Not kissing baby - AIBU with PFB?

[PalominoPony0]

38 weeks pregnant, FTM. Baby is expected to be early and imminent.

DH and I were discussing how much NHS advice has changed since our parents had us. As an example, MIL refuses to believe ebf babies receive adequate nutrition because that's what she was lead to believe 35 + years ago.

I said to DH that everyone is welcome to their opinion but ultimately as long as they respect current, up to date rules (washing hands, not kissing her face/mouth, not vaping around her (MIL), not coming over if poorly), I have no issue.

He agrees but says that I'm being "irrational, hormonal and anal" asking people not to kiss her face/mouth area. I reminded him of the midwife's advice at our NCT class plus showed him articles etc online which he's completely dismissed because he apparently kissed his now 10year old nephew as a newborn, who was never sick or sorry. He said that there is no way I can police who can kiss her and people will want to do just that. I argued it's general advice that most people are now aware of and if they don't like it, they don't spend time with her. It's quite simple.

I'm so desperate to be the best mother I can be to my baby and it's really stressing me that DH would treat such a basic guideline with such disregard.

Am I being "irrational, hormonal and anal", ultimately U - or not?

I’d probably just intervene if someone had cold sores and say “don’t kiss the baby”. It’s not really normal to kiss a newborn on the lips!

Your mum, your rules should be respected, you MIL has had her babies and I am sure she made her own rules at the time too,it’s your turn now. My two were ebf too. Don’t let anyone undermine you. Many congrats and good luck, it’s an awesome journey, enjoy

Cheek ok for close family only not everyone . Mouth absolutely not . Handle newborn With respect. Not a toy but a fragile being

Absolutely not okay to kiss a newborn baby on the mouth or near the eyes- especially if you're run down. YADNBU or 'precious'.

Is kissing babies on the mouth a thing?!
I think you can do what you want with your baby. It might seem a bit precious to say no kissing but it's your child so if you're that bothered stop people. I personally think a kiss on the head is fine I'm quite surprised people would kiss a baby on the mouth tbh.

I’ve never heard of or encountered people kissing babies on the mouth, just why would you? Not only is it a risk to the baby the thought makes me cringe! All that slobber etc!
Top of the head or cheek is ok I guess but when my children were babies my non-tactile relatives never even went that far.

My in laws hate Me breastfeeding because they think tearing baby out my hands is more important. They would happily pass baby around even when ITo hungry and let it cry then let me go breastfeed.They just want more time to play with Baby whilst we run ourselves ragged with the dirty work .
U r mum . Ur rules . Full stop

Also yeah only close family on the head or cheek not any ramdom person!

I’m ebf my baby and in part your MIL is right. Bf babies should be given vitamin D supplement. It’s not something that is advertised widely but it is recommended by the nhs.

Thank you all so much. I genuinely do not have a problem with tops of heads (obviously as long as they don't have a cold/cold sore). Perhaps I will mellow when she's actually here, perhaps not, but either way I guess it's ok for me to allow my instincts to rule?

All very interesting to hear from mums that would have had DC to MIL wrt MILs breastfeeding "advice." She has had some other "interesting" ideas which we've thanked her for and "taken on board." DH is usually very precise and keen to follow official guidelines- I think he may have reacted like this because he's embarrassed he did not know about it? Im not sure. He has had a look and is happy to back me.

It's rubbish arguing about hypothetical situations on Christmas Eve but here we are...!

I think it's BU when someone expects me to want to kiss or cuddle their PFB (or any baby).
I adored my own, but find others smell "wrong" (not necessarily of dirty nappies, but that too), their "lovely fat cheeks" are often soaked in dribble and I worry they might be sick on me.

Washing hands unless sick, pram is an over reaction. Definitely no kissing on the mouth but cheeks are fine.

Washing your hands before holding a new baby is just common sense. I’ve never kissed any child, including my own, on the mouth, I don’t understand why anyone would, but I do think anywhere else on their face is a bit over the top. If asked by their mum, obviously I’d comply but I’d mentally roll my eyes.

Perhaps I will mellow when she's actually here, perhaps not, but either way I guess it's ok for me to allow my instincts to rule?
As long as your decision is genuinely based on what you feel comfortable with then it's fine, don't allow yourself to feel pressured (explicitly or implicitly because it'll be easier to avoid tension with MIL) into changing your boundaries, especially if she's someone quick to offer her opinion and guidance on how things should be with babies / is likely to be prone to overruling you or ignoring your boundaries for your children.

Washing your hands before holding a new baby is just common sense.

I didn’t really want that for my baby. I wanted people to be basically clean (not to have just scratched their bum or not washed hands after handling raw meat etc.) but other than that I wanted her to be exposed to the normal range of bacteria so she could build up her immune system.

Extra care should be taken around newborns so personally I wouldn’t want anyone kissing my baby either.

It even took me a while to kiss my own baby. The human mouth is full of germs and I wouldn’t want those germs unnecessarily around my baby

You are not being irrational you are protecting your baby.

I had pots of anti bac hand gel out for visitors which I asked them to use.

I also cancelled a recent visit to a close relative because she told me she had a cold sore and I didn't want to risk it. I won't be that strict forever but I don't want to risk it and why should I?

You will relax as time goes on but just remember your baby your rules, if they don't like it they can shove it.

Sorry PrayingandHoping I misinterpreted what you said! Ignore me

I didn’t really want that for my baby. I wanted people to be basically clean (not to have just scratched their bum or not washed hands after handling raw meat etc.) but other than that I wanted her to be exposed to the normal range of bacteria so she could build up her immune system. The normal range of bacteria in winter is cold and flu and at the moment there's a nasty norovirus going around. I'm not convinced my baby is going to have a better immune system by contracting a bug that can make them really ill.

They're not going to get to 23 and say 'you know what mum I'm really glad that you let me get norovirus and a chest infection at 9 weeks old, I'm much more robust for it'.

Hand washing is a standard hygiene thing, especially during flu season. I'd wash my hands before preparing food, so why not wash hands before handling a newborn?

The normal range of bacteria in winter is cold and flu and at the moment there's a nasty norovirus going around. I'm not convinced my baby is going to have a better immune system by contracting a bug that can make them really ill.

Obviously if someone is ill I’d expect them to stay away. I’d also expect people to wash their hands the normal amount, use tissues etc. It doesn’t particularly bother me that some people are a bit fussy about germs and so on, but my attitude is more relaxed. Everyone fine so far.

I don't know where your Mil had her children but I EBF my children 35 years ago and no one said that breast milk didn't give them enough nutrition. NHS advice then as now was to EBF if you could.

I ebf all my babies born between 1980 to 1987 and I can assure you no one believed that ebf babies didn't get enough nutrition; absolute rubbish.

Your MIL may believe that, and yes, it's true, breast feeding was discouraged but whatever the reason, it wasn't about nutrition.

As far as kissing babies goes, just tell people not to kiss your baby. You might point out to your DH the danger of someone passing on the herpes virus to new borns via a cold sore. It can be fatal for them.

Of course you're not being irrational, anal or hormonal. No one has a 'right' to kiss your baby.

The advice is there for a reason.

Obviously I'm completely inexperienced with this but personally I feel that there's plenty of time to build up immunity and that extra precaution should be taken around a baby born in cold/flu season. Again, perhaps I am being PFB. I would hate for my baby to get sick (as I appreciate they will) and wonder if it was my fault for not insisting people spritz some anti-bac/wash hands before handling her.

Also think it's a bit strange to kiss a newborn on the mouth! On the head yes but I don't know nauonw who would kiss them on the mouth. Did she say she would want to?

It’s your baby, OP. I personally think it’s OTT but then this is the time of the year when viruses seem to go round like nobody’s business, so I suppose it’s not ridiculous. I never thought it was necessary myself. After all, I handled my baby constantly without washing my hands.