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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am dreading tomorrow because of religion!

398 replies

StinkyXmasCheese · 24/12/2019 21:01

Dreading tomorrow with my family.
They are all strong in their faith Christians and I know there will be praying and thanking god etc.
I was brought up Christian but am no longer and I'm actually quite angry about religion at the moment. (Working through these issues with my counsellor.)
I know Christmas is a Christian holiday but I know I can't have a drink or I'll say something to cause an argument and I have to bite my tongue.
I've already said to dh that we're going away for Xmas next year cos I just don't want to deal with it.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the day without letting something slip!

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 24/12/2019 22:36

Christmas is when christians celebrate the birth of Christ.
If you do not want to believe in this then that is your choice.
But it would be wrong to go when you do not believe in this . Just do what you do believe in.
You do seem to have serious anger issues.
Hoping you and everyone else has a nice day tomorrow.

dworky · 24/12/2019 22:41

Christmas is technically for practising Christians
Midwinter festival hijacked by Christians.

ilikemethewayiam · 24/12/2019 22:45

I’m so glad that all my friends and family are not religious. I don’t personally know anyone who is, so I don’t have to deal with any of this. I really don’t know how I would handle it. I simply have nothing in common with those people and just can’t relate to their beliefs so I would probably feel the same way OP. I would be very bored and make my excuses to leave as soon as I could. Can you just show your face then leave?

Thoughtlessinengland · 24/12/2019 22:46

If you can’t control yourself may I suggest you leave this thread and mumsnet.

Mwahahahhahahahaha!!! Oh dearie me. Who the hell do you think you are to ask people to leave Mumsnet?! Jesus wept. GrinCrown Grin

Growingboys · 24/12/2019 22:52

OP rein it in for everyone else's sake. So what if you think it's all bollocks? You enjoy Halloween presumably? Watching films? They're all bollocks too and you don't ruin those for everyone else because you don't believe in them.

Get a grip.

Pixxie7 · 24/12/2019 22:53

How do you know god isn’t real nobody knows for sure. Don’t get me wrong I have similar views to you but you sound so sure.

missyB1 · 24/12/2019 22:53

Pp was right this is spoilt brat behaviour. And a total first world problem.

BahBloodyHumbug · 24/12/2019 22:57

Christmas is when christians celebrate the birth of Christ.
If you do not want to believe in this then that is your choice.
But it would be wrong to go when you do not believe in this . Just do what you do believe in.

Christmas is both a secular and a religious holiday.
Either way its an overrated holiday ruined by greed.
I hope you can enjoy your time with your family, OP.
Maybe when they pray or talk religion you could try to recite all the times tables in your head- I struggle with maths and that keeps me occupied for a longish time if I don't want to speak out of turn!

Genzeee · 24/12/2019 23:00

I despise religion and love a good debate but even I wouldn’t say anything. I wouldn’t pray though but I’d let them get on with it

pandapop17 · 24/12/2019 23:01

@StinkyXmasCheese YANBU and people who say you are have no idea what it’s like to grow up with strong Christian parents. I was taught that the bible was all true and that heaven and hell are real. It’s a cruel way to bring up children and I am also having counselling to deal with the trauma. I refuse to go to church with my parents Xmas day and it’s very stressful. Please don’t let people make you feel guilty. It’s tough going from people very religious to non religious. People who think it’s all harmless and just a matter of opinion have no idea!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/12/2019 23:02

I know many Christians brought up in similar households who think the same. Their lives were unnecessarily curtailed and restricted because of their parents’ often quite wacky religious beliefs, and in some cases holier-than-though piousness. Personally I’d go, get hammered and start an argument :), or not go and have a godless good time :). Hope it’s not the free church. Massive party-killers that bunch.

Lellikelly26 · 24/12/2019 23:04

Religion is what people have done to God. Try to ignore it and rise above their nonsense

Cruddles · 24/12/2019 23:07

are you aware but you sound extremely unpleasant and rude. If you can’t control yourself may I suggest you leave this thread and mumsnet

Yeah ok Mrs Bucket

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 24/12/2019 23:26

For all the people responding to me I agree I went to far in telling the poster in question to leave mumsnet.

TW2013 · 24/12/2019 23:36

Find a nice water bottle, fill with wine, announce what a lovely gift it was from dh, put in downstairs cloakroom, visit it and sip from it regularly.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 24/12/2019 23:36

Takethebuscuit

You nearly owed me an iPad. That video made me want to put my fist through the screen.

Crazycrazylady · 24/12/2019 23:38

Honestly they brought you up with their beliefs as did their parents to them. They absolutely didn't set out to 'trick' you. I think there might be bigger issues at play here. Lots of people today abandon their parents religious beliefs and they don't have this rage that you appear to have . I think you should talk to a therapist and maybe get some help.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 24/12/2019 23:53

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude erm why?

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 24/12/2019 23:57

I understand how you feel. It's been a tough year and I really can't face church tomorrow despite my family going.

NoCleanClothes · 25/12/2019 00:01

I know Christmas is a Christian holiday

To be fair this isn't actually true. OP I sympathise - when you have unresolved issues with your family Christmas is a difficult time. Do they know you're not religious? (Not that Christmas would be an appropriate time to tell them if they don't already know). If they do I think it's fine to be respectful without joining in with praying etc. If not can you try to reimagine the praying stuff as a mindfulness/meditation exercise - practise deep breathing. As for thanking god use that for being grateful in general?

KareyHunt · 25/12/2019 01:57

@Moondust001

You are not "right" and neither are they

Well that's wrong! One of them is right. Whether the god of Abraham exists or not is a question of objective fact. It doesn't depend on what you believe.

(I'm with the original poster on this by the way, the answer seems pretty bloody obvious to me.)

donquixotedelamancha · 25/12/2019 02:58

Well, technically it isn’t at all....

Oh FFS. Roman paganism has not existed for centuries. Nicking the date does not make Christmas a pagan festival.

This is like someone saying 'technically birds are all dinosaurs' in a discussion about how long to baste the turkey.

TileFloors · 25/12/2019 07:34

OP, I’m a Christian (I’m going to four services this Christmas Eve/Christmas Day), and I get where you’re coming from. I’m now a moderate Christian, which doesn’t mean I hold my beliefs any less or believe the essentials of the faith to be any less true, just that they are broader and more compassionate beliefs.

But I grew up with Christian fundamentalist parents and it really scarred me. Growing up with the constant threat of hell for normal childhood naughtiness is horrible and terrifying, as is having said naughtiness or simply doing something they disagreed with put down to satanic influence. Perhaps the worst thing though was feeling completely isolated from the other kids at school because I truly believed they were all going to hell and it was my job to convert them.

I spent a lot of my 20s feeling very damaged by this upbringing, very angry as you describe, and was a vehement atheist for a while. I’ll spare you the rest of my journey, but the anger did pass eventually. I have now come to the realisation that my parents are very damaged people who used fundamentalist religion as a crutch for some difficult personality issues and traumatic life events. Sadly the crutch has failed them in old age and they are now alone, bitter, and nasty. They no longer even go to church, but they are just the same as ever they were or worse.

I can certainly understand that being around your parents’ Christianity might be difficult or even traumatising for you if you had a particularly bad dose of it growing up. I would echo what others say about taking breaks, deep breath and count to 10, and so on. I think the way through this for you, with therapy or whatever else helps, will eventually be to find your own spiritual path, or belief structure and way of making meaning in the world, whatever that looks like, which might well not be religious.

I can understand and identify with the sense of having your world and identity overturned when you realise your parents’ worldview is bonkers and harmful. Now you have the chance to build your own, which is exciting as well as difficult and sometimes painful. I wish you well, and happy Christmas.

KatherineJaneway · 25/12/2019 07:40

Stay away from my family at Xmas. Yes that will certainly help relations between us won't it.

Doesn't sounds like relations are that great anyway...

PhoneLock · 25/12/2019 07:43

Midwinter festival hijacked by Christians.

Not really. Christmas is just at the same time.

There is absolutely nothing to stop anybody celebrating their own festival, old or new, at the same time.

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