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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave nanny/housekeeper a generous Christmas bonus. Now she’s ditched me!

142 replies

DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:15

So, I gave my nanny/housekeeper a very nice Christmas bonus. She was supposed to come the day before Christmas Eve but rang in sick so I had to send the bonus by online banking. Happy to do so. She replied by text thanking me. Today, three days later, she has texted me to say she had decided to return to her home country and won’t be able to come to me again.

We have had a good relationship. She’s been coming to me for 6 months.

We do not have a contract. She is freelance and sorts her own tax. She works 10 hours for me and has four other jobs.

By nanny/housekeeper I mean she does all the housework and watches the DCs a bit but rarely sole care.

My Aibu is that I think she is a bit cheeky to accept the bonus which was paid to her on the 24th then announce this two days later.

Weekly I pay her above the London living wage for ten hours.

The bonus was £200.

OP posts:
BIWI · 27/12/2019 10:43

This

I’m not a company employing hundreds. We’re just a family.

... is where you're going wrong. As soon as you employ someone, it's not personal it's a business issue.

If you don't want to be let down at the last minute, then you need a contract of employment in place.

She was freelance so has every right to walk away whenever she wants to.

It was kind of you to give her a bonus, but I doubt very much that has had anything to do with her leaving you - other than she can probably afford an airline ticket now!

You are the family, she (and your next nanny/housekeeper) are employed by you. They are not part of your family, no matter how nicely you treat them.

fastliving · 27/12/2019 11:06

I don't think £200 is amazingly generous, especially as you benefit from paying her cash in hand and therefore avoid employers NI, holiday etc.

foodandwine89 · 27/12/2019 11:07

YABU.

She's freelance. If you want notice period, you give her a contract. If she had told you she was planning to leave in a few months, she would risk you getting rid of her right away since she doesn't have a contract.

Bonus is for work already done.

Her leaving the country was already planned.

Although agree it was rubbish of her to call in sick.

Stefoscope · 27/12/2019 11:10

'If you don't want to be let down at the last minute, then you need a contract of employment in place'. A contract isn't likely to make a difference. This year we had a member of staff just jack in working for us with no notice. After regularly telling ourselves and the customers how much she loved the job, how we were good employers to work for and how it was the best job she'd ever had. Sometimes you just don't know the full story. A small business is highly unlikely to go to the expense and effort to sue someone for breach of contract for not working their notice. In this case would the OP really have tracked the nanny down overseas to sue her?

It's part and parcel of being an employer. Sadly you can never 100% rely on anyone but yourself and no amount of bonuses and contracts will change that. Perhaps questioning a bit more at the interview stage about how long they would be looking to work for you would help. We don't see our workplace as being a long term career aspiration for most people, so are quite open about that at interview. Most people have given us notice and in 10 years we've just had one person stop showing up to work.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 27/12/2019 11:20

You were paying a nanny/housekeeper £12ph on a self employed basis?! In London? That's fuck-all! Most n/hk would command more net. £200 was a drop in the bloody bucket. And if she was doing regular, consistent hours set by you each week it's arguable that she was legally your employee and you should have been paying her tax.

As a self employed individual she has every right to tell you that she is not taking any more work from you with no notice. If you want consistency and notice, get a contract and pay employer's tax and NI like everyone else.

amaryl · 27/12/2019 17:33

Bonus doesn’t buy her loyalty
It’s just a job that she can leave any time if there’s no contract

FelicisNox · 27/12/2019 17:55

I get why you're peeved because it is a bit cheeky BUT, that bonus was for services rendered.

We're not silly, we know good cleaners are hard to find and the bonus was an incentive to stay but she clearly already had plans to go home.

In future, do not bonus anyone who has worked under a year and ideally, have some sort of contract. Even as a freelancer I would provide ST contracts.

Lesson learned. Right now I wish I was your cleaner and I wouldn't leave the country. Grin

wildchild554 · 27/12/2019 18:16

could it be anything to do with the election and brexit? Our family doctor has left the country due to Brexit, I was shocked when she said she was leaving and why. Hit us hard too as our youngest has learnt to trust her and since then not been able to get him into a doctors because he can't cope with new people and horendous meltdowns.

RoisinXena · 27/12/2019 18:16

She had NO contract therefore it works both ways. OP could stop employing her without notice, she has the right to terminate at any time with no notice.

RoisinXena · 27/12/2019 18:21

If she has four clients she works more than 10 hours a week.

thehorseandhisboy · 27/12/2019 18:22

It was a generous bonus for the work she had already done, but that's the risk if you hire someone without a contract.

If you hadn't liked her or your family circumstances suddenly changed, you could have just let her go with no notice and no pay.

It's just the way things go sometimes.

If you're a good employer and pay well, I'm sure that you'll have no problem finding someone else.

JustMe9 · 27/12/2019 18:41

No wonder she went back to Spain. After all this brexit B S she will earn loads more there than in the UK anyway. Besides, 12£/h is a joke not a wage in London!! Well done for this woman leaving. Hopefully more fellow europeans will follow the same route and run away from this sinking ship :)

Carriecakes80 · 27/12/2019 18:56

What if she had personal problems that she felt she was unable to disclose, or unwilling? You weren't the be all and end all, we work to live not live to work don't we? And in my eyes a bonus is paid for work already done, as a bonus extra to say thank you, not a way to bribe her to stay with you?? You are sounding a little entitled...Wish her well and good luck finding someone who maybe you could draw up a contract with so you don't get left in the lurch. x

Toomuchtrouble4me · 27/12/2019 19:09

It’s cheeky but maybe the bonus made leaving possible?

angelfacecuti75 · 28/12/2019 00:25

To be honest yes it was ott...get why you are annoyed but if she'd really wanted to go she'd have gone anyway....there would be nothing you could have done to stop her....sings song "money can't buy you looove"

Eva2020 · 28/12/2019 00:37

200 quid isnt a fortune esp in London. Im sure she worked hard for it. Poor sod is working her butt off. Wish her all the best, ask if she can recommend someone.

Catsinthecupboard · 28/12/2019 08:35

She is not a slave! She had every right to go home. The amount of work you describe sounds soul crushing. "Above the living wage" is hardly that is it? Not if she is working several jobs. She did not have life pf her own, she was spending all of her time taking care of you And others!

I think that the real question is: did you pay her for work well done or bc you expected her to continue to work for you (a basic bribe)?

I was in similar position when I was young (away from home, long hours, poor living conditions) All that I desired was my home and family.
She owed you no allegiance; she was an employee. You paid her a normal bonus and she moved home. You are being cheeky thinking she owes you anything outside of a job well done.

Danni12 · 28/12/2019 09:09

Maybe she got home sick. Without a contract really she can up and leave with no notice. I think the bonus is separate and is a thank you for work done

brendansbuddy · 28/12/2019 09:11

Spot on Cressida. You don't sound a great employer and you do unfortunately sound rather entitled. Proper terms and protections work both ways and your employee was far more vulnerable than you. So it's hard to sympathize.

tttigress · 28/12/2019 09:26

"sorts out her own tax" lol

I think £200 was a bit on the steep side for someone you have worked with for 6 months for 10 hours a week. But not totally off the spectrum.

I guess that's the disadvantage of have an informal arrangement with someone, there is flexibility on both sides.

nannykatherine · 28/12/2019 09:26

as you mention she is freelance and doesn’t have a contract . therefore i expect she doesn’t get holiday or sick pay etc ...
plus isn’t a bonus a reward for her hard work that last year ?
as a freelancer it’s up to her when she quits without notice .
if you want a more stable arrangement then employ someone by paying their tax and having a contract .

savethecat · 28/12/2019 09:40

Bonus wasn't that much imo

LesLavandes · 28/12/2019 09:51

I work in retail and earn minimum wage. I work bloody hard. Now I realise It's not worth getting out of bed for

Radardodgingninga · 28/12/2019 09:56

I agree that it’s perfectly normal for people to remain in a job until bonuses are paid and then leave. It doesn’t make any difference whether it’s a multinational company or a situation like yours. You work hard all year (or for 6 months) to earn the bonus. You shouldn’t then have to stay on longer to appease your employer. As PP have said, it’s not a retainer.

CauliflowerBalti · 28/12/2019 10:07

It’s annoying but as others have said, the bonus was for the work she had done. You’d hope it means she has loyalty - if you WERE a business, bonuses are used as a retention tool - but ultimately she can leave when she wants. It’s awful timing and I bet she feels rubbish, but the fact is you could afford to give it and it’s gone now and all you can do is move on. (If I was an immigrant in the UK right now i think I’d be feeling homesick and wanting to get back too...)