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AIBU?

Family Secret Santa mix up

153 replies

ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 00:19

I have two siblings, both married with two kids each. Mr Twiglet and I can’t have children of our own.

At Christmas, I buy presents for my four nephews and nieces, and for my parents. My mum and dad have had a tough year financially, so we all said no presents from them to us grown ups. Between us 6 siblings and spouses, we do Secret Santa, so only one gift to buy/ receive.

My mum is in charge of ‘drawing names’ for Secret Santa. We try to get something lovely and thoughtful that is well matched to the person. This year, something went wrong and my sister in law ended up with two gifts, as she was somehow ‘drawn’ for my sister, and my brother to get the SS gift for her. I was missed out as a result.

When we realised what had happened, it was pretty much just shrugged over with an ‘Oh well’ and I didn’t want to be petty by bringing it up.

AIBU to feel miffed that I haven’t had a single present this year?

OP posts:
ScrewThat · 26/12/2019 00:24

Did she not offer you one of her presents?

daffodilrosedaisy · 26/12/2019 00:24

that does suck but it was an accident and family time should matter more than presents anyway. Bad luck though hope you had a good day

yips · 26/12/2019 00:26

I'd be upset by that, what did SIL say? Did she offer you one of the gifts/to return one and get you something?

ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 00:26

Both the gifts were quite specific to my SiL, so I guess it would have been weird for her to give one to me.

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ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 26/12/2019 00:29

Flowers I’m sorry op, that sounds rubbish, and I’d be feeling upset as well. However, if it was a genuine accident, and not maliciously meant, I don’t think there’s much you can do. (Volunteer to be in charge of secret Santa next year?)

bookmum08 · 26/12/2019 00:31

I would laugh it off and go to the shops yourself armed with a tenner and treat yourself to something. It was a accident.

CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2019 00:33

How does your mum draw the names and let people know who they have in a way that would mean this would be possible?!?!

ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 00:37

Thank you all for your calm voices of reason :) I think I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Calleigh, I honestly don’t know. She draws the names and sends a text to each of us in October, so she texted two people to say they were buying for SiL without realising.

OP posts:
GlitteryGracie · 26/12/2019 00:39

Ah snap op, exactly the same here..., except the one person who got two did share, which was kind of her but nothing I could remotely use. It's upsetting that they shrugged it off, can you treat yourself to something tomorrow?

SyrilSneer · 26/12/2019 00:40

I’d feel crap too. Next year use a random generator online!

NC4Now · 26/12/2019 00:43

Did Mr Twiglet not get you anything? I'd see his things as my main present and Secret Santa as a bit of fun on top. It's a shame it didn't work out, but did you actually not get any Christmas presents?

CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2019 00:44

I just dont see how that was accidental???

Bigredumbrella · 26/12/2019 00:48

Ah that sucks op, take the secret santa amount & buy yourself something lovely. Next year suggest she uses an online swap generator you can also link it directly to a Amazon wish list. Could be worse my mother in law gave me a decorative tea spoon. Bonkers!. I love her so I'll let it pass & think about it when i need a laugh. Merry Christmas

ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 00:50

No, no presents from Mr T this year.

His parents are coming to ours tomorrow, so I’m sure I’ll have something to open from them :)

OP posts:
ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 00:51

Merry Christmas, bigredumbrella!

OP posts:
ScotiaNova · 26/12/2019 00:54

What did your mother say OP? I think as the one who cocked it up she should have offered to make it right for you and buy you something herself.

BlouseAndSkirt · 26/12/2019 00:54

We don’t do presents between adult siblings any more, EXCEPT where a child-free adult (like my sister) is buying for loads of nieces and nephews: I get a present for my child free sibling as they are generous to my kids.

Bigredumbrella · 26/12/2019 00:57

Also My Dh gave me 2 copies of the same book I'll happily gift wrap & send you one if you like. To be fair we had 2 unexpected additions to our family a few days ago so I'll let that go aswell. Pm me if you'd like me to pass it on. Its woman in the edge haven't read it so cant vouch for it but its yours if you'd like it

ChristmasBaubles · 26/12/2019 00:58

You are right to be disappointed! Honest mistake though, I can imagine my mum doing something similar if she was put in charge of drawing names. And if both gifts were specific to your SIL then fair enough for her to keep both.
BUT... if I was your SIL I would feel guilty and be out shopping for a gift for you first thing. Failing that, the others in the secret santa should all be chipping in for a present for you.
Do you have a sibling whatsapp group? You could send an amazon wish list link as a joke/suggestion?Smile

Creepster · 26/12/2019 01:00

This happened to me once. My cousin showed up at my house a few days later full of apologies and a gift.
I didn't care but she was humiliated because she had mixed it up.

ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 01:02

@ScotiaNova, she just shrugged and said she didn’t know how it happened.

@BlouseAndSkirt, I think that could be why I’m dwelling on it. I tried really hard to give my nephews and nieces lovely things they’ll enjoy and I’m generous with the amount I spend. The SS present is the only gift I get each year from my siblings and I normally look forward to being surprised.

OP posts:
ringletsandtwiglets · 26/12/2019 01:04

@Bigredumbrella, that’s very sweet of you to offer, but it’s okay really. Just having a silly mope ☺️

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2019 01:05

Oh dear, that sounds a bit crap for you.

Why doesn't your dh buy you a gift? I'm afraid in your shoes I would stop that tradition right now. IMHO your dh needs to make you feel special at this time of year, he needs to buy something special and thoughtful for you and you for him, IMHO.

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2019 01:09

ringletsandtwiglets I wonder if you are also feeling in some way left out of Christmas?

To me the whole not buying gifts for adults etc is something I feel that can make adults feel left out. Christmas is not just about children or people who have children.

IMHO if your parents don't want to buy you a gift, or cannot afford to, that's between you and them but it doesn't seem fair you are expected to buy gifts for nieces/nephews and no one gets a gift for you except one Secret Santa gift.

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2019 01:10

I bought my Godson the same book two years running. I made up for it by buying something else.

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