2019 22:51

I think the amount was a bit OTT, OP, but it was kind of you to do it.

We've had the same cleaner for 8 years.. she does 6 hours per week for us for £75 per week. I give her 1 week's pay as bonus at Christmas, plus some fizz and chocolates. I wouldn't go over that.

In your situation, I think the housekeeper has taken you and your generosity for a bit of a ride, sadly.

.

Babynamechangerr · 26/12/2019 22:55

I think it's just a lesson learned. I think a bonus of that level of generosity if given at all should be for those who have been working for you for years so are 'part of the family', which is not someone who's been with you for six months. It's shit that she's given you not very much notice after you being so nice, but that's obviously what suits her and people ultimately look after their own needs first.

Stefoscope · 26/12/2019 22:57

It's quite cheeky of her to take the bonus then leave you in the lurch. When I used to work for a bank it was written in our contract that they could reclaim your bonus from you if you left before the end of the year.

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