Not kissing baby - AIBU with PFB?

[PalominoPony0]

38 weeks pregnant, FTM. Baby is expected to be early and imminent.

DH and I were discussing how much NHS advice has changed since our parents had us. As an example, MIL refuses to believe ebf babies receive adequate nutrition because that's what she was lead to believe 35 + years ago.

I said to DH that everyone is welcome to their opinion but ultimately as long as they respect current, up to date rules (washing hands, not kissing her face/mouth, not vaping around her (MIL), not coming over if poorly), I have no issue.

He agrees but says that I'm being "irrational, hormonal and anal" asking people not to kiss her face/mouth area. I reminded him of the midwife's advice at our NCT class plus showed him articles etc online which he's completely dismissed because he apparently kissed his now 10year old nephew as a newborn, who was never sick or sorry. He said that there is no way I can police who can kiss her and people will want to do just that. I argued it's general advice that most people are now aware of and if they don't like it, they don't spend time with her. It's quite simple.

I'm so desperate to be the best mother I can be to my baby and it's really stressing me that DH would treat such a basic guideline with such disregard.

Am I being "irrational, hormonal and anal", ultimately U - or not?

I asked people not to kiss my baby on her mouth and they didn't.

I have a brand new grandson and would not kiss him on the mouth, do you think your MIL will?

Do people kiss babies mouths? I've never seen that but everyone loves big fat squidgy baby cheeks and they are hard to resist. Are people still allowed to blow raspberries? Washing hands and not vaping/smoking around a baby is just common sense.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, exactly, but I do find it odd that you’d object to people (close friends and relatives) kissing your baby’s face. That’s not advice I’ve ever heard, and you stressing about it all is definitely not very good for your baby. This might be an area for compromise with your DH, somehow (though I’m not sure how!).

Kissing a baby on the mouth is a bit odd! Most people would probably kiss the baby on his/her head in my experience. I don't think I would have been keen on a mouth kiss, but head/forehead is more usual.

Your Mil is just fucking stupid my ds was totally breast fed for six months totally following NHS advice.

No you're not. It's hardly like you're saying they have to wear a hazmat suit or view the baby through glass. It's your baby, its kind of in the job description that you police what people can do to it! Did he call the NCT leader or the midwife irrational or hormonal or anal?
To be honest there are going to be a lot of things you disagree on as parents, but I don't really like the sound of how he is talking to you. Irrational - well not really since a lot of diseases are spread through contact with eyes / mouth so it sounds sensible to keep away from a newborns eyes and mouth (plus hands I guess since they are going to be in their eyes / mouth). But calling you anal and hormonal is pretty rude to be honest

It was certainly not the advice that BF babies wouldn’t get enough nutrition 35 years ago!

I wouldn’t kiss a baby on the mouth except my own baby but faces is fine surely. By the time DS was about a year he used to grab either side of people’s faces and attempt a full own open mouth kiss. Sometimes this would just be random mums who got in range at soft play or baby groups.

YANBU. Who kisses babies mouths?

You kiss the top of their head so you can smell their hair.

@spingly I have no idea. I hope not, but if she does, I'd like DH to back me when I'd object to it and not argue that I'm being irrational.

@SMaCM did people ever try to?

@Thelaughinggnome123 yes I know. Her "advice" has been very much ignored.

When you say washing hands, how do you intend to ensure this happens? I would find it very rude if someone asked me to wash my hands before picking up a baby. I’m not crawling with anything.

I never kissed my son on the mouth - not till he could give kisses.

His cheeks and head were always covered though.

Have the midwives in the hospital after you deliver explain to your DH and in laws the horrid dangers of kissing a new born .. the Cold sore virus is a deadly virus for new borns

Grandma can't kiss baby cheeks? I think that is a little PFB. Mouth I can totally see and the no vaping and hand washing seem reasonable.

If you are 38 weeks baby isn't really early, isn't that considered term?

No-one ever thought to kiss my baby or even try (were just happy to see / have cuddles). If they had we'd have definitely told them no though! Yanbu.

Just a disclaimer, not forever... just not as a fresh newborn!

@RiddleyW that's really interesting! I wonder if she had a rogue midwife or is lying.

@TruculentandFarty I just meant that I'm not expected to make 40 weeks, not that she'd be considered particularly early/premature.

Interesting that there's a divide, and on the washing hands too!

That was a major rule for me when my kids were babies, my aunt's 1st baby died from the cold sore virus at a week old that someone gave to him by kissing him. I wouldn't risk it

My eldest is 26 and no one ever said that ebf babies did not get enough nutrition. We did wean earlier then though.

Washing hands is common sense with a newborn as is vaping, can’t imagine missing a baby on the lips.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.livescience.com/amp/59870-newborn-herpes-infection-deadly.html

Not irrational anything that puts your newborn at risk is not to be ignored .. unless he can confirm no one he knows had a colds sore ever and therefore doesn’t carry the associated risk ...

I wouldn't kiss a baby on the mouth and I don't know anyone who would. The rest of the face/head however is fair game! It's one of life's pleasures!

However - if anyone had a cough, cold or cold sore, absolutely not.

Handwashing when brand new is reasonable.

Vaping - under no circumstances.

Or at least solids were introduced earlier , I fed all of mine for 12 months plus and never heard such advice

Just look up the recent news articles about babies who were kissed and passed coldsores and died that should do it

Noone is so entitled to kiss someone (that cannot even say if they want a kiss) that it's more important than preventing something potentially fatal happening...

@Glassmami I'm so sorry to hear about your aunts baby this is exactly what I'm scared of.

WRT breastfeeding, I genuinely do not know if MIL was lying or how she came to incorrectly believe that. She does maintain that formula is best, but DH and I have ignored her. I intend to bf for as long as I want to/feels right, hopefully exclusively for 6 months.

Would you be offended if a new mum asked you to wash hands/not kiss baby?

A couple of people told me I was unreasonable to ask them not to kiss her on the mouth, but (to my knowledge) they never tried to do it.