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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave nanny/housekeeper a generous Christmas bonus. Now she’s ditched me!

142 replies

DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:15

So, I gave my nanny/housekeeper a very nice Christmas bonus. She was supposed to come the day before Christmas Eve but rang in sick so I had to send the bonus by online banking. Happy to do so. She replied by text thanking me. Today, three days later, she has texted me to say she had decided to return to her home country and won’t be able to come to me again.

We have had a good relationship. She’s been coming to me for 6 months.

We do not have a contract. She is freelance and sorts her own tax. She works 10 hours for me and has four other jobs.

By nanny/housekeeper I mean she does all the housework and watches the DCs a bit but rarely sole care.

My Aibu is that I think she is a bit cheeky to accept the bonus which was paid to her on the 24th then announce this two days later.

Weekly I pay her above the London living wage for ten hours.

The bonus was £200.

OP posts:
ElluesPichulobu · 27/12/2019 06:28

no sorry yabu. the bonus was a nice thing to do but wasn't given with any strings attached. it is perfectly reasonable to pay a basic wage as the main agreement and then top it up with a bonus if you happy with the work done. on £10 ph and 10h pw for 6 months, a £200 bonus effectively uplifts the wage from £10 ph to £10.77 - nice but hardly revolutionary.

it's a shame she gave you no notice but you had no contract so can't expect any.

next time, hire with a contract and do things properly (including tax and NI)

ElluesPichulobu · 27/12/2019 06:33

missed that it was £12ph. so that bonus was effectively a retrospective pay rise to £12.64 for a job well done. still not masses.

sounds like her life was pretty shitty and your bonus paid for her to escape. that's a good thing. be happy for her.

Cremebrule · 27/12/2019 06:48

If you didn’t have a contract she can do what she wants including leaving at short notice. Freelance or not, you should have had a contract if you were expecting regular hours etc. Was she even DBS checked?
That arrangement was always going to cause you problems. Also if she wasn’t ever sole charge, you shouldn’t really have an issue with childcare. What was she doing for 10 hours?

Her rate of pay was on the low side. I’m not London but my cleaner is on £12 an hour excluding agency fees. House keepers would be more. You’ve had a good deal up until now so I suspect if you get someone with proper paperwork you’ll be paying more so don’t see the £200 as a bonus but average if out.

Omashu · 27/12/2019 06:57

Where do I apply? Grin

MalarkeyMouse · 27/12/2019 07:01

Wow, 75% saying YABU Shock

YANBU - she is rude and I'm guessing she won't be requiring a reference any time soon.

I think your bonus probably allowed her to buy the flight home.

mintyr · 27/12/2019 07:06

Maybe because of the bonus she is able to go to her home country.

Undercoverdetective · 27/12/2019 07:24

A Nanny job in London starts at £12 net. If she really was paying her NI and tax then 12 an hour is a really low rate to pay.
It was kind to give a bonus but it might be better in future to pay people properly and use a contract to give them job security and a pension.
She might have felt homesick being away for Christmas and her bonuses meant she could go home. That's nice for her. You could view it that you did something nice for her and feel warm and generous about your gift instead of angry.

KaptainKaveman · 27/12/2019 07:35

At a meagre £12 per hour I doubt she felt she owed you any loyalty, OP.

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/12/2019 07:39

I pay my cleaner more like £15/hr in London.

£200 is a nice bonus, but she can do better than £12/hr so she is.

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2019 07:42

You gave a bonus based on her previous work, not her future work. Surely if she is freelance it’s not a bonus but a tip

Insideimsprinting · 27/12/2019 07:59

Op I own a small business with my husband. I get that to your upset at this. If its one hard lesson we learnt its that you can't fully rely on staff.
We eventually could afford to employ after years of no help. We were so happy when things started falling in to place. We started having time together especially over Christmas and during summer. Help when one of us was sick.
However we have had several occasions where we have been let down, going to work sick to cover illness as other staff could not cover. Trips away cancelled for same reason people wanting job and saying theyre happy with hours but then moaning and bitching behind our backs. Others who moan when wr take timd off or are off sick.
We are a small business and stuff like this is a big kick in the balls especially as we are a young family with one person with health issues which came about from stress strangly from the business.
We now wish we we scaled back and didn't employ at all, we wouldn't have made as much but it would be much less stressful and not ended up as disappointed in people.

InTheBleakMidwinterIWouldSing · 27/12/2019 08:07

I don’t know why anyone would be surprised that a self-employed and low-paid Spanish nanny would suddenly decide to leave the UK on the eve of Brexit amid the “hostile environment”. Hmm

snapcrap · 27/12/2019 08:07

I'd try and put yourself in her shoes. You can afford to have a cleaner and give her £200 at Christmas. She works as a cleaner and couldn't afford money to go home. Don't begrudge it. Count your blessings!
She's done what's right for her and even if she wrestled with herself over the bonus over whether to offer to return it, she landed on the side of 'fuck it, I could bloody do with this money'. And agree with others, a bonus is for work for previous months, it's not a golden handcuffs.

snapcrap · 27/12/2019 08:10

^Sorry meant nanny not cleaner

Suebnm · 27/12/2019 08:21

I don't think you're being unfair at all OP.

Surely it would be good manners to tell the OP that she, the nanny, was fucking off. Surely she didn't just decide the day before she didn't want to live in the UK anymore. I think the nanny was being rude and inconsiderate.

Would you OP just have told the nanny you didn't want her anymore and given her no notice? I bet not.

Her0utdoors · 27/12/2019 08:21

Totally her prerogative, yabu.
Once bitten, twice shy. Ask your next house keeper for a contract.

Santasleftboot · 27/12/2019 08:25

More fool you for giving such a big bonus

If you can't afford it, then you shouldn't have given it.

But I suspect you could afford it - so what the hey? What's done is done

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/12/2019 08:36

I don’t know why anyone would be surprised that a self-employed and low-paid Spanish nanny would suddenly decide to leave the UK on the eve of Brexit amid the “hostile environment”.

Now, why would you bring Brexit into this? Do you realise that Spain has double digit unemployment and major political strife?

Soffy · 27/12/2019 08:40

It's a bit rude but goes with the territory if you pay cash in hand without a contract.

ElbasAbsentPenis · 27/12/2019 08:57

Another one here saying for God’s sake let it go and count your blessings. I don’t think you were as generous as you like to think; London Living Wage is not much, particularly for someone who’s watching your DC and doing housework as well as general cleaning. When I was in London I paid my cleaner £15 an hour for 3 hours a week and gave her a £100 Christmas bonus every year. This was the going rate among people I knew in NE London. A bonus is for work paid and she was within her rights to leave if you didn’t have a contracted notice period.

RantyAnty · 27/12/2019 09:06

You expected loyalty from her when you couldn't bother to pay her a fair wage and a contract. You gave her a bonus for doing a good job.

She had the right to leave at any time so don't understand why you're upset. Surely you can clean your own house until you find someone else.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/12/2019 09:28

She wasn’t really a Nanny/Housekeeper though was she?
She worked limited hours, no contract etc.

keepingbees · 27/12/2019 09:30

It's unfortunate but she was obviously planning it before you paid the bonus, which you transferred into her bank she didn't 'accept' as such.
I agree it's paid for the work she's already done too. If she'd left you in a month or two down the line it would be no different. I can see why you're peeved though.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 09:31

It's not cheeky. She doesn't have a contract. She isn't required to give you any notice. Yoi gave her a bonus for her previous work. It was not a retainer, or did you think it was?

Hellabove5 · 27/12/2019 09:34

If you think £200 is excessive, I'm a nanny for a family and I recieved a £1,000 bonus.
I've nannied for years and the bonus amounts range between £250 to £1k that I have recieved.
To be honest, as a nanny it isnt the amount of money we receive, it's the feeling of being appreciated and valued. So many families see a nanny as just a worker, when really we are part of the family. We spent 10 to 12 hours a day with their precious children, raising them up to be strong, smart, courageous adults for the future. So I think OP gave what she thought was best for the 6 months her nanny worked for her.
It is a shame that the nanny has let the family down but situations happen. Children are so adaptable.