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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gave nanny/housekeeper a generous Christmas bonus. Now she’s ditched me!

142 replies

DuchessofWoke · 26/12/2019 21:15

So, I gave my nanny/housekeeper a very nice Christmas bonus. She was supposed to come the day before Christmas Eve but rang in sick so I had to send the bonus by online banking. Happy to do so. She replied by text thanking me. Today, three days later, she has texted me to say she had decided to return to her home country and won’t be able to come to me again.

We have had a good relationship. She’s been coming to me for 6 months.

We do not have a contract. She is freelance and sorts her own tax. She works 10 hours for me and has four other jobs.

By nanny/housekeeper I mean she does all the housework and watches the DCs a bit but rarely sole care.

My Aibu is that I think she is a bit cheeky to accept the bonus which was paid to her on the 24th then announce this two days later.

Weekly I pay her above the London living wage for ten hours.

The bonus was £200.

OP posts:
stealthbanana · 26/12/2019 23:02

Very cheeky. But I guess you just have to roll with it. Is she Filipino? Can you ask her to recommend someone else - they usually have great networks and it’s likely she’ll have a friend (who will likely be happy to work with you given you now have a rep as a generous employer! Grin)

Ps to those asking why she isn’t PAYE - she works 10 hours a week! Perfectly legal and reasonable for her to be self employed.

YellWat · 26/12/2019 23:02

If you want loyalty, notice periods and all that jazz, then you need to have a contract, pay tax and NI and do it all above board.

You've saved money by not paying it all properly and in accordance with HMRC rules so I don't think you can begrudge the bonus.

Havaina · 26/12/2019 23:04

Technically she didn't do anything wrong but I can see it left a sour taste in your mouth.

I wouldn't be doing her any favours.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 26/12/2019 23:09

I don’t really see how it’s cheeky to accept a bonus for work already done if she is leaving. Either you appreciated her work and thought it worthy of bonus or you didn’t. In which case you shouldn’t have given the bonus. If you had wanted to secure her future services you should have offered a pay rise and asked for a contract.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 26/12/2019 23:12

I wouldn't be doing her any favours.

😂😂😂

Why would she need any? Confused she’s left the country.

MrsPworkingmummy · 26/12/2019 23:41

Oh dear, I'm feeling incredibly stingy after only leaving a nice bottle of wine for my cleaner. I do think £12 in London is too low for an hourly rate. I pay £14 an hour for my cleaner and we're in the North East.

Havaina · 26/12/2019 23:50

Why would she need any? confused she’s left the country.

Requests for references, paperwork, work if she comes back to the country etc.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 27/12/2019 00:02

Requests for references

She had at least 4 other clients.

paperwork

What paperwork?

Havaina · 27/12/2019 00:21

@WireBrush are you the nanny?! Grin

I made a throwaway comment that I wouldn’t be doing her any favours. Not sure why this necessitates a third degree on what those favours may be!

BackforGood · 27/12/2019 00:31

If you want notice periods etc then you need to have a contract in place.

If you are happy working week to week with verbal and text conversations, then that goes both ways - you could have dropped her at a day's notice and she can drop you at a day's notice.

I agree with everyone else that a Christmas present (or 'bonus' as you have called it) is a thank you for the work she has already done - it has nothing to do with her future work. You seem to have been ridiculously generous with that, (but maybe that reflects your family income, or bonus's you received from work ??).

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 27/12/2019 00:38

are you the nanny?!

Hmm because only nannies can spot comments that make no sense and just come across as a bitchy sneer?

I made a throwaway comment that I wouldn’t be doing her any favours.

You made a comment that belies your attitude to domestic staff.

Not sure why this necessitates a third degree on what those favours may be!

I was asking you to explain your comment as it made no sense. Other than to highlight your elevated sense of self that you believe the woman would have any need of you.

Havaina · 27/12/2019 00:47

@WireBrush you’re barking up the wrong tree and and massively projecting.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 27/12/2019 00:50

Sure.

tava63 · 27/12/2019 00:53

If she worked 10 hours a week for you I am pretty sure she would likely meet the legal definition of being your employee.

motherheroic · 27/12/2019 00:53

She had four other jobs? No wonder she took the bonus and fucked off.

motherheroic · 27/12/2019 00:55

I would absolutely be rushing back home if I needed to work four jobs.

BackforGood · 27/12/2019 01:02

Of course, for all we knew, she had news from home about someone being ill, someone dying, or someone needing her there - it might not be that she had planned to go home at this point.

alexdgr8 · 27/12/2019 01:05

I have more sympathy with the worker than the OP.

she probably comes from a country and family situation which is much more impoverished than we can even imagine.
such people work really hard, all their lives, just to survive and enable their parents etc back home to survive. some of the poorest countries have the most expensive medicines, healthcare etc.
be grateful OP that you live a life where you can weigh up whether that £200 was worth the investment. really, do you think you will regret doing it, when at the end of your life. no? forget it.

Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 27/12/2019 01:10

I would absolutely be rushing back home if I needed to work four jobs

Perhaps you don’t understand freelancing.

OP posts:
Original poster
DuchessofWoke · 27/12/2019 01:12

she probably comes from a country and family situation which is much more impoverished than we can even imagine. such people work really hard, all their lives, just to survive and enable their parents etc back home to survive. some of the poorest countries have the most expensive medicines, healthcare etc

She’s from Spain.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 27/12/2019 01:20

Meh, I think most people would be somewhat aggrieved if this happened to them, I don't think it makes them terrible human beings.

I think you should spread out the bonuses a bit though/ pay a bit more regularly as that makes it a bit more reliable and I reckon it'll encourage people to stay.

People are less likely to stay on the off chance they'll get a generous surprise one off bonus, but they might if they'd be regularly better off.

Pointersview · 27/12/2019 01:43

Lots of Europeans are returning home now. It's a very unsettling time , this could possibly explain why she decided to return at such notice.

motherheroic · 27/12/2019 05:36

@DuchessofWoke Perhaps she left you because you're condescending.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2019 06:05

I live considerably further north than London and pay my cleanse £15 an hour. £12 is a pittance. On this alone yabu. As others said, it sounds as if this was cash in hand.

kateandme · 27/12/2019 06:22

i think you could be a bit mrrh at the situation and losing her so fast but not at what she has done or her for doing it.pp have expained why.
if she was this homesick.and living in our country at the moment is so uncertain and more so for people from other countrys then why not see it as infact youve just helped her get home.which is for whatever reason where she needs or wants to be right now.
and what if youve just helped make that possible.