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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I over reacted? DH not home ( again) but is on his way.

165 replies

Iatetotheparty · 23/12/2019 19:59

We can’t be together for Christmas as DH working. We have this evening and most of tomorrow together. We don’t get much time to ourselves so I was looking forward to this evening.

We agreed we would cook a meal together after I finished work and have a quiet evening in.

He texted me at lunch time to say he was going out for a few drinks and getting a kebab . I didn’t reply.

As I arrive home and he phoned to say he’s on his way. I’m sure he was but I flipped and told him not to bother. I don’t doubt he meant well and would be home with his kebab in hand expecting me to settle down to an evening with him.

That was an hour ago. Because I shouted I’m guessing he’s staying out now , ie reverting to his normal default behaviour. He has form for this. It’s not a Christmas one off.

I’m thinking of getting in the car and driving to my Aunts 500 miles away for Christmas even if he does come home any time soon. I’ve had enough. I am supposed to be staying at home to sort out his needs between his long shifts.

OP posts:
MissingMo · 23/12/2019 20:01

This sounds like he is being really thoughtless. YWNBU to leave him too it.

gamerchick · 23/12/2019 20:05

He could have offered to bring a takeaway in for you. Cooking a meal together doesn't sound relaxing.

Other than that, I'm assuming this is the straw that broke the camels back.

slipperywhensparticus · 23/12/2019 20:07

Will your aunt welcome you? I would go

OhioOhioOhio · 23/12/2019 20:09

Go to your Aunt.

Awrite · 23/12/2019 20:10

Definitely go to your Aunt's. This type of resentment doesn't recede.

DecemberDays · 23/12/2019 20:10

Will you be able to get enough sleep to drive the 500 miles tomorrow or do you mean now? Safety would be my main concern as I would be too stressed to sleep and too tired to set off now. But if you have somewhere else to go, then why would you stick around for someone who does not respect your plans?

Monr0e · 23/12/2019 20:10

Sort out his needs between his long shifts?

What exactly does that involve? Is he not a grown up who can sort his own needs out Confused

JoGose · 23/12/2019 20:10

I’d go your aunts

BlingLoving · 23/12/2019 20:12

Well, thinis pretty rude. You had plans to have dinner together and he has instead had a few drinks and got food. If this is a regular thing I cant tell why you would be with him.

HettySunshine · 23/12/2019 20:12

It's an awfully long drive but if you'd have a lovely time there I think you should go.

Could you break your journey with a night in a hotel and finish the drive tomorrow?

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2019 20:12

Am I missing something? What is the issue - it sounds like he'd be home just after you.

twinnywinny14 · 23/12/2019 20:13

I would feel really hurt by this type of behaviour. It was your special time together for Xmas as you can’t be together then and he has disregarded that and gone out with his mates and getting a kebab on the way home. I wouldn’t want to be waiting around to see him in between his shifts if this is how he treats you

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2019 20:13

Ah yes the food. Yes that's rude.

Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly · 23/12/2019 20:14

If I rang my partner to tell him I'd be home shortly with a kebab and he shouted at me like a fucking child, he'd find his bags packed.

NumbersStation · 23/12/2019 20:14

I’d be off to Aunt’s house.

Rude of him to see to his wants when he’d made plans with you.

I hope the kebab shop have up-chillied the sauce with scotch bonnets or similar. For quite literally shits and giggles.

Andysbestadventure · 23/12/2019 20:15

Yanbu. Go!!

Skysblue · 23/12/2019 20:15

It sounds like you guys are both tired and need to communicate better. You could have replied to his message to say you were upset and hurt and then maybe he’d have ditched the drinks idea and come home. But you chose to blank him like a teenager, so nothing got resolved. Driving off to your aunt’s in a huff won’t resolve anything either. If you’re unhappy with his behaviour, talk it out with him not mumsnet / your aunt.

Sorry if that sounds harsh I do get that it was v rude to go to pub instead of meeting you as planned, but I don’t see how your reaction is helping...

mbosnz · 23/12/2019 20:16

If I rang my partner to tell him I'd be home shortly with a kebab and he shouted at me like a fucking child, he'd find his bags packed.

Difficult to do that, when your partner would be the one at home.

DinoSn0re · 23/12/2019 20:20

This depends on a number of factors. My DH often wants to cook a meal and then faffs over it for bloody hours and then wonders why I end up stuffing my face with other stuff.

I’m not saying you are like that OP, but if you are and he was already feeling peckish, getting a kebab isn’t the worse thing in the world. I definitely think it’s unreasonable to shout at him about it.

DinoSn0re · 23/12/2019 20:20

*worst

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/12/2019 20:26

That would really piss me off. I’d be going to see your aunt. It’s really inconsiderate to go back on arrangements when you’re going to be sitting around alone on Christmas Day.

LemonPrism · 23/12/2019 20:30

Wow. He didn't even bother to bring you food too? How rude.

sophiestew · 23/12/2019 20:31

Sort out his needs between his long shifts?

Um, what does this mean exactly? Not another bloody man child?

Go to your aunts Flowers

category12 · 23/12/2019 20:32

He has form for this.

It's pointless having the same conversations or rows over and over. Go to your aunt.

BillieEilish · 23/12/2019 20:35

Yes, IMHO you have massively overreacted.

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